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THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of July 16-22, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

The masses have spoken and—since I’m sure WWE officials were waiting for the results of this high scientific survey—again it was nearly unanimous: Let the Nexus be. Don’t feed us a secret behind-the-scenes main eventer, don’t make Nexus puppets of a bigger name and don’t—for the love of god, don’t—let John Cena or Triple-H near it in any way, shape, or form.

First, let me thank everyone who chimed in with his or her opinion on the Nexus “higher power” rumor (remember that nightmare?). Quite literally, each and every e-mail I received was well thought out and insightful, which makes them pleasures to read. I’ve had email conversations with many of you regarding your theories and, by and large, I think we all agree that an organic, free-flowing Nexus angle is best in the long run for both WWE and the members of the faction.

Of course, I tried my damndest to rile up some discontent amongst those of you who submitted opinions. I threw names out there that may have softened the blow if they were revealed to be behind Nexus (a Shawn Michaels or Jim Ross) but, to your collective credit, you weren’t biting, and I dig that about you all. Stick to your guns—screw me and my trickeration.

Even better—and I love it when you all give me more than I ask for—a vast majority of you brought the ECW invasion angle of TNA to the table and compared it, directly, to the Nexus invasion of WWE. Keep up stuff this clever and you very possibly may bring a tear to my eye in the process. Again, overwhelmingly, you all decreed that the Nexus angle will surpass the ECW invasion angle after both run their course. I got the feeling that there really isn’t a groundswell of support for the ECW angle (as currently constituted) nor was there much hope that it would take a turn in such a way that would make it worthwhile.

So, I suppose at this point the only thing for us to do is to take off the analyst caps that you were all issued with your “Turn” fan club memberships and go back to just being fans. Let’s keep our eyes on every twist and turn of the Nexus angle as well as how the ECW storyline pertains to the bigger picture in TNA. At the very least, we’re looking at some interesting stuff during the summer months, which is great for the industry. Enjoy the rest of the angles and, as always feel free to forward your thoughts to pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (7/16)
A rather solid, albeit busy, go-home broadcast of Smackdown heading into the Money In The Bank pay-per-view this past Sunday night. While we weren’t buying into the Jack Swagger’s dad angle, it was nice to see Kane impose his will, finally, 48 hours prior to capturing his second World championship. Sure, we’re no closer to figuring out who took out The Undertaker, but Kane’s champ! Oh, and it’s still totally Kane who took out ’Taker. Any doubters?

Raw (7/19)
Survivor Series may be headed for the extinction list as far as pay-per-views go, but it will get a bit of a reprieve at SummerSlam this year when John Cena’s newly formed army takes on Nexus with the hopes of eliminating the group once and for all. Rebuffing Nexus faux offer of a truce, Cena announced that he had assembled a team consisting of Edge, John Morrison, R-Truth, The Great Khali, Chris Jericho and Bret Hart which in no way can end poorly. Sure, most of the team hates each other and, at any given time, each has been possibly linked to Nexus, but this is will definitely be a great idea. Our guess: Cena’s Bash At The Beach moment is here.

NXT (7/20)
“The Turn” is ready to officially declare who we believe will be the dark-horse candidate to emerge from NXT season two as the winner. Our official underdog with a shot is none other than Husky Harris or, as we at “Turn” headquarters call him, Candy Orton. Whaaa? Is it rude to make fun of a guy’s physique when he calls himself (or WWE creative calls himself) “Husky”? Fine, what about John Cen-utbutter? “Cold-Stone” Steve Austin? Triple-XL? C’mon, we have dozens of them. Either way, we dig the kid and hope he does well. We’d like to see him stick around.

Impact (7/22)
Well, despite our lauding of TNA in recent weeks, we’ve finally found something we cannot hit with the “Turn” seal of approval. Does anyone genuinely care about the Jeff Jarrett-Kevin Nash spat? Seriously? Last night Nash accused Jarrett of muddying the waters surrounding the Scott Hall and Shawn Waltman contract situations, forcing both from TNA. Hey, “Big Kev,” is that really the strongest part of your argument because, you know, if it is we thinks we’re going to support Jarrett. Brother did us all a favor. This angle is already stale. Who would’ve ever thought we’d be looking at this pairing as filler given the egos involved?

And Finally … Like it or not, “The Turn” is changing. Hell, we’re not big fans of change ourselves, but sometimes it’s for the better. We’re going to move to a more information-based column from the same sick minds that help make up the current version. Tell us what you’d like to see in “Turn” version 3.0. Want a quote from a genuine, bonafide wrestler each week? Let us know. Indy corner which focuses on upcoming events and venues? Sure, we can do that. Super sleek color photos? Send ‘em, we’ll consider ’em. Let’s make “The Turn” our column. Send your suggestions to pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com and we’ll bounce it around internally before revealing the new format by summer’s end.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of July 9-15, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

I try to avoid chatting about industry rumors in this column each week for two very simple reasons that have served me well over my nearly five-year association with the PWI family of publications. First, I avoid rumors because, quite frankly, there are people far more plugged into the industry than I am and I feel that they’re better qualified to do the legwork and break the story than I am. Sure, I could throw baseless rumors out there and see if anything stuck, but what’s the point? Most of you would see right though it and, for those who don’t, I pray every night that you don’t injure yourself with safety scissors.

The second reason I try to avoid rumors here is because the vast majority of them that you read in online columns such as this are pure, unadulterated fabrications that will never materialize. In the publishing industry, we call this “crap”; most of what you read as far as wrestling rumors are concerned is bona fide crap that someone heard from someone who works with someone whose cousin was an intern with WWE two summers ago. With reliability like that, who could possibly resist the allure that comes with relying on rumors, right?

Well … just for today … screw all that. I never said I was principled, just finicky.

Nope, this morning we’re going to very briefly give credence to a rumor that I desperately hope is true if only because it will drum up the kind of vitriol amongst my fellow fans that makes writing about the industry ever so much fun. The rumor du jour: the Nexus is being led by a yet-to-be revealed main event caliber wrestler who is behind the scenes dictating their every move.

Fueling the rumor fire is the potential that the man pulling said strings is none other than a recovering Triple-H, who is having all of his prime competitors cut down by the group thus paving his way back to world championship gold upon his return. A more compelling, albeit unlikely, scenario has John Cena—who has endured his fair share of ass-whoopery of late—directing the group and returning to his long dead rulebreaking ways.

My personal hope is that neither is revealed to be behind the Nexus faction and the group is allowed to either flourish or die out on its own. It doesn’t need a gimmick within a gimmick. The return of Triple-H or a turn of Cena would be a huge event in and of itself. The Nexus angle doesn’t need something like that to survive. In fact, I’d argue that all it would do is hurt it.

So, let’s posture on something that, odds are, will be revealed to be crap in the long run: Is there anything to the main-eventer-running-Nexus rumor and, if so, is that a good or bad thing? Shoot me a message at pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com and we’ll discuss next week.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (7/9)
We’re not sure how we feel about the developing dissention amongst the members of the Straight Edge Society. Last Friday night after S.E.S. leader C.M. Punk forgave the indiscretions of Serena, Luke Gallows turned his back on the group in protest and walked away. While we have no doubt that Punk will stand on his own when this angle passes, we can’t say the same for the others. Plus, we genuinely enjoy the quasi-cult effect Punk has as leader of the S.E.S. so count us among the group of folks who don’t want this group to dissolve.

Raw (7/12)
Seriously? Florence Henderson? The Wesson chick hosting Raw? Listen, we all dig Mrs. Brady for her contributions to pop culture and the advent of the fem-mullet, but we have to admit it didn’t work for us this week. Hell, we would’ve taken a night of laptop-run competition over this. Just a very strange way for WWE’s flagship show to head into the Money In The Bank (an abomination) pay-per-view this weekend. What’s next? Shirley Partridge taking us home to SummerSlam?

NXT (7/13)
“You’re either Nexus or against us” … clever. We actually dig the fact that these guys are getting face time and some solid writing behind them. Nexus won a battle royal against the Pros in the main event of NXT Tuesday night, which helps keep Triple-H’s group (kidding) rock solid for the time being. While that’s all well and good, would someone please tell us why there was a full can of garbage by the ring that was so easily accessible for Mark Henry to use following his earlier match? You’d think someone—hell, anyone—would realize something like that may cause trouble later. Silliness like that hurts NXT at times.

Impact (7/15)
Bat-crap crazy Abyss referred to “they” coming to TNA, again, and we’re still loving this wack-a-doo angle. Who is “they” and why should we care that “they’re” coming? Clearly the “they” is not the group of old-as-dirt ECW guys who have made their way into yet another pseudo-invasion angle which is just … awesome. Sarcasm doesn’t come across well on the Internet, so allow us to rephrase: awesome = bleh. Could all of this be paving a way for a possible Paul Heyman return to the state of Florida? Might as well be at this point. We’re a Jimmy Snuka, Justin Credible, and Johnny Hot Body away from dredging up all of ECW’s finest.

And Finally … TNA World champion Rob Van Dam’s retention of the gold this past Sunday night at Victory Road was only the second pay card in 2010 to not feature AJ Styles as a competitor for the company’s top prize. Since dropping the gold to Van Dam, Styles was supplanted atop the number-one contenders list by Sting (Slammiversary) and Abyss and Mr. Anderson (Victory Road).

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of June 25-July 1, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Happy Independence Day weekend, America! Easily one of my favorite times of year, this weekend Americans everywhere—but mostly in, you know, America—will once again celebrate the birth of our great nation by grilling the bejesus out of processed meat, blowing crap up, and indulging in a few too many adult beverages. This is what America is all about: pork and pyrotechnics.

Me, well I’ve got a hell of a weekend planned. Tonight’s plan involves watching my DVD collection of the career of Roddy Piper before passing out on the couch after the wife and kid head to bed. And … yep, that’s about it. The wild and crazy times of the family man …

In the past, I’ve urged fans everywhere to live up to the spirit of the moment and declare their independence in some way. I believe I’ve also dabbled in a bit of word play in encouraging support of “independents” day. Hey, what do you want? I’m responsible for over 50,000 words in this column every year; some will be sappy schlock. This year, however, I’m going to take things in the complete opposing direction: Do nothing. Do absolutely nothing and love every second of it.

Sit at home, watch old pay-per-views and DVDs, and relax. You’ve earned it, fans. We’ve had a hell of a year, thus far. ECW is still dead, NXT is in its second season and Impact is back with the reliable, yet unattractive, date that is Thursday nights. Not enough? Fine, what about the fact that Linda McMahon has a legitimate shot at becoming a U.S. Senator? Head spinning yet? It should be.

It’s been a long half-year, thus far, so I’m urging everyone to live it up this weekend, American style. Gorge on food you clearly shouldn’t be eating. Spend time with friends and family reminiscing about great times in years past (where you were during the truly atrocious 2000 Great American Bash is a great icebreaker). Responsibly enjoy a frosty beverage or two while openly pondering the appeal of Drew McIntyre, although that may be a very, very quick conversation.

Live it up, kids. Have a fun and safe holiday weekend. Relax, enjoy the air conditioning, and come back next week and we’ll dive head-first into the second half of 2010 together.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (6/25)
The first Smackdown following the official end of the “Jack Swagger: World Champion” era may have finally exposed the flaws in the former titleholder that we at “The Turn” didn’t see. Or, perhaps, we just chose to ignore them at the time in the hopes that Swagger would pan out as a top guy. His turn as a bloodthirsty former champ with an agenda of punishment really doesn’t fit the guy, in our humble opinion. If ever there was a guy who could use more of a snarky Johnny Polo-style gimmick, rather than this strained viciousness, it’s Swagger. That’s right … you just read a Johnny Polo reference.

Raw (6/28)
Is it sick that we generally love seeing the legends of WWE get the stuffing kicked out of them by younger wrestlers? It’s not that we necessarily advocate violence against our elders, but in wrestling it’s pretty awesome. Sorry, it just is. When the Nexus laid to waste Ricky Steamboat and his comrades on Monday night—during a segment meant to celebrate “The Dragon’s” DVD anthology—it wasn’t anything new. This thing happens all the time. Still, it’s a fun little gimmicky way that helps get the crew across as a bonafide band of thugs. The only thing that tickles us more is that Raw is being run by a laptop on a podium, which is still more compelling—and coherent—than Ashton Kutcher, so perhaps we should count our blessings.

NXT (6/29)
In a shocking move that no one saw coming, the great Titus O’Neil was elimina … ahh, crap, who are we kidding? Do you really care who was given the boot at this stage of the competition? No, if you’re like us you just still can’t get past the fact that you soberly watched a keg carry competition that wasn’t from 1982, chock-full of Eastern Europeans and airing on ESPN2 at 3 AM. Straight from the “it’s so bad it’s good” category, NXT is in full swing with competitions that have, literally, no bearing whatsoever on the potential success of the budding stars. For the record, Lucky Cannon was the winner but, honestly, are there any winners here?

Impact (7/1)
Ummm … how are we feeling with a more visible Dixie Carter on Impact? Sure, she’s quite the vision of loveliness and power—and we’re okay with that, of course. But, remember all those years ago when she was adamant about letting the talent be the talent and she would remain behind the scenes? Last night, Carter firmly entrenched herself as a major player in the Sting angle by suspending the enigmatic legend and, likely, incurring his wrath at some point. We’ll go with this, for now, but our patience is not infinite.

And Finally … Sunday, July 4, is the 22nd anniversary of one of the strangest and most tragic events in industry history. Former WWF World tag champion—and one of the most uncomfortable ring personas in the past 30 years—Adrian Adonis was killed in a one-car accident along with two fellow wrestlers, Victor Arko and Dave McKigney. According to the lone survivor of the accident, William Arko, (the driver of the vehicle) they swerved to avoid hitting a moose while traveling in Newfoundland and drove into a lake, killing his three fellow passengers. Adonis, who rose to fame with WWF in a pseudo-androgynous gimmick, was only 33 years old.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of June 18-24, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

My apologies, Turniacs, for being a few days late to the party. A nasty, pop-up thunderstorm virtually killed my access to the outside world and left nearly a quarter-million households in the Greater Philadelphia region without power. So, rather than sit down and recap the week that was last Friday morning, I sat in a dark, stuffy house wondering in fear of opening the front door and stepping into Oz.

But, alas, I’m back and—lucky you—I had an extra 72 hours to digest and assess the debacle that was WWE’s Fatal 4 Way pay-per-view. By and large, I’m with the bitter majority in thinking that, overall, the event was little more than the typical cash-grab PPV card that we’ve all become accustomed to by this point in our collective fandom. However—and this may get me crucified in some circles—I genuinely came to appreciate and enjoy the way the show ended. Sure, we got hosed out of an additional 20 or so minutes, but for once in a very long time, WWE creative was … well … creative.

Allow me to explain, would you? Of course I’m not advocating yet another invasion angle. It’s been done to death, so to speak, and it really hasn’t worked for a mainstream entity since a little thing happened in WCW in 1997 (although the ROH-CZW feud from a few years back was pretty awesome).

For whatever reason, I have yet to see a company really nail the invasion angle to the point where it makes me want to watch—even after seeing new faces in unfamiliar places. The current NXT invasion of Raw, once again, doesn’t do it for me.

With that admission, I can only imagine your confusion with my support for the ending of Fatal 4-Way. My appreciation for the manner in which the show ended is that it was something different for once from a company not exactly fond of shaking things up very often. Think about it: A pay card ended early when a bunch of would-be afterthoughts disrupted the main event of the top brand and laid to waste its biggest names. Think this would’ve ever happened five or 10 years ago? Me neither.

Whether this idea was born from desperation or, shockingly, a cleverly planned start to a well-contrived angle, I’m with it for now. Naturally, there will be fumbles and low points throughout and, God willing, a coherent end that launches a career or two. I’m glad to see WWE throw everything it has in the farm system at the proverbial wall to see what sticks. Clearly, the company has no interest in putting its future in the hands of a carefully selected and pushed young star, so why not give everyone a shot and see who we react to most positively?

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (6/18)
Does anyone else feel as if come hell or high water WWE will eventually push Drew McIntyre completely down our throats before all is said and done? It’s not that we find him especially annoying but … no, that’s totally it. It feels as if the man is following the Mike Mizanin blueprint for WWE longevity: Suck for quite a while, be willing to be the butt of everyone’s jokes, collect a check. Actually, we should all probably follow that plan. Perhaps it is awesome.

Raw (6/21)
Lotsa goings-on in the “Rawniverse”: Bret Hart is no longer the General Manager (that duty now goes to a mysterious party on the other side of an e-mail account), Sheamus is still WWE champion, and the NXT 7 did us all a favor by beating the stuffing out of special guest main event referee Mr. McMahon. Maybe we had those guys all wrong. Sure, they bring chaos and mayhem wherever they go, but if it ends with beatdowns like this, we may be on board. Wonder what they’re doing on Thursday nights.

NXT (6/22)
Unfortunately, it appears that Lucky Cannon will be the man who just can’t seem to catch a break on this season’s installment of NXT. Not only that, but if the manhandling he took courtesy of the suddenly vicious Cody Rhodes was any indication, Cannon’s going to come out of the NXT season far worse for the wear of the competition. More troubling for Cannon—and, trust us, this isn’t a knock—is that his pro is Mark Henry. It’s not that Henry isn’t a seasoned veteran and all but, c’mon, Mark Henry? Unless he’s giving Cannon tips on how to negotiate a ridiculous contract with little-to-no practical experience, his value as a pro mentor is probably already expired.

Impact (6/24)
“They” may end up being the wrestling word of the summer of 2010. Who is this “they” that Abyss keeps referencing on Impact and why should we care if “they” are coming soon to take over TNA from Hulk Hogan and Dixie Carter. Funny, for years Hogan and Eric Bischoff were considered “they” in many circles. Fast forward to 2010 and the duo is now part of an establishment who would be wise to heed the warnings of a massive man with a leather thong over his face. Still, we at “The Turn” are glad that goofy Hogan-mark Abyss is apparently dead and new-harbinger-of-forthcoming-destruction Abyss is taking center stage. Man, this better be good.

And Finally … It’s hard to believe that it has been three years already, but a very somber anniversary passed last Friday. It was three years ago this past Friday that the Benoit family tragedy occurred and the face of the industry was changed forever. Today, certain moves and gestures are banned from WWE programming, histories are re-written and companies make a greater push for a watered-down, family friendlier product.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of June 11-17, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Doesn’t it just feel like Slammiversary should be the penultimate pay-per-view for TNA? Or, to use the more common parlance of the industry: Shouldn’t Slammiversary be TNA’s WrestleMania? Well, if you go by this past Sunday’s offering, I’m willing to cede the point that, perhaps, it should not.

Much like any of the average, monthly pay-per-views offered up by the big one-and-a-half, Slammiversary 2010 felt relatively uninspired despite TNA’s big surprise of … Tommy Dreamer. More on that later. Still, even with my lack of enthusiasm toward this year’s show, I still believe that Slammiversary should be the crown jewel of the TNA pay-per-view line-up.

But, as it stands, that is not the case … but it should be. “Why?” you ask; well, let me tell you. It’s really just a matter of simple planning and imitation of what has worked in the past. Currently, for argument’s sake, let’s believe the company’s pronouncement that Bound For Glory is as big a deal as they’d have us believe.

First off, Bound For Glory takes place in October which immediately puts it at a disadvantage when compared against other, mainstream sports. You have the NHL season starting, the MLB season winding down, and both college and professional football seasons in full swing. You think the average sports fan who follows any of those and TNA wrestling (I’m sure they exist, somewhere) is going to give up Sunday Night Football—for free—in favor of a three-hour long pay card? No dice, Chico.

Slammiversary, however, is held in June, which is arguably the worst time for sports viewing. As a devout baseball fan, I’m pretty well set for my summer viewing, but what about the other folks who prefer wrestling to baseball? Further, you have both the NBA and NHL seasons ending in early-June which leaves most U.S. sports fans pining for anything even remotely new. Sure, this year we have the World Cup to keep us satiated but that’s not every year, plus your Sunday evenings are still pretty well open.

Another reason Slammiversary make sense to assume the mantle of most important TNA pay-per-view is due to something I was taught by my former editorial partner (the amazing Lisa Rocchi). That word—so brilliant and yet so strange—is portmanteau.

Portmanteau—for the non-writing nerds of the world—is, basically, when two words are put together to create a new word that assimilates the meanings of those two into it. WWE brilliantly cornered the market on this with WrestleMania, and yet TNA has its very own offering that combines “slamming” something or someone with “anniversary” but refuses to run with it. Plus, they keep tabs on the sequence of the series. This year was Slammiversary VIII. I mean … c’mon!

Did you realize that Slammiversary is the only TNA pay-per-view that is a portmanteau? For the love of God, it’s right there for them! Screw the obvious comparisons to WrestleMania. There are worse things TNA could be compared to, right? Not many, of course, but imitation and flattery tend to go hand-in-hand. So do imitation and profits.

So, that’s my argument for crowning Slammiversary the new top TNA pay-per-view. Really, it’s mostly based out of personal selfishness in me wanting to see a bigger early-summer spectacle. Yes, I realize that summer programming is generally garbage across the board. And, sure, it’s a phenomenally big risk for TNA to attempt to buck that trend by pouring time, money, and effort into building an early-summer (technically, late spring) pay-per-view. But, hey, I’m a selfish wrestling writer. Do you think I like covering summer wrestling programming? We pray for moments like Hulk Hogan’s Bash At The Beach turn of years past but, mostly, we end up with Frank Drebbin investigating dueling Undertakers.

It really happened, folks. Look it up.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (6/11)
Did … did CM Punk just compare himself to JFK and Malcolm X? Wowza! That takes some brass Mahoneys, Mr. Punk. Overall, and we cannot figure out the hows or whys of this, but doesn’t it feel like Smackdown is the superior program for WWE this time of year? We have Kane laying everyone to waste in the hopes of finding out that he nearly killed his own brother (we’re sticking with it), the SES becoming more brilliantly annoying by the day, and Jack Swagger lisping his way through a decent title run. In all, a very enjoyable string of broadcasting for the blue brand.

Raw (6/14)
While we try to keep our assessments of the industry solely to what happens during the broadcast hours, we would be ashamed of ourselves had we not at least mentioned how absolutely ridiculous WWE’s release of Bryan Danielson is … you know, assuming it’s legit, which it seems to be. We get that WWE is supposed to be all about the PG rating of late, but, seriously, how in the world can you make professional wrestling kid-friendly? You can’t. Rules are rules and that’s fine, but seriously, WWE, you have to be kidding us on this one.

NTX (6/15)
Does anyone else feel that Matt Striker maybe doesn’t have the chops to run his own broadcast anymore? Look, we’ll take responsibility for, perhaps heretically, anointing him the next Bobby Heenan a few years back. but could you blame us then? The guy was clever and obnoxious. Now … not so clever. NXT is actually being hurt by him at this point, which is a damn shame.

Impact (6/17)
We’re not quite sure what left us with a bigger pit in our collective stomachs: Scott Hall being booted from the company (again), Ric Flair’s formation of a Horseman-lite faction, or Abyss going bat-crap nuts on Ken Anderson and Jeff Hardy. All will give us nice, little angles to follow throughout their respective durations, however we’re going to go with the Flair faction (tentatively titled Fortune … feel free to include ironic IRS joke, here). It just feels sad now, doesn’t it?

And Finally … Here’s an astonishing statistic brought to you by the crack team of in-Turns we keep on staff. Tommy Dreamer’s debut with TNA at Slammiversary last Sunday night makes him the sixteenth former ECW heavyweight champion to work for TNA. The list reads as such: Shane Douglas, Sabu, Terry Funk, The Sandman, Mikey Whipwreck, Raven, Taz, Justin Credible, Jerry Lynn, Steve Corino, Rhino, Rob Van Dam, Bobby Lashley, CM Punk, Christian and, now, Dreamer. Keep in mind, between the original and WWE versions of ECW, there were only 32 heavyweight champions in the history of the organization.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of June 4-10, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

It was such a loaded question I posed at the end of the column last week, that I really didn’t anticipate much of a response. Shockingly, you all surprised me once again. While the sentiment certainly didn’t reach the levels of that regarding Dave Batista’s legacy, there was no doubt how you all felt about a second season of NXT.

NXT must come back for a second season.

Now, a bit of a disclaimer: regardless of how we felt about the whole thing, WWE was bringing back NXT. The shows were ordered, the next batch of wrestlers was selected, and we were getting the showcase program whether we liked it or not. I posed the question, perhaps unfairly, to determine whether it was a worthwhile venture after the debacle—at times—that was season one.

All along I’ve been in support of something that adopted the philosophy of NXT. This, in my opinion, was what WWE always had intended its now mercifully defunct version of ECW to be. We finally have a program that showcases the top of the developmental talent pool in WWE and allows the company to dip its creative toe into the pool with these guys prior to giving them any sort of push.

In years past, the only way to “develop” (WWE, in my opinion, doesn’t really develop talent) new superstars was to, essentially, throw them right on to television with some sort of buildup and see if the fan base took to them. Now, with NXT—and the advertising deals that help keep the show on the air—it’s as if WWE is getting the same level of exposure with someone else picking up the bulk of the tab. It’s truly a wonder of modern business planning.

With all that seems good about the setup you may be asking yourself, “What’s your deal, then, Francis?” First, off, my name isn’t Francis, jackass. Secondly, my issue is that WWE, as per its usual way, is crapping on a perfect situation though lazy booking, lazier writing, and poor programming. And, because of that, I’ve been soured to the NXT project.

Remember the obstacle course and/or any of the other idiotic tasks the talent was put through during the first season? Any reason to believe that we won’t see at least some of that garbage in season two? Now, of course I’m not saying that it should be a straight-up, vanilla wrestling program. Far from it. It’s just that given the company’s history of mailing things in, I really don’t have much hope for the future of the franchise.

But, I’ve been wrong in the past (who predicts a big future for Vito?) and will likely be wrong, again, in the future (this feels like the Cubs year, no?), so who’s to say WWE won’t shock us all with NXT season two.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (6/4)
Ding, dong “The Deadman” is … well … dead? At least, you know, that’s what they’d have us believe in the Smackdown world. Well, technically, he’s not dead, per se. Just a slight case of the vegetative state-ness. The great mystery behind ’Taker’s assault and subsequent coma-like condition will likely play itself out this summer. What’s more impressive, in the interim, is probably the rise of Kane back to prominence as a result of his brother’s trauma. The man hasn’t appeared more driven and valuable in years. Of course, we have to believe it was he who attacked ’Taker, right? Can’t imagine that isn’t the case.

Raw (6/7)
Did anyone else walk away from Monday night wondering, aloud, just what in the blue hell happened? No, we don’t mean WWE setting up a three-hour viewer’s choice special edition of Raw. We were more intrigued by the NXT-led beatdown of the Straight Edge Society and—much to many a fan’s delight—John Cena following the main event of the evening. Now, we’ve all seen invasion angles before and, generally, they run their course fairly quickly. But, there’s something intriguing about having the supposedly exiled first-generation NXT crew involved with the main roster. It’s the mother of all second chances for most of these guys, so hopefully they’ll make the most of it.

NXT (6/8)
Season two of NXT kicked off Tuesday night on the heels of the first class’s restaurant-quality ass-kicking of John Cena and the SES on Monday night, and while it’s too early to get a solid feel for the crop of budding talent there was one rather interesting development. Matt Striker announced that the scoring for season two would be split evenly between the pros and, now, the misnamed WWE Universe which is just … super. In a related story, Philadelphia Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins is currently in second place in the fan vote for the MLB All Star game; he has played a total of 12 games this season. No way can this go wrong with NXT, right?

Impact (6/10)
“The Turn” staff does not keep a doctor on the payroll, but we have no problem speculating that when a man is injured—let’s call him Matt Morgan—it may be more beneficial to his longterm recovery if TNA would reverse the breakdown of EMTs to security guards that rush to the ring to render aid. Last night, prior to his tag team loss to Eric Young and two men who vaguely resemble Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, Morgan was attacked by Hernandez and subsequently aided by five—count ‘em, five—TNA security guards and only one EMT. Well, we assume he was an EMT because, you know, he wore rubber gloves. We know wrestlers don’t have access to the highest tier medical coverage given their employment status and all but, c’mon, at least send a guy pretending to be an orderly or intern down to ringside. Maybe hire a nurse or two for Slammiversary this weekend, eh?

And Finally … Happy birthday tomorrow, June 12, to “The World’s Strongest Man” Mark Henry. The former 1992 Olympian (he finished in 10th place), European, and ECW champion turns 39.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of May 28-June 3, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

It’s times like these where it’s easy for me to stand behind my belief that PWI readers are, easily, the most knowledgeable and well-versed in the entire industry. Sure, I get my fair share of letters and e-mails that start with, “Is the Undertaker really an undertaker?” or “What’s your problem with Lance Hoyt?” But, for every one of those mind-bending questions I’ll have a week like this past one where seemingly every reader capable of polysyllabic speaking comes out of the proverbial woodwork.

Last week I asked for the collective masses to offer their opinion on the legacy of Dave Batista who, if reports remain as such, has one foot officially out the WWE door with the other soon to follow. My argument was that while in the grand scheme of things, Batista could never be considered an all-timer, it’s impossible to ignore what he has accomplished given the era in which he competed. And, while I expected a variety of responses, I have to admit I was shocked with the unanimity amongst those fans that responded.

Reader Howard Heavner kicked things off by accusing Batista of being “stale” and pointing out that he, “will not miss Batista one bit while he’s gone Hollywood or whatever he's doing. The man was like watching a checkers match.”

Randall Vasquez took a more diplomatic approach to Batista’s legacy, although it’s not exactly a vote of confidence. Vasquez wrote, “To me, Batista is the Mark McGwire of wrestling. He will never be thought of us an all-around great, but you usually found yourself paying attention when it was his turn to perform.” Likening Batista to what Sid Vicious should have become, Vasquez admitted that he would miss the new, “whiny, ego obsessed” “Animal,” which seems like a fair assessment.

Steve Pofcher lamented more about the era rather than the man, writing, “Great wrestling does not matter anymore.” Turn U.K. correspondent Andy Cain took that sentiment a step further by stating, “If I could only use a few words to describe him, those words would be ‘the Lex Luger of this generation.’ Someone who every so often shows flashes of brilliance but most of the time frustrates me by never seeming to live up to his full potential.”

Overall, the consensus was clear: Not very many tears will be shed for big Dave when he leaves the biz for good.

Now, here’s my next homework assignment for the masses and this one, I believe, could raise more ire than the “Animal” assessment. As we’ll discuss a little later, NXT wrapped up its first “season” (interesting that they’d refer to it as such) on Tuesday night and a new breakout star was crowned. After watching and digesting the entire idea of NXT, my question is to everyone: Should there be a season two of NXT?

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (5/28)
Alright, we admit that we at “The Turn” follow wrestling rumors and insider conversation as much as possible. Hell, we have to—it’s our job. But, as folks on the fringe of the industry as we are, we can honestly say that much of what you hear or read is false (except of course, on here, prowrestlingillustrated.blogspot.com and in the pages of PWI and Inside Wrestling/The Wrestler. Still, we’re starting to question whether all the talk about Rey Mysterio Jr.’s attitude issues is true, if only because his in-ring performances of late have been—bluntly—sloppy. Last Friday night during his Fatal Four-way qualifying match, Mysterio bloodied a returning Undertaker, which, needless to say, did not please the “Dead Man.” We’re not one to imply anything, but between the sloppy feud with C.M. Punk and now the match with ’Taker we’re getting a real smoke-fire feeling all of the sudden.

Raw (5/31)
Evan Bourne is officially part of the main event scene and all is right with the world. Sure, that may be overstating it just a bit, but it does seem a bit overdue. With the sudden dearth of viable main event talent, it was only a matter of time before Bourne became a name in the mix. But, with his recent run-ins with Edge—as was the case Monday night on Raw—it’s apparent that it is now Bourne’s turn to take a shot at proving himself to the powers-that-be. We, for one, are rooting for a guy like Bourne to succeed. It’s good for the industry and, quite frankly, you could do far worse in WWE than having a guy like Bourne near the top of the roster.

NXT (6/1)
The results are in and, like it or not, Wade Barrett is the new breakthrough superstar in WWE by virtue of winning the NXT competition under the tutelage of pro mentor Chris Jericho. Overall, we at “The Turn” are fine with this development. While not mentioned often in this column (with obstacle courses and Bryan Danielson in the picture, he had no shot for ink), Barrett has consistently impressed us and seems like he will fit the WWE mold perfectly. What intrigues us most, however, is just where Barrett goes from here and which title he intends to pursue with his pay-per-view championship match. We say, go for the WWE championship. “Why?” you ask? “Why the hell not?” we respond.

Impact (6/3)
As unabashed Ric Flair slappies as we always admitted we are, we’re absolutely baffled by his role in TNA right now. Sure, sending home AJ Styles last night to make life decisions about his career was fine, but the promos Flair’s now cutting are less “Nature Boy” and more crazy old man who likes to hear himself talk. Sadly, we’re starting to question the value of having Flair in TNA at all, which is never something we believed we’d admit.

And Finally … On this date six years ago, TNA Impact officially debuted as a weekly broadcast, replacing the company’s weekly pay-per-view format. Originally airing on Fox Sports Net before eventually moving to Spike TV, Impact spawned multiple spin-off programs, although none have yet to reach the level TNA’s flagship program.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of May 21-27, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Admittedly, I’ve mentioned this many times in the past, but given the events of Monday night, I believe it once again bears repeating. Industry legend, all-time great publisher and would-be small forward for the New York Knicks—even at his current age—Stu Saks once told me that you can never say “never” when it comes to professional wrestling.

As simple a phrase as that may be, it has always stayed with me during my nearly five-year association with the PWI family of magazines. Situations like Ric Flair’s un-retirement, Bret Hart’s un-retirement and Hulk Hogan’s … well … un-retirement have led me to believe that Mr. Saks was absolutely correct. There’s something about this industry that, be it competitor or schlocky writer, you just cannot distance yourself from. Once it has you hooked, you’re stuck … forever.

With that in mind, I began wondering what the legacy of Dave Batista would be if, by some strange Dwayne Johnson-ian twist, his self-imposed departure from WWE on Monday night’s episode of Raw actually stuck. How would we, as fans, remember “The Animal”?

For those of you who may have missed it, frustrated by new Raw General Manager Bret Hart’s insistence that he compete, Batista finally made good on his near weekly promises to quit WWE by, well, quitting WWE. Of course, I will be the first of many to admit that in no way do I believe this will stick. Hell, I’ll go as far as to say that he’ll be back in WWE before year’s end. But, if the giant man with Hollywood aspirations doesn’t come back to a full-time schedule, where would you rank him?

Setting aside my natural biases, it’s hard to make the argument against Batista being considered one of the top personalities of his time period. Were the discussion to be about skill, the man wouldn’t be invited to the party. Bring up the notion of all-time greats, and I would personally give him the wrong directions to said shindig.

Fact is, whether you’re a fan of Batista’s or not, the first step in assessing his place in industry lore is to stipulate to the truth that the man is not a good, great, or even mediocre wrestler. He’s simply a phenomenally muscled personality with badass entrance music and super-human strength; but a grappler he is not.

If you take that out of the equation and compare Batista to his contemporaries—let’s say 2003 to the present time—it’s easier to make the case for the man being one of the top guys in that period. Will that make the situation fair? In wrestling, “fairness” is a relative term, at best. If you take into consideration that other mainstream sports (baseball comes to mind, immediately) view player statistics and contributions in terms of the eras in which they played, it doesn’t make my assessment of Batista seem that harsh.

History will reflect a man who was at or near main-event status from Day One, a member of a highly influential faction, held 10 world championships and won the 2005 Royal Rumble. Is that sufficient to be considered one of the best competitors of his era? Are Batista’s numbers inflated because of WWE’s unwritten bias toward monsters who can move merch? If so, is it fair to hold that against Batista? Is he a byproduct of a crappy era or, simply, making the most of being a part of it?

Shoot me your thoughts on Batista’s legacy: pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com. I’ll post the best responses here, assuming they’re fit to print.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (5/21)
Heading into Over The Limit, the Straight Edge Society seemed to have taken a stranger, more uncomfortable turn deeper into cult status. As squeamish as this makes us feel, we have to admit, it makes for damn good television. With C.M. Punk’s loss and subsequent shearing at the hands of Rey Mysterio Jr. at Over The Limit, we no doubt believe that tonight’s Smackdown will take the SES in an even darker direction that tests the bounds of both decency and humanity. We hope it lasts.

Raw (5/24)
For those of you wondering where Bret Hart fits into the WWE picture now that his rumored contract has expired, wonder no more. “The Excellence Of Execution” is now officially the general manager of Raw and is riding out his time in the industry with a front-office job. While we don’t see this lasting as long as some may hope, if it can do anything to help squelch the guest host shtick, we’re all for it. Jon Lovitz made a great guest host … assuming we were watching an episode from 1987.

NXT (5/25)
Heath Slater always kind of had the face of a guy who was prime to be eliminated, didn’t he? Like, the first time you saw the movie Top Gun, we’re willing to bet you had the exact same two thoughts we did: 1. Goose is going to die at some point in this flick, and, 2. The volleyball scene makes me uncomfortable. Hindsight being what it is, we must admit that we never really gave the freshly eliminated Slater much of a shot to win NXT, and neither did the pros. Best of luck, Slater. You will be … remembered as someone who was on NXT.

Impact (5/27)
He hasn’t shown us much at this point, but believe it or not we at “The Turn” are actually pulling for Orlando Jordan to have some type of staying power with TNA. His angle is strange and confusing, which is good. Every era has multiple competitors whose personas straddle the line that is sexual ambiguity. The difference with Jordan—and perhaps what makes everyone feel so squeamish—is that Jordan actually lives the lifestyle. Still, we think he’s a hell of a wrestler who never really got much of a chance.

And Finally … It’s hard to believe it has been so long, but 11 years ago this past Sunday—May 23—Owen Hart tragically died during WWF’s Over The Edge pay-per-view in Kansas City, Missouri. On May 23, 2010, after a series of re-naming of existing shows, WWE held its freshly minted Over The Limit pay-per-view.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of May 14-20, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

I’m a lover of statistics. As much as I despise having to compile data and run it through some sort of analysis method, I genuinely enjoy the information that can be derived from the process. I’m a believer in the power of numbers and the story they tell.

With that altruistic introduction in mind, allow me to add that one week’s worth of ratings figures does not a bad decision make. Still, TNA can’t be thrilled that last week’s rating figures for Impact’s triumphant, not-in-any-way-desperate, return to Thursday nights didn’t crack the 1.0 level. It’s going to take some time for the worth of the move to finally play itself out, but a .94 isn’t exactly the best start.

Although I’m still not sold on the idea of having a written list of contenders it’s a nice start. At the very least, it should give Thursday nights a built-in angle every week. Add into that the return of an apparently focused Kurt Angle and we’re looking at something that could end up being a bit promising.

My hope—despite what you may think—is that Impact actually succeeds … back on Thursday nights. While I don’t believe one stinkin’ word of TNA’s spin on how this is actually a good thing and not because they had no shot in the world of competing with WWE on Monday nights, I’m willing to root for the underdog. I’m shifting my views back to the notion that competition is great for the business and we win in the long run. It’s trickle-down wrestling fandom.

Let’s all give Impact a shot on Thursday nights. If the programming sucks, don’t watch—it’s really that simple. If it’s good, let it be good and make sure you fan it up each week, otherwise they’ll pack up their things and move to another night.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (5/14)
If there is anything that could be considered a silver lining in the crap cloud that was the end of the Intercontinental title chase, it’s that we’re going to be treated to a solid title match at Over The Limit this weekend. Plus, at the very least, we got a Mr. McMahon edict without actually being subject to Mr. McMahon. The downside to Kofi Kingston’s stripping of the title after he apparently pulled out the victory over Christian is that the angle now seems unnecessarily forced. When a title chase feels organic and flowing, it tends to be the most satisfying. But, when was the last time anything WWE did felt organic and/or flowing?

Raw (5/17)
Overall, we have to admit that this week’s episode of Raw was actually quite good … you know, except for the weird Bret Hart winning the U.S. title thing and all. Easily, in our opinion, the high point of the evening had to have been a classic match between Edge and Christian. It’s as if they did that before, no? The only thing that could’ve possibly topped that moment would’ve been … oh, hell … is that Virgil? Like, the real Virgil with Ted DiBase, Jr.? That could’ve possibly been the most surreal episode of Raw in a very long time. Sure, it won’t last, but it was actually fun for the time it did last. Oh, yeah, and it was hosted by Buzz freakin’ Aldrin. The same one who walked on the moon and groped some broad on Dancing With The Stars.

NXT (5/18)
Alright, we admit: We’re Bryan Danielson slappies. Oh, it’s true. From Day One, we’ve been fans of the guy and genuinely enjoy watching him in the ring. Sure, if cutting promos and leading backstage segments is your thing, Danielson is probably not your guy. Still, even the most fervent of wrestling purists had to enjoy Danielson’s rant against WWE—albeit likely not taking anyone backstage offguard—and subsequent beatdown of Michael Cole. In fact, to be fair, had anyone beat up Michael Cole we probably would’ve become fans of him, too. We’re liking the direction they’re taking Danielson by simply allowing him to hang around. It’s a good way to keep the competition moving and keep the most talented wrestler of the group.

Impact (5/20)
We’re usually supporters of Samoa Joe but, to be honest, his inclusion on the top-10 contenders list last night on Impact made no sense as far as we were concerned. Does he make more sense than someone like a Kevin Nash? Of course. Do we believe he has a realistic shot at reaching the top of the list and challenging for the gold? Not right now. In that regard, sure, Joe should be considered one of the top heavyweights in TNA. Perhaps, it’s more painful for us to finally view Joe as little more than mid-card filler than the savior of the company. There was so much promise just a few years ago and, sadly, it was the company that turned its collective back on Joe in favor of an all-star roster of has-beens. We’d dig seeing the man cut through the top 10 with all the reckless abandon of a monster with a chip on his shoulder but, sadly, we don’t believe he’s far enough in the pocket of those who make the decisions for that to happen.

And Finally … This week must be when Bret Hat turns up the intensity and feels like capturing some gold. On Monday night, he captured the U.S. title and, 16 years ago yesterday, Bret “Hitman” Hart captured the WWF World title from Yokozuna in the main event of WrestleMania X at Madison Square Garden.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of May 7-13, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

The more I think back on my childhood, the more I realize that my father had to have been a bigger wrestling fan than he ever let on. Sure, he tried to play it down at times, but my guess is he just didn’t want to give off the impression that he was condoning the ritualistic beatdowns all the neighborhood kids would inflict upon each other. That’s some good parentin’.

After years of piecing things together and baiting my father into admitting his fandom, I believe I can safely say that I have finally discovered who my dad’s favorite two wrestlers are. Mind you, the man has not watched a minute of programming in, easily, 20 years, so there’s a good chance he believes that one, or both, of his favorites are still involved in some way.

If I had to guess, I would say that my dad’s two favorite wrestlers of all time are Bruno Sammartino (c’mon, we’re Italian … it’s mandatory) and Ted DiBiase Sr. The latter makes the list after a chance meeting my dad had with him in an elevator. After moments of pondering where he recognized the hulking gentleman in the suit, my dad turned to DiBiase and said, “My kids love your show.” The man couldn’t have been more gracious and my father instantly became a fan.

Funny thing occurred to me the other day as I was wondering how the John Cena-Dave Batista angle would eventually play out: I’m now the age my father was when I started watching wrestling as a kid. I suppose, deep down, I always realized that this day would come … you know, assuming my brother or one of the neighborhood kids didn’t kill me with a “Tombstone” in the backyard. I was always able to tuck my head with the best of them.

So, here we are. I now have reached the age where I am legally obligated to pass on to a younger generation the temperance and stability that my father did for me. My tome should be one of responsible living and personal safety, two things this industry is not exactly known for being beacons of. Yet, I find myself stealing time from that faulty plan and justifying my enjoyment of the industry by reassuring myself that as of today, I’m not a bad influence on anyone … yet.

Hell, who’s to say that my kid will even know what wrestling is? I mean, I have a daughter who, theoretically, will not be able to understand what the industry is by the time I eventually grow out of this phase … which has lasted about 25 years or so. By the time she’s even cognizant of what wrestling is I will surely be the scholarly father who smokes a pipe and incisively ponders the travails of the economies of the European Union and other things of that nature. It’s not like being a wrestling fan is passed genetically, right?

I believed that right up until the moment that my 13-month-old daughter landed her first seemingly unplanned “Swanton Bomb” out of the crib the other night. I suppose it’s possible that she just got a little too curious by the edge of the crib and clearly had no clue of the ramifications. But, I must admit, the baby day-glo facepaint and fishnet gloves did make me more than a little suspicious.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (5/7)
By the end of the night last Friday, WWE had two legitimate and entertaining challengers for its vacant Intercontinental championship. With Christian and Kofi Kingston vying for what was one time the second biggest title in WWE. Friday nights once again appeared to be headed back to watchability status. As much as we love Kingston—although he’ll no doubt go rulebreaker sooner than necessary—we have to put the early odds on Christian to capture the gold. There’s too much skill and championship experience to lose out on this opportunity.

Raw (5/10)
While we fully acknowledge the regret that will follow this admission: Vickie Guerrero was a welcome addition to the Raw roster on Monday night. Perhaps our opinion is colored by the fact that she resigned her post as new GM of Raw within two hours of being awarded the post, but only time will tell. More likely, we’re stoked at the idea that the suddenly goody-goody Edge has not quite abandoned the filthy creepy side that made him so gosh darn loveable. It’s only a matter of time before he breaks the heart of fans everywhere and something told us that Vickie would bring a little bit of old Edge back to the forefront.

NXT (5/11)
Excellent, excellent, excellent elimination week on NXT. No, seriously … we actually really enjoyed this week’s offering primarily because the man everyone believed would win the competition—“Turn-ites” included—was sent packing and did so in the coolest way possible. Daniel Bryan—a persona specifically created for the man to play the fool to everyone he came across—was eliminated by WWE management on Tuesday night meaning he was such garbage that his fate was not even left up to the pro’s poll. Defeated but not deterred, the persona of Daniel Bryan was left in Buffalo but the promise of Bryan Danielson—you recall him, no—was as alive, well and likely headed back to the main roster sooner than we think. Well done.

Impact (5/13)
Despite what they’d have you believe, it’s tough to get a feel for what TNA has planned for Abyss. On one hand, the idea has been floated throughout wrestling circles that Abyss will be the future of TNA and that everyone involved is insanely high on the potential. Then, you get an angle like last night where Abyss was falsely fingered as the likely suspect in an alleged assault on Chelsea, which turned out to be completely orchestrated by Sacrifice opponent Desmond Wolfe. As predictable as that end result was, the buildup and arrest scene was equally as uncomfortable. Still not quite sure why Universal Studio’s finest required Abyss to remove his mask prior to getting into the squad car, but we’re sure it’s standard procedure. Listen, TNA, Abyss either needs to be horrific and terrifying or your ultimate good guy. This in between crap is just plain silly.

And Finally … “The Turn” is gassing up the AMC Gremlin and taking a road trip to a town near you … assuming you live in, or about, the greater Boston area. In two weeks, “Turn” staffers will be rocking “Beantown” for some patriotic good times and general bloody sock mayhem. If your favorite promotion is holding an event the weekend of May 22-23, feel free to let us know at pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com and perhaps we’ll make arrangements to cover your card for the night and report all about it in this very column the following Friday. Let us know soon so arrangements can be made. We look forward to hanging out, Boston. It’ll be a wicked pissah.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of April 30-May 6, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Easily my favorite day of “The Turn” year, today we induct the third class of worthy entrants into the Turn Hall Of Fame. To my knowledge, the THOF remains the only honorary distinction given solely for excellence in televised wrestling.

While I won’t go back into the specifics that qualify someone for inclusion into the Hall, I would like to point out that in no way does this distinction reflect on the overall career or contribution each honoree made to the industry, overall. Have I ever—in the four-plus years of writing “The Turn”—ever cared about credibility? Wait … that didn’t come out right.

“Credibility” of a wrestler, not me. I mean, I work for PWI, so in reality I could just burn the voting process and simply put whoever the hell I wanted in the Hall. But what’s the fun in that, right? This whole deal is about you, the fans, and wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without getting you all involved.

No, I’ve always insisted that this column is for all of us: the fans of the industry. Your vote is just as important as anything I could come up with in this column. I’m just the guy that gets to take your message and put it down for the world to see.

So, this year we induct three bona fide legends into the THOF. The votes this year actually made my life a hell of a lot easier. No splitting hairs or making judgment calls on my part. I simply took the top three nominees—all of which were clear winners—and bestow upon them all the honor and prestige that comes with entrance into a three-year old online society. Jealous?

To recap, here are current members of the THOF as selected by you, the great fans of the industry:

CLASS OF 2008
Bobby Heenan (Builder)
Dusty Rhodes (Wrestler/Builder)
The Rock (Wrestler)

CLASS OF 2009
Sting (Wrestler)
Arn Andersen (Wrestler)
Rey Mysterio Jr. (Wrestler)

Now, without any further ado, I give you the Turn Hall Of Fame class of 2010. Frankly, I can’t believe that everyone in this class took so long to get the nod but better late than never, eh? Read on, friends:

CLASS OF 2010
“Stone-Cold” Steve Austin (Wrestler)

Perhaps the greatest part of Steve Austin’s metamorphosis from prissy rulebreaker to, well, badass rulebreaker is that no one—and we don’t care how hard they try to rewrite history—no one could have guessed that “Stunning” Steve Austin would one day become, arguably, one of the all-time great personas in the history of the industry. His story is one of persistence, fortunate timing, and undeniable charisma. Austin carried a company that was struggling to find its identity and stay afloat while the competition reached new levels of strength. A mainstay of WWF/WWE programming throughout the Monday night wars and beyond, “Stone-Cold” Steve Austin is inducted into the Turn Hall Of Fame in the “Wrestler” category.

Gordon Solie (Builder)

Think of the greatest voice in the industry. Got it? Okay, now imagine someone so revered and talented that they were actually the person that inspired your all-time great. That person was undoubtedly Gordon Solie. Few could tell a more compelling story on a Saturday morning (at least in the Philadelphia region) than Solie. The man helped coin the phrase “crimson mask” for God’s sake. That alone should have his face etched into the side of whatever chunk of rock becomes wrestling’s Mr. Rushmore. One of the last, genuine storytellers of the industry, Solie’s concern, excitement, and on-camera righteousness often times dwarfed the enormity of the event he was calling. For providing the narrative of our childhoods, Gordon Solie is inducted into the Turn Hall Of Fame in the “Builder” category.

Hulk Hogan (Wrestler)

Arguably the biggest icon of televised professional wrestling, Hulk Hogan helped define the generation where the industry and mainstream celebrity became one. Love him or hate him, Hogan is the reason why there’s even such a thing as televised wrestling in 2010. The man carried the WWF throughout the 1980s and early-1990s. When that era passed, he moved on to television and feature films. After that, Hogan almost single-handedly helped revive a near-dead WCW to the point that it became the gold standard for televised wrestling. His turn from all-time good guy to rulebreaker in 1996 remains one of the most shocking moments in the history of the industry and will forever go down as the smartest decision in WCW’s rise to prominence. After WWF’s acquisition of WCW in 2001, Hogan moved on to other ventures, only making the occasional wrestling appearance, highlighted by a memorable match with fellow THOF member The Rock at WrestleMania 18. With his full-time return to wrestling earlier this year as a member of TNA, now is as good a time as any to recognize the man’s contributions to televised wrestling. For all of this, Hulk Hogan is inducted into the Turn Hall of Fame in the “Wrestler” category.

There you go, fans. Perhaps our most decorated class of inductees, yet, and certainly all worthy of all the glitz and glamour that comes with inclusion in the THOF. Thank you all for your submissions and I’m sorry we could not put all of your nominees into the THOF. The call for this year’s class was far too strong to ignore, so I’m confident that this class is a fair representation of the sentiment of my fellow fans.

We’ll return next week with a regular edition of “The Turn” in all its glory. Rumor has it that our weeks will be getting spaced back out all the way through Thursdays once again, which is awesome. Wonder how TNA will explain the ratings slips on Thursday nights if they don’t rebound there, either?

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of April 23-29, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

I’m no medical doctor, but I’m willing to venture a guess that the amount of blood Hall and Nash found Syxx-Pac lying in backstage should have raised some concern seeing as how, you know, it was quite a bit.

But, you know, the attempted murder pales in comparison to who will walk away with the other’s WWE Hall of Fame ring, Abyss (Hogan’s ring) or Ric Flair. Hey, look at that—Samoa Joe is back, he’s angry and he’s headed for the X division … again.

In related news: Rob Van Dam likes weed, AJ Styles is still short, Matt Morgan is tag team champion, and the Beautiful People are queens of the Knockouts division. The best part of it all: I’m genuinely enjoying every moment.

No, I’m not watching Impact because it’s compelling television that makes me want to see the next moment more than the previous one. I’m loving Impact right now because it’s like watching those two moderately attractive drunk girls dance together at the bar. You know there’s a chance it could get good but, really, it’s the wildly unpredictable train-wreck that’s most entertaining. Right now, Impact’s makeup is running, every song is their “jam,” and they’re a stone’s throw away from warm Jäeger shots off her roommate’s bellybutton.

Okay, perhaps it’s not that zany, but man, am I enjoying Impact. It’s so scatter-shot and uncomfortable at times that I can’t get enough. It’s like watching an Ed Wood movie solely to point out the inconsistencies and flubs.

Sure, I’m thrown off by things like solid matches and clever storylines that seem to have compelling personnel and great twists, but the key is to look past that and focus on the good stuff. Keep on keepin’ on, TNA; the crazier the better.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (4/23)
Generally, when a tag team is split and matched up with each other, it’s clear that WWE has big plans for one and have already updated the HR file of the other. Where we take issue with the current feud between the former members of Cryme Tyme is that there doesn’t appear to be much of a future for either guy following this squabble. During last Friday night’s final broadcast of Smackdown before Extreme Rules, Shad got the best of JTG by attacking him with a strap from their upcoming strap match, which was fine. It leads into the pay-per-view and keeps the feud in the front of our minds. On Sunday night, during the pay card, JTG pulls out the victory in a predictably slow match. Our best guess is that WWE is just stretching this out as far as it can go to see who the fans warm up to but, as it stands, we don’t see either with WWE this time next year.

Raw (4/26)
Three hours of draft excitement—sign us up! The first pick is going to be decided in a Divas match? Ahh, well, okay … we’ll stick it out. Why not, eh? There will surely be some big names moving between brands now that we’re only picking from Smackdown and Raw, right? Kelly Kelly is going to … wait, she still works here, eh? Well … good for her and, apparently, Smackdown. As for the rest of the annual Raw pillaging of its blueheaded step-brother Smackdown, we genuinely liked some of the moves. Raw picked up Edge, Chris Jericho, R-Truth, and John Morrison, all of which are draws the big show desperately needed. Going the other way are the aforementioned Kelly, along with The Big Show, Kofi Kingston, and Christian who, God love ‘em all, don’t quite stack-up with the “random” picks Monday nights ended up receiving. Listen, we’re not saying the draft is rigged, but it’s professional wrestling run by a guy who used to make grown-ass men smooch his posterior for giggles.

Impact (4/26)
Specifics aside—and we are well aware that distinctions can be made—is it really smart for TNA to roll out any sort of ranking system when WWE is currently running a third brand that is based around, you guessed it, a ranking system? Now, to all you TNA freaks out there: Sit down, relax, and really take a moment to give this some thought. We’re not saying that TNA is a second-rate dog and pony show who trades gimmicks for gimmicks and fields a roster more likely to be seen at the blue plate special than your local night club. No, what we’re calling into question is why you would even want to have any sort of loose affiliation or potential connection to what WWE is doing with their developmental brand, that’s all. While TNA is using a weighted ranking system similar to that of any all-star game in professional sports (complete with fan voting), WWE is relying on a poll of the pros. See, completely different! Still, does the new TNA system feel a bit like someone is throwing their hands up and letting everyone else do the job?

NXT (4/27)
We swear we gave it a shot. Hell, we looked far and wide to try and find the silver lining that was the absolutely painful series of challenges the rookies are being forced to partake in each week on NXT. But, as low as it’s been over the past few weeks, Tuesday night’s “Seal The Deal” challenge—where the goal was to move as much WWE merch in 60 seconds as possible—was straight up embarrassing. Nothing about it was remotely clever or related to being a professional wrestler. Yes, we get that image and shilling are pretty much part and parcel in today’s industry, but hustling folks out of their hard-earned coin in a minute’s span is more carnival barker and less trained professional wrestler. Lately, NXT has us pining for the days of the intellectual forum that was the Diva Search.

And Finally … As much as it will pain long-time publisher and industry icon Stu Saks to relive the memory, on this date 33 years ago “Superstar” Billy Graham defeated Bruno Sammartino to capture the WWWF World championship on a card held in Baltimore, Maryland. Graham would go on to enjoy a nearly 10-month title run following the victory. Also, please forward your nominees for the Turn Hall Of Fame. Inductees will be announced next Friday, May 7, 2010, and we’ll be taking your nominations until 12:00 AM Thursday morning, May 6. Nominations can be forwarded to pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of April 16-22, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Last night was one of those great TV watching nights where there’s almost too much on to keep track of everything. Ironically, the only wrestling on Thursday nights is a repeat of Monday night’s Impact which, let’s be honest, wasn’t exactly vintage TNA. But, to be honest, I tuned in again last night to watch Rob Van Dam’s unlikely TNA championship win over A.J. Styles.

Yes, it was a great night for television but perhaps no event was bigger, at least in the U.S., than night one of the NFL draft. For the uninitiated or those “Turn” readers from outside the States, the NFL draft is the event where massive athletes in their early-20s become multi-millionaires based solely on potential and the ability to move merchandise. Sound familiar?

Given the phenomenal popularity of professional football in the States, the NFL draft has become something that diehard fans look forward to and, in many cases, research and prepare documentation as if they were actually going to participate in the draft. Meatheads become nerds and nerds become, well, bigger nerds who can run regression analyses. It’s a time where everyone is a football fan and we can all agree that the supporters of the host city New York Giants are morons.

Now, while I fully recognize that WWE has become well known in the industry for staging its own “draft” (or, rather, a restructuring of talent for storyline purposes) whenever it needs a three-hour time-filler (like, next week for example), the dreamer in me wondered, Who would I—were the entire industry at my disposal—draft to start a promotion?

In the interest of full disclosure: I despise “lists” in writing primarily because I feel as if it’s a crutch. As a writer, it’s as simple as coming up with an outline of your story and, essentially, slapping it down on paper with a bit of commentary. Look back through everything I’ve written both here and in the PWI family of magazines and you will not find a “list” column.

With that being said, I will argue that the following outline of my top five selections in the fantasy world wrestling promotion draft is not a list. But, rather, the top five people in the industry today around whom I would build a promotion. Unfortunately—and this will of course come as a shock to the haters—you won’t find your favorite indy wrestler crack the top five. Hell, I’m trying to make money and put together a promotion not correct all the ills of the industry. See how quickly I can go McMahony when I have unlimited power and resources? I feel like a super villain.

So, without further ado, here are my top five draft picks were I able to start my very own promotion:

1. Randy Orton, WWE, 6'4", 245 lbs., St. Louis, MO

2. C.M. Punk, WWE, 6'1", 222 lbs., Chicago, IL

3. Edge, WWE, 6'5", 250 lbs., Toronto, Ontario, Canada

4. Frankie Kazarian, TNA, 6'1", 215 lbs., Anaheim, CA

5. Ted DiBiase Jr., WWE, 6'3", 225 lbs., West Palm Beach, FL

I decided to go with a nice blend of seasoned veterans with plenty of years ahead of them and younger guys who can draw. I avoided the bigger names primarily because no one really grabbed me as being someone I’d like to anchor my new organization, honestly.

What are your thoughts? If you could pick five wrestlers—and, hell, surprise me with an indy darling—to start a promotion, who would they be?

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (4/16)
While we’re not exactly big fans, we will admit that the man who seems to have fared the best—you know, aside from Jack Swagger—following the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania 26 has been Dolph Ziggler. We say this because before the match he was, at best, a mid-tier guy with a goofy gimmick and, guess what, he’s right back there now. Anyone who predicted big things from this guy want to rethink that position?

Raw (4/19)
To be fair, even if Iceland had not been clouding up half the globe with volcanic ash not much could have saved this past Monday night’s Raw, which was hosted by the lead actors in the upcoming, “holy hell how is this not straight to DVD” classic, MacGruber. If memory serves us correctly—and please feel free to let us know—this was the first Raw hosted by actors who were in character for the evening, no? We didn’t know how they’d top Hasselhoff, either, but, damned if they didn’t dig a ditch to drop the bar into.

Impact (4/19)
In what can only be described as a shocker, TNA newcomer Rob Van Dam became the new World champion by defeating the “Nature Boy” A.J. Styles in the main event on Monday night. Whether this somehow ushers in a new era at TNA is beyond us. Frankly, we’ve looked at this situation from every possible angle and still cannot figure out how it makes sense. But, it’s always exciting to see a world title change hands in a clean finish on weekly TV, so we’re not complaining.

NXT (4/20)
In an admittedly unusual move, we’re going to argue that the idiotic challenges—and they are idiotic—on NXT are actually a good thing for the brand rather than a cripplingly uninteresting way to grind the season to a halt. While that may seem like a backhanded compliment, allow us to explain. The fact is, a lot of these guys need the publicity and these schlocky competitions among the rookies allows everyone to be seen at some point. When your program is based around building characters and promoting youth, you have to do stupid things like this. In TNA, this would just be a weekly eight-man tag match which, come to think of it, doesn’t sound so bad at this point.

And Finally … For the first time in the six-year history of the event, TNA’s Lockdown pay-per-view had two men each wrestle in two different matches. Rob Van Dam defeated James Storm and was later part of the victorious Team Hogan in the main event. The other man to pull off the feat, Kevin Nash, defeated Eric Young earlier in the night and lost to Team 3-D in a tag match with Scott Hall.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of April 9-15, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

“Band Aid.”

When you read the phrase, I’m willing to bet that your mind immediately flashes to the convenient adhesive strips used to cover small wounds and help prevent infection. However, if you’re north of 35, it may also evoke memories of the now 26-year-old superband project that raised millions of dollars for worldwide causes. But, even that use of the phrase was a play off of the more common usage.

I bring this up for the sheer purpose of raising the following question: Do we all realize that Band Aid is simply a brand name for a much simpler product? Oh, it’s true. From years of usage and identification, a rather basic product manufactured by Johnson & Johnson has essentially preempted the field and become the terminology used to describe any piece of flexible, translucent brown adhesive tape with a small gauze pad in the center. No need trying; this sucker ain’t changing anytime soon.

Here is rhetorical question number two of this intro: Do we all realize that the phrase “WWE Universe” actually was the name associated with WWE’s online social networking community? I suppose Dorkspace was taken? Ahh, c’mon, I kid because I care and, frankly, because I’ve got the column.

But, seriously, have we all lost sight of the fact that WWE has taken what would have otherwise been an overlooked marketing scheme for a glorified chat room and made it not only a household phrase (assuming your household follows the industry) but did so in a way that left us all using it for everything Stamford related in the process? Allow me to break down that extraordinarily long sentence before my editors have at it:

Next time you sit down to watch a WWE broadcast, take note of the amount of times the phrase is repeated throughout the evening. Then, go back and think of what the person who uttered it was referring to. Was it the networking site? All of the fanbase? The website itself? The talent? All of the above? Something completely different for which it should absolutely never apply?

It’s a brilliant, albeit confusing, marketing scheme that will only remain effective as long as we give it credibility of any sort. For most, I’m sure this is simply an innocuous little nuance that is better left overlooked. Unfortunately for WWE, I tend to live in that wonderful gray area that is nuanced crap which drives people to the brink of insanity. Remember when the Ultimate Warrior changed the color of the WWF championship belt strap? My head nearly exploded. And, don’t even get me started on the various spinner belts.

My hope is that whatever company you prefer, or if you simply eschew what passes for televised wrestling today in favor of your local indy promotion, you take the time to see through the crap that some folks will feed you. You’re not part of any company’s “Universe,” whatever the hell that will be construed to be at any given moment. If anything, these companies should be naming their ridiculous marketing schemes after us seeing as how consumers tend to be the lifeblood of a business entity.

WWE Universe is a chat community, that’s it. We, on the other hand, are fans who happen to live in different areas. Hope this education didn’t hurt too much. Perhaps we should all invest in an adhesive strip and let the healing begin.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (4/9)
We were just as shocked and saddened as everyone else to finally see that Cryme Tyme had officially gone their separate ways as evidenced by Shad Gaspard’s beatdown on former running buddy JTG. As we gasped in front of our 60” flat screen TV at “The Turn” headquarters, the only question that came to mind was, “Cryme Tyme’s still with the company?” Turns out they are. How about that? Well, good luck to whichever is intended to be the Shawn Michaels. Better luck to the Marty Jannetty.

Raw (4/12)
We at “The Turn” appreciate the kitchiness that comes with random celebrities poking fun at their former lives. But, there’s still something about David Hasselhoff that creeps us out beyond words. Maybe it’s the hair or, perhaps, the burger on the bathroom floor video (look it up, true believer), but nothing about the man screams “professional wrestling.” We’ve actually encountered mixed reviews on Hasselhoff’s hosting of Raw on Monday night, which is somewhat positive, we suppose. Oh, and for anyone keeping count: Baywatch—in its original incarnation—was cancelled in 1999. Keep being topical, WWE. That finger keeps getting further and further from the pulse, no?

Impact (4/12)
Monday night’s Impact was the final broadcast for TNA prior to Lockdown this Sunday night and, overall, the show was good. Plenty of buildup for the pay card was presented and intrigue abounded throughout the night. Strangely, however, it hit us that despite there being a plethora of security cameras available—and relied upon—by companies such as TNA, there’s never any security available to remedy the situation. For example, Abyss was run down in the parking lot on Monday night, which, strangely, isn’t uncommon. But, here’s the rub: With all these cameras around, why do 7’ behemoths still get attacked? We’re starting to think these “security cameras” are really just part of the show … for the last 20 years or so. It’s lazy story telling whenever it’s used. Not just a TNA thing.

NXT (4/13)
Who else absolutely loves the fact that Daniel Bryan has yet to win a match on NXT, but remains the favorite of the pros and folks on the net? I mean, how stupid are the people on the Internet who follow and comment on something they’ve never done themselves? You know what we’re saying, right? All these Internet jackasses think they know what they’re talking about. They sit behind their computers and build guys up regardless of skill and talent and WWE is finally calling them all out on it. Take that, guys-on-the-Internet-who-write-crap-but-aren’t-as-smart-as-WWE! Wait … ah, crap.

And Finally … Sunday marks the eight-year anniversary of the death of the great Wahoo McDaniel. The bruising Choctaw-Chickasaw passed away due to complications from diabetes and renal failure. He was 63.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of April 2-8, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Chris “Kanyon” Klucsaritis was found dead this week of what is being initially reported as a suicide brought on by an intentional overdose of prescription medicine. While the investigation is still ongoing, there does not seem to be much outward contravention of that initial report which tends to give credibility to the first assessment of authorities.

Very honestly, to me, the cause of death does not matter. No, the story of Kanyon’s life is far more tragic than the sordid details of how it ended. Often overlooked throughout his career and, when in the spotlight, never given the credit he may have deserved, Kanyon was little more than an afterthought during the Monday Night War era. He had TV time, sure, but there was nothing more to Kanyon—as he was presented—than a goofy villain that fans enjoyed seeing beaten.

No, it was nothing in the ring that Kanyon did, or his early demise, that will be his enduring legacy. Rather, it will be the fact that Kanyon came out of the closet as his career wound down and admitted being a gay man. Initially, this was done for storyline purposes but, eventually, it simply became reality.

While Kanyon never had the opportunity to change public perception about homosexuals in the industry, the mere fact that he acknowledged his lifestyle while still alive is impressive. A spotlight has been cast on one of the best kept secrets in all of sports; a face can now be associated with the discussion.

Everyone at “The Turn” sends our deepest condolences to the friends and family of Chris Klucsaritis.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (4/2)
Sooo … Jack Swagger, eh? Anyone see this one coming because, frankly, we didn’t. Oh, it was pretty cool and all, but is the kid really ready to be “The Man” on any brand? Swagger has all the makings of a guy WWE would love to elevate and keep near the main event scene for years to come. Ever since his debut it has been evident that there is something vested in this guy that may be beyond our comprehension. So, in that regard, there’s no time like the present to bring him up to the top of the mountain and see how he fares, right? Again, we’re fine with that. Actually—and this is through no fault of Swagger’s whatsoever—likely what’s bothering us is that once again the guaranteed title shot was used in the same ol’ manner we’ve become accustomed to. You know the story: champ is pummeled, briefcase is cashed in, new champion. Not a ton of intrigue. Just once, we’d like to see the champ put up something of a fight or—as crazy as this sounds—win.

Raw (4/5)
Sadly, David Otunga—the NXT rookie who served as guest host this week—probably didn’t do much to increase his standing in the eyes of the pros, and certainly didn’t do himself any favors by siding with Batista. By turning his back on WWE champion John Cena and costing his team the Unified tag title, Otunga certainly added a layer to his persona that was painfully absent during his time on NXT. In that regard, his time with Raw works for us. But—and here’s the rub—where does it go from here? Otunga will head back to Tuesday nights with little more than a story about how he screwed over the WWE golden boy … once. Will it be enough to keep him around on NXT? It’s hard to say but, if we we’re putting money on it, we’d say it doesn’t look good. Guess he’ll just have to fall back on that Harvard Law education and Academy Award winning significant other. Poor fella.

Impact (4/5)
Questionable use of Rob Van Dam aside (A feud with James Storm? Really?), we wanted to take our spot devoted to TNA to send our virtual well-wishes to one of the all-time greats in the company’s brief history. Christopher Daniels—a former X division, NWA tag team, and World X Cup champion—was released from TNA after more than seven years with the company. Whether you loved or hated him, it’s hard to argue that the man ever offered up a lousy match during his time in TNA. His three-way feud with Samoa Joe and A.J. Styles was some of the finest action TNA has ever produced and that alone should be enough for fans to lament his release. But, in recent years, Daniels has been relegated to side roles (Curry Man and Suicide), playing a much less integral role in the programming. Still, when he was allowed to shine, there were few better. TNA’s loss is ROH’s gain … again. Good luck, “Fallen Angel.”

NXT (4/6)
Alright, WWE may be taking things a bit too far with the NXT prize structure. We’re cool with the winner becoming the next “breakout star”—whatever the hell that is—but we do, actually, take exception to the notion that the NXT winner gets a title shot … on a pay-per-view. While we’re sure there’s no way in hell that even the most brilliant minds at WWE creative (think of the most entertaining trained circus animal) would not bury the NXT winner in little more than a squash match, who in their right mind is going to pony up for this? Pay-per-views have become ridiculously expensive and, as much as we love a guy like Daniel Bryan, we’re not sure that a Bryan-Swagger or Bryan-Cena match is restaurant quality. Give him a shot on Raw and let’s be done with it. Besides, it’s becoming harder and harder to distinguish between Raw and most pay cards anyway.

And Finally … While we hate being wrong, we’ll never pass up the opportunity to thank a reader for drawing our attention to an error we may have made. In the “And Finally …” prior to WrestleMania 26, we neglected to include Mr. McMahon’s loss in a street fight to Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania XIX when recounting the boss’ failures over the years at the company’s biggest event. Thanks to reader Todd Davis for correcting us. In Todd’s honor, we fired a senior member of our fact-check team this week. Here’s to hoping he gets that medical insurance he so desperately needs at his next gig. Hope you're happy, Todd!

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of March 26-April 1, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

So … that was WrestleMania. The greatest spectacle of all sports-entertainment. It was, certainly, an event that happened last Sunday night, wasn’t it?

Alright, I have to admit, I was not enamored with the card going into the event, so that likely colored my opinion. Still, I figured I would give the night my undivided attention for a couple of reasons: 1. It’s just a fun night to be a fan and, 2. After paying however much it was going to cost, I may as well have tried to enjoy it.

Unfortunately, my end opinion of WrestleMania 26 was exactly the same as the expectations I had going into it: low. It’s not that I intensely disliked the show—I didn’t. There were parts where I felt things could’ve gone differently or were ridiculously predictable, even by WWE standards. For example, did anyone truly believe John Cena would not win the gold, or Randy Orton would not exact revenge on what used to be Legacy? Me either. It’s that predictability that can make an event memorable, yet when overdone, leaves us feeling cheated.

There were, actually, other parts of the night that surprised me, pleasantly or otherwise. First, I loved that The Undertaker-Shawn Michaels career vs. streak match was the main event. Excellent way to honor two bona fide legends of the industry and a hell of a way to send off one of my all-time favorites. Among the more curious of finishes was the C.M. Punk-Rey Mysterio Jr. match, which saw the masked one avoid compulsory entrance into the Straight Edge Society. Is the angle dead? Not likely, but what a strange direction in which to take it. The only way I can see this progressing is if destroying or converting Rey becomes Punk’s obsession.

And, of course, the strangest result of the night was easily the Money In The Bank ladder match, which saw the coronation of Jack Swagger as holder of the guaranteed title shot (which, rumor has it, he didn’t hold on to for very long).

As much as I attempt to avoid using insider industry parlance, it hit me last night that Swagger isn’t getting what is commonly referred to as a “push,” but rather he’s enjoying the benefit of what I’d like to call a “shove.” A push is moving a guy into position to succeed and selling him to a fan base as the next big thing. A shove is what a promotion does when it’s desperate for a new big name to emerge.

WWE did it with Kozlov, Umaga, and Khali and is now doing it with Swagger. I actually like Swagger as part of the mix, but this all feels very forced. Swagger is getting his shove.

Overall, ’Mania felt relatively bland. It was like ordering a meal you expected to be satisfying—not spectacular—and it turned out to be just that. I felt full afterwards, but I don’t know if I would go around recommending the place to my friends and family. What were your thoughts on this year’s edition of WrestleMania? Am I off, or was this basically a monthly PPV card with the added bonus of two gimmick matches? Sound off at pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com.

Also, keep your nominees for the Turn Hall Of Fame coming. I had a feeling that this was going to be a strange year for nominees and, thanks to you all, that has proven to be the case. It’s times like these where my belief that PWI readers are the most knowledgeable in the business is only reinforced.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (3/26)
The final WWE broadcast prior to WrestleMania 26 had a distinctly “Oh crap … we completely forgot about Smackdown” feel to it but, unfortunately for the Friday night program, that’s usually the case. Matches for the Sunday night card were built up and we all saw copious amounts of Vickie Guerrero. Ending the broadcast with a Big Show-R-Truth singles match was the cherry on top of a “we’re contractually obligated to broadcast a show” sundae.

Raw (3/29)
Did the rest of Raw even matter on Monday night or could we, quite literally, have just focused on Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels’ respective speeches? By and large, the show was acceptable, but who cares? Hart was closing one long, drawn-out 13-year chapter of his life while a man he will be inextricably linked to for the rest of his life was leaving the industry after 20-plus years. For once, John Cena was right: We couldn’t see him.

Impact (3/29)
Honestly, and we say this with great sincerity, we have no clue what the hell is going on with Impact. Of course, we follow the show and digest what we see, but overall, it’s a damn mess. Case in point: We do not condone what happened between Awesome Kong and Bubba The Love Sponge backstage but to see her jettisoned off into obscurity and have him part of a major angle … Say what? The Pope is still number-one contender to the TNA World title … did you recall that? Orlando Jordan desperately wants us to know that he likes gals and guys. Abyss is very likely the silliest character in the company right now and all sources point to Hogan. Hey, maybe that .6 in the ratings wasn’t a fluke, after all.

NXT (3/30)
The first poll of the pros was released and Daniel Bryan led the pool of rookies in the voting with David Otunga rounding out the list. Fortunately for Otunga, he would later win a battle royal to become … the guest host of Raw this upcoming Monday. Is that a prize, per se? How about jumping him up a few spots in the poll so he can, you know, keep his job.

And Finally … Happy belated birthday to multi-time World champion and world-class concussion-giver Randy Orton who turned 30-years-old yesterday.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of March 19-25, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

As brutal, record-setting winter turns to mild, unassuming spring here in the greater Blue Bell, Pennsylvania, area, we at “The Turn” are reminded of all that is great with this season of rebirth. Of course, baseball returns to our lives, as does the yearly spectacle that is WrestleMania. Folks show off their eerily ashen legs far too soon and it is precisely those nearly translucent gams that remind us at “Turn” HQ that it is time to induct some more TV heroes into the Turn Hall of Fame.

As we do every year around this time, allow us to refresh the process and qualifications for enshrinement in the most highly respected hall of fame on the PWI website:

1. There are no specific categories. We’re not looking for the “best” or “worst” of all-time, but rather folks whose body of work on televised wrestling is worthy of inclusion in THOF. Look for overall contribution to either the betterment or detriment of televised wrestling. There is no minimum career durational requirement.

2. Consider all televised wrestling over the past 20 or so years. Yep, that’s right—if there’s an indy promotion in your state that has been running a show with one wrestler who you feel deserves mention, nominate him (or her). Better yet, if you have a link to an online clip of to their greatness, forward that along as well. It could only help your nominee’s chances. We’ll do the legwork from there.

3. There are two possible ways to get into the THOF and that is either as a wrestler or as, what we’ll call, a “builder.” Builders would be the folks that may have stepped into the ring on occasion, but are best known for the stuff within a show that helps make it more of a, well, television show.

Our hope is that this third class of entrants into the THOF is just as diverse and awe-inspiring as their predecessors. In order to prevent redundancies, as well as provide us with a trip down THOF memory lane, the current inductees are:

Class of 2008
Bobby Heenan (Builder)
Dusty Rhodes (Wrestler/Builder)
The Rock (Wrestler)

Class of 2009
Sting (Wrestler)
Arn Andersen (Wrestler)
Rey Mysterio Jr. (Wrestler)

It’s also worth noting that we at “The Turn” very honestly have no say in the selection process aside from tallying the votes and announcing the winners. This is purely a fan-driven selection process and we’re damn proud of that. It’s your hall and our pleasure. Nominees will be accepted until April 30 with the 2010 class of THOF inductees being announced on May 7, 2010. Send your nominees to pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com… and pick us some winners, eh?

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (3/19)
We have to admit that deep down no one at “Turn” HQ truly believed we were going actually have a Canuck vs. Canuck World championship match at WrestleMania 26. We figured that at some point, there would be some sort of strange stipulation or interference that would deny the fans of seeing a Chris Jericho-vs.-Edge match with Smackdown’s biggest prize on the line. Yet, here we are, less than 60 hours from the big event, with absolutely zero original (and we use the term loosely) WWE televised programming to go (we won’t ruin tonight’s Smackdown for you but, c’mon, sneak a peek), and Edge and Jericho still hold their respective positions in the title match. The buildup to this grand finale has been, at best, clever, yet surprisingly lukewarm. We expected much more out of this feud, however considering the fact that both guys are, arguably, more valuable to WWE because of their rhetoric and images more so than their wrestling, we suppose a war of words will have to do. On Sunday night, we’re going with the “Rated R Superstar” in a surprisingly easy title change.

Raw (3/22)
It's funny—in a tragic way— to think that one of the greatest baseball players in the storied history of the game will forever be inextricably linked with gambling and professional wrestling. If only Pete Rose, Raw’s guest host on Monday night, had gambled on wrestling instead of his own team. As it stands, the final Raw before WrestleMania 26 was anchored by baseball’s hit king rocking some serious Incredible Hulk hair and your typical last-minute build-ups. Our final calls: Match of the Night—Michaels vs. Undertaker; Disappointment of the Night—Cena vs. Batista. Mark 'em down and enjoy the show.

Impact (3/22)
This week’s installment of Impact reminded us a lot of one of the later movies in the Rocky series. You kind of figured it would end much better than the beginning and middle had led us to assume. Had you told us on Sunday that Impact would open with a ridiculous Eric Bischoff guitar segment—which it did—and end with a phenomenal tag match between the teams of Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam squaring off against Beer Money, Inc., we would’ve called you a liar and stolen your mom’s newspaper just to drive her batcrap nuts, blaming the lazy delivery boy and that lovely immigrant family up the street. But, despite 110 mediocre to crappy minutes of television, TNA ended on a very high note this week, which is encouraging. Someday, our greatest hope for Impact is that the ratio is reversed.

NXT (3/23)
As we’ve mentioned time and again here, we are enjoying the concept and effort that is NXT for the time being. Now, as it was announced on Tuesday night that next week—on the first episode immediately following WrestleMania 26—the weeding out process of the NXT rookies will commence. This is where we tend to cringe if only because we’re now treading into reality television territory, which is never a good thing. Yes, we realize that it’s the pros making the calls on which rookies will remain and which need further conditioning at the lower levels, but if you think for a second what you’re watching is a legitimate talent-scouting competition then we just feel bad for you. Prepare to be very, very frustrated, although we seriously hope we’re wrong on this one.

And Finally … Bret Hart’s match with Vince McMahon this Sunday night at WrestleMania 26 will be his first appearance at WWE’s biggest card in 13 years. His last ’Mania match was a victory over “Stone-Cold” Steve Austin in a submission match at WrestleMania 13 in Chicago. Over the same 13-year period, McMahon has competed at two ’Manias (WM 17 and 22) and lost both times, to Shane McMahon and Shawn Michaels, respectively.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of March 12-18, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Following up on one of the last stories I covered during my run as a writer for the PWI family of magazines (I was caught night putting with the dean’s daughter and relegated to the cyber world), the Linda McMahon campaign for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of Connecticut is, in a word, legit. In four, M.C. Hammer-ish words, it’s damn near “too legit to quit.”

In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, McMahon had pulled ahead of fellow Republican Rob Simmons by a margin of 44 to 33 percent of likely primary voters, meaning that were the vote held today, we would be discussing the very real possibility of a McMahon on Capitol Hill. You know, aside from when they have to go to discuss steroids and such.

What seemed to be a massive liability at the onset, appears to have been McMahon’s greatest asset. Pundits believe that the McMahon family’s deep pockets have allowed her to maintain a greater level of exposure than her opponents, which, to her credit, has worked to her advantage. Who knew that oily, partially nude men would actually be of benefit to the Republican party?

Although there is still plenty of time before a primary election would be needed (in August, if necessary), it has to be a tremendous boost of confidence for the McMahons to see the matriarch in such a great position. As the year progresses, it will be interesting to see how McMahon holds up to the increased scrutiny and spotlight. Once voters get past the obvious novelty value of having McMahon in the race, they will want to hear what her positions are on vital policy issues facing the people of Connecticut. It is only then that we will all have a better idea of how McMahon would fare in the general election.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (3/12)
In what was easily the best televised segment on any WWE programming this year and, perhaps, arguably the best in a couple of years, C.M. Punk cemented his status as one of this generation’s best villains. It was fun rooting for him as a fan favorite for his first few years in WWE, but this version of Punk—as any indy fan will tell you—is as vintage as it gets and truly what helped make him the darling of the circuit. Although the segment was as dated as any involving a wrestler’s family, Punk’s public tormenting of Rey Mysterio Jr. in front of his wife and kids was both grotesque and beautiful. There was a genuine look of insanity on Punk’s face as if he was hoping with each horrific syllable that Mysterio would lose his trademark cool and attack the straight-edge star to the horror of his children. Punk’s diatribe reminded us of a Legacy-free Randy Orton, and that’s a hell of a thing. Well done, WWE.

Impact (3/15)
TNA’s taking a great leap of faith by putting such faith in a possibly-headed-to-prison Jeff Hardy, especially coming off of an atrocious .8 rating for last week’s episode. And, although Monday night’s main event between Hardy and TNA World champion A.J. Styles was restaurant-quality entertainment, the night still felt disjointed and scattershot. First, how is it that free agent acquisition Rob Van Dam is so underutilized so soon? Plus, why is Brooke Hogan remaining such an “integral” part in her dad’s storyline? What the hell is the appeal of Abyss? What’s the deal with the Nash-Young-Hall-Waltman angle? There are ever so many questions that come with the new, new TNA and yet so few answers that it’s starting to have the feel of the waning days of WCW.

Raw (3/15)
We know that whatever Bret Hart has left in the proverbial tank will be left in the ring at WrestleMania 26, assuming his match with Mr. McMahon takes place as anticipated. The man is a consummate professional and wants the world’s last in-ring view of him to be one befitting a legend of his stature. That’s why the brain trust here at “The Turn” sincerely hope this match never, ever occurs. Monday night’s set-up of McMahon, apparently orchestrated by Hart and guest host “Stone-Cold” Steve Austin—where Hart revealed that he is not, in fact, injured—was clever enough. We enjoyed the ol’ switcheroo and it’s been great seeing Bret on a semi-regular basis. But, what we’re going to get at ’Mania, should this indeed happen, is not going to be anything more than a PG-rated “street fight” that will likely not be nearly as satisfying as it would’ve been 10 years ago.

NXT (3/16)
A’ight, so we’ve found something about NXT that doesn’t quite feel right to us and we’ll send you a genuine, bona fide autographed Turn oven mitt if you can guess the answer in less than two words. Got it? And your answer is … oooh, so sorry, you were way off. No, the correct answer is actually: theme music. That’s right, while we’re overall still pretty high on the concept of NXT, it wasn’t until this past Tuesday night that we realized how strange it is to see the protégés enter the arena to the theme music of their pros. Case in point: Did anyone else catch the entrance of Michael Tarver on Tuesday night? The menacing bruiser with the build of a brick outhouse stepped out from behind the curtain, shoulders pointed straight toward his prey, a remorseless look on his face as he made his way down the ramp to … Carlito’s light, fluffy tune better suited for an airport in Kingston. Mood, killed.

And Finally ... Happy 51st birthday tomorrow, March 20th, to Omaha, Nebraska’s own Steve “Sting” Borden. Technically, according to semi-reputable sources, a birth date of March 20, 1959 makes Sting only six years younger than Hulk Hogan. Take a look at both gents next time they appear on the same program and make the call as to whether we’re talking six human or dog years.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of March 5-11, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

The resuscitated zombie that is the new “Monday Night War” kicked off in earnest this week and did so with TNA pitting two actual, undead zombies against each other in the ring. Through the miracle of modern science, two med school cadavers were reanimated, covered in something resembling tanned chicken skin and forced to battle it out on the industry’s second biggest stage.

I mean, wow! If you didn’t happen to catch this abomination against mankind then … wait … not a zombie? That was Hogan and Flair? But, didn’t the one retire? And, didn't the other divorce the woman he was married to only to shack up with a younger model that kind of resembles her? They both did? I feel ill.

So, apparently TNA reanimated the med school cadavers of Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair to help kick off Impact’s attempt to compete with Raw on Monday nights. I was watching Big Bang Theory. I don’t pay much attention to wrestling and such.

In all seriousness, I’m genuinely happy to see TNA and WWE give me alternatives on the same night. It’s funny, because in one regard, guys like me always touted the fact that with TNA in the mix there now was an alternative to WWE, but we all know that wasn’t the case. But, for once, I think I figured out just why that was so.

From production value all the way down to storylines, WWE trumped TNA for, well, forever. TNA was sparklers to WWE’s quarter-sticks of dynamite. However, I don’t believe that the distinctions could ever truly be measured against each other without the programs going head-to-head, as they will now. The alternative is only effective when it occurs on the same night. I need an instant alternative, not one that occurs three days later.

That was the beauty of the original Monday Night War. You flipped back and forth between two options and created an evening that was catered to your taste. That’s why we in the States get excited when there are two football games on at once—constant entertainment.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (3/5)
Well, well, well. Smackdown has two extraordinarily talented former world champions with open dance cards the night of WrestleMania 26 and no real substantive history between them. The feud between Rey Mysterio Jr. and C.M. Punk genuinely intrigues us from a grudge match perspective. Punk has ample material with which to unleash his verbal arsenal on Rey who, in his own right, can do no wrong in the fans’ eyes. This angle feels like the rare throwback to those buildups of the 1980s where storylines were as much about philosophical differences as they were physical. Last Friday night’s beatdown by the Straight Edge Society while Rey’s daughter watched was the perfect way to kick this angle into high gear with only three weeks left to go. Wonder when it will become official.

Raw (3/8)
A great magic trick Raw guest host Kris Angel could have done would have been to make Monday night’s broadcast better. But, alas, no amount of smoke and mirrors could mask the feeling that WWE was simply mailing in another pre-’Mania broadcast. Starting the night off with Undertaker-Michaels buildup was, perhaps, too ambitious. From that segment, the night actually had a nice mix of matches and interviews. The problem was that neither was particularly compelling. We like the demise of Legacy, and don't mind Sheamus having one last run in the limelight, but the McMahon-centric main event angle is just sad. Is the hook McMahon and Bret Hart, or is it John Cena and Batista? Are they pushing revenge or redemption? Could Batista and Cena be a great, terrible match at ’Mania or the greatest, terrible match at ’Mania? We're willing to believe that this one”s being decided on the fly.

Impact (3/8)
You know how you had that sinking, sick feeling in your stomach that Hulk Hogan would turn TNA into his own, personal shillfest? Recall how all the Hogan slappies out there shot down your concerns as nonsense, insisting that this new era of TNA would reignite competitive television and make the product better? Not that we're entirely unbiased, but please placate our egos by considering the facts that Hall, Waltman, Bubba The Love Sponge, and The Nasty Boyz have all appeared on televised wrestling ... in 2010. Add to that the painfully uncomfortable, yet far more palatable than her "singing,” performance of Brooke Hogan this week, and the argument essentially decides itself. There’s a reason why this schlock was only playing in Australia before TNA. Hey, we’ve now found two things she’s not good at, as opposed to pole dancing during a “performance” in front of her pops at spring break. It’s true … look it up, kids.

NXT (3/9)
Our selection for NXT competitor of the week would have to go to the increasingly impressive Heath Slater. We're not entirely sold on the whole Heath Slater brand, we're willing to look past it for the time being and enjoy his in-ring development. On a related note, we believe we’ve identified and can now enjoy the tremendous level of subversive comedy that comes from The Miz "mentoring" Daniel Bryan. At first, we found it insulting but maybe—just maybe—the minds at WWE saw this, too, and are actually intending for this pairing to come off this way. A reality star turned wrestler teaching anything to, arguably, one of the most technically sound wrestlers alive is irony that is too slick to be unintentional ... right?

And Finally … Yesterday marked the 17th anniversary of one of the strangest wrestling deaths we’ve ever come across. “Canada’s Strongest Man” Dino Bravo was found shot 17 times—in a circular pattern—in the back of his head in 1993. Allegations swirled regarding Bravo’s involvement in organized crime in his home province of Quebec in the weeks following his untimely demise.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of February 26-March 4, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Perhaps it was fitting that come 11:07 this past Monday night I felt as if I had just spent two hours in Amsterdam’s finest herbal establishment. Although, as a writer, I love the Raw guest host weekly fiasco because it helps generate money for me which I then take and convert into goods and services. Still, as a fan of both the industry and the guys that used to be Cheech and Chong, all I can say is, “Wow!”

In all honestly, I’m not sure which area of my fandom feels more insulted following Monday night’s debacle. Is it possible for WWE to insult the wrestling fan in me any more than it has over the years? Unlikely. It’s extraordinarily difficult to find a situation where WWE will find some new and different way to make me ashamed that I watch its programming, primarily because that would first require WWE to do something new and different. Given the unlikelihood of that happening, I can safely say that it was not the wrestling fan who was insulted.

So, shifting gears, does that mean that the 19-year-old Phish fan in me was disappointed that Cheech and Chong have finally done something so overtly dumb that even Frank from the wayback machine can’t justify it? Possibly. The greatest thing about growing up and enjoying the goofiness of Cheech and Chong was that it seemed to come so naturally to the guys. It was dumb and silly and great. Fast forward to 2010, and I’m now watching the same guys try to be silly, going so far as to ingest laced Lucky Charms given to them by a fake leprechaun. Were this 1980, this would be awesome; in 2010, it’s just sad.

The Raw guest host program is now ruining other parts of my life, so thank you WWE. I believe they have yet to touch upon my childhood, so if they could somehow sully the memories of Nickelodeon, water ice on the stoop, and a sprinkler that constituted a pool, that would just be great.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (2/26)
While we’ve never been big fans of Dolph Ziggler and still wouldn’t call ourselves Ziggler supporters, his performance in last Friday’s Money In The Bank qualifying match was solid. In fact, we were so impressed with his victory over the rapidly fading John Morrison and the “Wow, he still works here?” R-Truth, we don’t even mind his inclusion in, arguably, the most exciting match on the biggest WWE card of the year. Of course, we don’t think he has a shot in hell of winning the coveted briefcase, but it will be fun to watch him get thrown off of something high.

Raw (3/1)
Hey, Triple-H is back in the picture for WrestleMania 26, and naturally it looks as if his opponent will be … Sheamus. Sheamus, Huh? That’s something. Now, it’s true that in the past we’ve been just as guilty as anyone else of bashing Triple-H for commanding too much of the Raw brand but—God help us—we need the guy back. That’s right. We ask—nay, demand—that Triple-H move back into the main-event picture. WWE, and the world at large, needs a reliable performer anchoring the big cards. Although we’re fans of Sheamus, this whole angle just feels forced and genuinely has no long-term ramifications for either wrestler. Sheamus will likely be shelved by the summer and Triple-H only has to snap his fingers and he’s automatically a 39-time world champion, or whatever we’re up to at this point.

NXT (3/2)
While we generally pride ourselves here at “The Turn” for not being high-spot junkies, we would be remiss to not shine the spotlight on one Justin Gabriel and his phenomenal use of the very same move that allowed Paul London to become unemployed. That’s right, kids, the 450 is apparently legal, fun to use, and very well done by Gabriel. The main event of the second episode of NXT featured the mentor-mentee tandems of William Regal & Skip Sheffield and Matt Hardy & Justin Gabriel. In what was an overall routine match, Gabriel’s high-wire act to end the contest left us genuinely looking forward to next week’s installment.

Impact (3/5)
Alright … so, as of next week, Impact is moving to Monday nights in the hopes of finally—finally—going head-to-head with Raw. While we applaud TNA’s gusto in finally taking the step we’ve always called for them to take, we’re not sold on the idea of two men with a combined age of 117 years lacing up the boots as part of the main event. TNA closed out its Thursday schedule last night by setting up its live, Monday night offering which will feature a tag team main event between TNA World champ A.J. Styles and his mentor Ric Flair taking on one-trick-pony Abyss and bossman Hulk Hogan. Do us a favor: think back to the first moments where you wanted to see TNA go live and face WWE on Monday nights. Now, imagine the main event you thought you’d see. Not quite the same, eh? There is really nothing good about this main event and we sincerely hope that the rest of the broadcast makes up for it.

And finally … Sad news to report as yesterday the patriarch of the Poffo family, Angelo, passed away in his sleep at the age of 84. Poffo enjoyed a professional career primarily as a tag competitor under the tutelage of Bobby Heenan. His last major televised appearance was during a brief stint as the manager for one of his two wrestling sons—Randy Savage (Lanny Poffo is the other)—in WCW in 1995.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of February 19-25, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

So, nothing says “you’re a respected icon and highly bankable employee” quite like nearly setting a brother on fire, no?

At this point of my life, I’m willing to accept the fact that indoor pyrotechnics are something that is believed by folks with marketing groups far superior to ours at PWI to be essential to a wrestling broadcast. I, on the other hand, find that solid entrance music and the such can be just as effective, but I’m paid to write, not blow up.

When The Undertaker was nearly set ablaze prior to the Smackdown “Elimination Chamber” match at the pay-per-view of the same name this past weekend, I can only imagine the reaction backstage. Shock, terror, and genuine concern were all, no doubt, on full display. Yet, did the incident give reason for WWE to, you know, rethink the whole flammable entry way issue? Doesn’t appear so.

In the end, we’re left with a rightfully peaved—and slightly toasty—’Taker and a pruduction team that refuses to acknowledge that something so silly as in-house pyrotechnics maybe aren’t as essential as they may have previously believed. Swell move, guys. In St. Louis, no less.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (2/19)
Now, we all knew going in to his welcome back match last Friday night on Smackdown that Edge likely would not go full bore just yet. The guy was coming off of yet another long-term injury and this was only his second match back, if you count his fortuitous late entry in the Royal Rumble last month. And, as we expected, last Friday’s showing was quite a few seconds shy of an Ironman match. Still, WWE’s brain trust—light on the brain, heavy on the trust—threw their franchise, go-to villain not named Helmsley or Orton into a bout with, perhaps, the most painfully sloppy main-eventer of the past 10 years, Batista. Seriously? We haven’t seen a more dangerous situation since Chunk tried to catch Mikey’s mom’s statue. Thank goodness Edge came out of that beatdown—mostly at the hands of an interfering Chris Jericho—in one piece.

Raw (2/22)
You know what … as badly as we wanted to just rip into Raw guest hosts Jewel and Ty Murray for their performances this past Monday night, we just can’t. Well, we could, but what’s the point? Overall, the duo wasn’t bad, given the fact that they appealed to the niche audience of twangy, folk-music-loving-bull-riding fans, of which, we believe, there are 600 left in human existence. Still, the tandem held their own in the segments in which they participated, and were never at loss for a quick retort or, God help us, a relatively clever come back. Now, sure, some of that was prepared for them, but there were times when their down-home attitude seemed organic. In a night marred by a Divas bullriding competition, yet barely salvaged by the announcement of an Undertaker-Shawn Michaels “Streak vs. Career” match at WrestleMania, Jewel and Murray were, well, okay.

NXT (2/23)
So this is what we lost our beloved ECW for? Wow … give me a Kevin Thorn-Mike Knox feud any day of the week over this crap. Of course, we’re kidding. Actually, we—much like many of our fellow fans—were pretty excited to see what was in store for us with the new NXT brand. Would it be a hokey, contrived series of mentor-mentee vignettes coupled with some random storylines? Well, sure. It’s sports entertainment, kids. But, overall, the night went relatively well, kind of like the pilot episode of any broadcast. We’re getting to know the competitors one-by-one and seeing, hopefully, the next generation of stars being given a chance to show what they have. While we’re still moderately to extraordinarily offended that Daniel Bryan is a “rookie” in any sense of the word, NXT feels like something we can get behind.

Impact (2/25)
Despite the fact that we’re on something of a “Jeff Jarrett isn’t the worst thing to happen to wrestling” kick of late (mostly because, by comparison to his “superiors,” he’s pretty solid), we’ve got to admit that we’re really not getting much into the angle of him working his way back up through the TNA ranks. Last night, he was further humiliated by Eric Bischoff by being forced to work for catering services as a veiled punishment for refusing Bichoff’s order to use the barbed-wire baseball bat against Abyss. In any other situation, we’d usually be faced with a guy that we feel genuine sympathy for—think, Hercules as Ted DiBiase’s slave, or Shawn Michaels as JBL’s slave, or that guy who had to become Jerry’s butler because he didn’t have car insurance. You get the idea. The point is, when the downtrodden protagonist is a sympathetic figure, you want to see him kick the ass of his oppressor. Yet, as much as we dislike Bischoff right now, we’re more intrigued to see the new and interesting ways he can make Jarrett miserable. Does that make us bad people?

And Finally … Bit of a shocker out of the professional wrestling-MMA world when Frank Mir went on a venomous tirade during a radio interview with WXDX-FM in Pittsburgh last week. Mir commented on how he would like to break Lesnar’s neck in the octagon and, further, how he’d be glad to see Lesnar—three-time former WWE champion—as the first “Octagon-related death.” Mir has since issued an apology for his comments, which were met with a mixed reaction throughout the MMA community.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of February 12-18, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Wow … I guess deep down, when I really think about it, I never realized the magnitude of the tremendous void that would be left in my life and the lives of my fellow fans everywhere when this day came. I mean, you never really know how much you’re going to miss something you love; something that’s become such a huge part of your life, until it’s really gone.

It’s a bit too early for me to truly appreciate how the landscape of the industry has changed given the events of this week. What will I do on Tuesday nights between 9-10 PM? Where will I get my weekly dose of non-extreme extreme? Who will tie up all the loose ends of such tightly wound storylines that in no way were sloppily thrown together and extraordinarily lazy? Who?

As one brought up in the more traditional and guilt-filled maxims of the Judeo Christian ethics, I try my best to not speak ill of the deceased. Not for any other reason than the departed—dearly or otherwise—cannot answer my criticisms or mount an attack of their own. Yet, despite such closely held beliefs, I find myself searching for, purchasing, and polishing the shoes I intend to wear whilst dancing on the grave of ECWWE (2006-2010).

My disdain for the bastardization of something that, by my own admission, was not top-level wrestling even during its pinnacle, is well documented. No, I’ve never masked the fact that ECW meant more to me primarily because it was a staple of my childhood in Philadelphia than because it was a bastion of technical wrestling excellence. It’s a bias that I carry to this day and, likely, always will.

Among the many things I generally tend to eschew with modern civilization, “re-imagining” of once-told stories are right up near the top. Tim Burton has revived his career by doing it in recent years, much to my pain, and ECWWE certainly felt like the wrestling equivalent. I’m not going to waste any more of my precious words rehashing the abomination that was the past three-and-a-half years of this incarnation of ECW, but I think we can all look back to at least one moment that made us wonder aloud, Huh?

With Tuesday night’s swan song, ECW has now been officially given the WCW treatment WWE wanted it to have all along. No longer did it die an obscure death shrouded by conflicting stories and shady characters, as would’ve been fitting for the Gordon-Heyman product. Today’s ECW was phased out into obscurity and turned into a punchline with little more staying power than the XFL.

Few could generally be more pleased than I am to see ECW go away, God willing, for good and, quite frankly, I don’t care whether my blatant negativity plays with the masses. WWE took something gritty and messy and tried to dumb it up for those masses in order to sell T-shirts and grab ratings. I have no clue how the WWE NXT experiment will play out, but I’m certainly glad that I will finally be able to view something objectively on Tuesday nights. I have no vested interest in whether NXT fails or succeeds and that makes me feel just fine.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (2/12)
The suddenly beatable Undertaker fell to the suddenly unstoppable Chris Jericho last Friday night on Smackdown, which is starting to lend credibility to a theory we at “Turn” headquarters have bounced around internally. With Shawn Michaels apparently headed for greener pastures and, now, ’Taker looking like he could drop the gold at any moment, a match at WrestleMania 26 seems more likely than ever. Heading into their previous WM match-up, both were scorching hot and at the top of their games. Yet for some perverse reason, we like the idea of beaten, insecure legends going at it this time around.

Raw (2/15)
Every so often, WWE will throw a segment at you that is so cringe-inducing that even if you’re alone in your living room watching it you will switch the channel out of embarrassment. Case in point: Monday night’s faux Jerry Springer broadcast involving a litany of characters who may, or may not, have impregnated Kelly Kelly. The gag was that everyone was in on it and they were simply playing a prank on guest host Springer who was then revealed to have a relationship with the ageless Mae “Yes, I’m Still Alive” Young. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t insightful. And I’m sure it was a hit “backstage.” Oh, and Bret Hart was hit by a car. Yep … somehow that was secondary to it all.

ECW (2/16)
Well, we were very, very off on this one, but the end result is the same: Ezekiel Jackson is ECW champion. Of course, right now, that title and $4.00 can get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks, but we’re sure Jackson is stoked, nevertheless. Actually, having Jackson enter the Smackdown roster with some momentum behind him is a smart idea. In a related story, WWE is apparently up in arms over old nude photos of now-former ECW general manager popping up in Playboy magazine since, you know, WWE has re-committed itself to chastity.

Impact (2/18)
Remember when Abyss was menacing and downright sadistic? Yeah, we long for the days of yesteryear as well, but what can you do? We genuinely don’t know what to make of Abyss at this point. He’s essentially the apple of Hulk Hogan’s gratuitously tanned eye and has the type of size that Vince McMahon would drool over, yet he seems insistent on developing some sort of character depth to what should just be a monster. We all know what it was like when we saw something of a human side to a guy like Kane. That was truly scary. Just be nasty and creepy and hurt everything that moves. It’s what we want. Oh, and Mr. Styles: It’s as uncomfortable for us to watch as it is for you to do.

And Finally … With his loss to A.J. Styles at Against All Odds last Sunday, Samoa Joe has not won a singles match at a TNA pay-per-view since his X division title victory over Daniels at No Surrender in September 2009.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of February 5-11, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

Hearing the always cutting edge (recall ZZ Top hosting Raw … in 2009) Vince McMahon refer to something as “obsolete” actually insulted me as both a human being and writer. Okay, that’s probably overstating it by an awful lot and, to be honest, I don’t necessarily disagree with the chairman’s statements referring to the annual Survivor Series pay-per-view. Here, I suppose it’s more the messenger than the message that bothers me.

For anyone who missed the news yesterday, McMahon quipped during a corporate conference call that the current Survivor Series pay-per-view had likely seen its last day as it presently is constituted. Stating that the event has “outlasted its usage,” McMahon all but officially announced his second re-branding of a WWE product in the past three weeks. With ECW going the way of the dodo in a few weeks, dismissing a long-surviving yet intrigue-empty pay-per-view seems like a logical progression.

As I said, it’s absolutely not the message that I have a problem with in this case. Hell, I think McMahon—or at least those who ran focus groups and marketing analyses—are right; the Survivor Series is easily the most expendable of the original WWE pay-per-views. The show really doesn’t feature the original team-of-goodies-vs.-team-of-baddies concept it was built upon and without that it really doesn’t differentiate from any pay-per-view card. I’m willing to accept the fact that the November offering would be better suited by a different show.

But, back to my original point: McMahon is really not the best harbinger of such a message. Time and again, I’ve lambasted him and his company in this column about pounding their collective chests when it comes to talk of innovation yet never truly being innovative. Actually, that’s being gentle; to say WWE is about 20 minutes behind the pop culture curve would be an understatement.

Case in point: Next week’s guest host of Raw is Jerry Springer. Now, while I enjoy two potentially related lovers beating the stuffing out of each over which got the other one pregnant as much as the next guy, what is the relevance of a Jerry Springer in 2010 TV-PG WWE? Further, take this into consideration: Jerry Springer rose to his highest levels of notoriety when I was barely out of high school which, sad to say, was quite some time ago. So, we’re now being treated to a guy who was controversial and a draw many years ago and who must curtail his muckraking on the current version of Raw.

Perhaps in two weeks WWE could have a 1970s porn star host Raw and only appear on camera from the neck up. Actually, that’s probably the only way that would work, but I digress. So, please join me in wishing a very unceremonious farewell to the Survivor Series. Teams of four will no more settle the score. Teams of five will ne’er again fight to survive.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (2/5)
Smackdown’s five challengers for the “Elimination Chamber” match at the aptly titled, Elimination Chamber pay-per-view later this month were determined last Friday night in largely uneventful matches. However, with that being the case, we now feel comfy enough to give our official “Turn” odds on who will leave the Scottrade Center with the World title in two weeks and, we think you’re going to dig this one. The Undertaker will walk in with the title and, every kid’s favorite masked daredevil Rey Mysterio Jr. will leave as champion. Sure, we’re wrong at least 80% of the time, but we feel good about this one.

Raw (2/8)
Did anyone ever think we’d be watching an episode of Raw where Bret Hart seems headed for participation in WrestleMania and Shawn Michaels was walking away from the company forever? Stranger things have happened … probably. Yet, this past Monday night’s offering of Raw gave us both events in roughly a half-hour span with the visibly frustrated Michaels apparently leaving the industry in a huff after costing D-X the Unified tag team title and Hart cutting through the crowd to attack Mr. McMahon as the show came to a close. Hopefully WWE can keep up this momentum over the long haul, however March 28 is a long ways away.

ECW (2/9)
The Irish wake for the ECW brand began in earnest on Tuesday night when soon-to-be outgoing general manager Tiffany officially kicked off the festivities by boozing it up at the start of the broadcast in the hopes of enjoying one final run. In reality, Tiffany will find a gig somewhere in WWE given her phenomenally valuable … qualities. Honestly, it’s the rest of the roster that should genuinely be concerned. If it appeared that they were coming off as nervous on the broadcast it was probably because, you know, they should be.

Impact (2/11)
Ahh, beautiful, beautiful confusion to leave your evening with that oh-so-strange taste in your mouth that only TNA can provide. So, Kurt Angle hates Hulk Hogan for his part in the painfully cheesy “screwjob” pulled on Angle a few weeks back. In order to further this feud, Angle is assaulted by Hogan’s lackeys, Hall and Waltman who, for their troubles, are then beaten down by Hogan himself. What the who? So, is Hogan a goodie all the sudden? Is Angle in cahoots with his boss? Is Hall stealing office supplies from the Impact Zone to support his cheeseburger habit? All very valid questions that will no doubt go unfulfilled over the next few weeks and months. Perhaps that’s what we’ll now look forward to with Impact. The sweet, sweet sense of incompletion and inconsistency.

And Finally … Our sincerest condolences to the family and fiends of the great Jack Brisco who passed away on February 1, following complications from heart surgery. The circuit-era legend was 68.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of January 29-February 4, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

I generally find myself rooting for the underdog. I’m sure in the four-plus years of this column’s meager existence I’ve admitted that at some point, however, I feel it’s worth repeating given that we’re heading into the weekend of the biggest sporting event in the U.S.: “Supergiantfootballgamethatyoucan’tputinwritingwithoutbeingsued Bowl.”

This weekend, the trendy pick is going to be the scrappy, ultra-talented team from the “Crescent City” while the safe money (not that I condone gambling) will be on the steady-as-hell, so-good-it’s-scary baby horses. Me, I’m just hoping it’s a game worth watching and that the chicken wings and Parker’s Golden Anniversary whiskey don’t have me headed to a bowl of my own the next morning.

I bring up the significance of this weekend’s events because, naturally, my keen sense of analysis and overall brilliance drew a parallel between the big game and the wrestling industry as a whole. No, I’m not talking about WWE vs. TNA or anything along those lines. Frankly, that feels like two mediocre teams going head to head in a race to see who won’t lose. Sure, everyone wants to win, but not if it means, you know, trying and stuff.

Actually, the battle I’m referring to is the ongoing and perpetually one-sided competition between the bigger two and the rest of the industry. My apologies in advance, but once a year I like to personally push your local indy promotion as a very valid alternative to what you’re being spoon-fed on a weekly basis; this is that week.

Listen, I’m well aware of the fact that if it’s production value, gimmicks, and souvenirs you’re looking for, WWE is absolutely your first choice. Along the same line, if you’re looking to relive the glory days of your youth by basically watching those same wrestlers still compete while trying to appeal to the iPod generation (I can say iPod without being sued, right?), then look no further than TNA. However, if you’re looking to see someone compete solely for the love of competing, perhaps it’s time you head to the community center, plunk down $10 and catch an indy show.

The wrestling will not be what you’re used to, both good and bad. By and large, you’re looking at a group of competitors whose only chance at ever making into a WWE or TNA event is by purchasing a ticket. Most are weekend warriors with little to lose and a genuine love of the competition. Every so often you’ll come across a wrestler who dazzles you and makes you wonder why they haven’t gotten a shot; the rest of the time, you’ll see the volunteer fireman beating up on the guy that works at Best Buy. And, in a sick twist, you’ll sometimes come across guys who, at best, could be compared to an uncomfortable bowel disorder.

Regardless of your motivation, I urge everyone to get out to an indy event this month and really take the chance to enjoy the experience. You will likely have a level of access to the competitors you could never get anywhere else and that’s part of the fun. You will meet folks who genuinely appreciate the opportunity to entertain you and are willing to contort themselves in ways no human should to do so. Go out and support your local underdog this month. WWE and TNA will be waiting for your return.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (1/29)
Very nice offering by Smackdown heading into the Royal Rumble. Hell, any event that is headlined by a Rey Mysterio Jr.-Shawn Michaels match is absolutely worth watching. Actually, from top-to-bottom it was quite an effective program. Perhaps we’re starting to change our position on loading up other WWE brands with Raw talent prior to a pay show. Sure, it steals time away from some brand-loyal Smackdown competitors, but who really needs to see another Slam Master J match? Smackdown easily was WWE’s best broadcast last week and seems to be the brand that would benefit most from talent sharing.

Raw (2/1)
Did anyone ever think that Bret Hart’s triumphant return to WWE would be as part of an angle between two wrestling masters like Batista and John Cena? We’re talking about a man who trained in The Dungeon and rightfully earned the moniker “The Excellence Of Execution.” And, as it stands, he’s the centerpiece of what’s shaping up to be a feud between a paint-less Ultimate Warrior and the guy who gave us the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Wowee!

ECW On Syfy (2/2)
So, we wish we could say that Vince McMahon’s formal announcement of the end of the ECW brand in three weeks was bittersweet, however it feels more like it’s just freakin’ sweet. Like a ghost wandering the land looking for peace before it can finally rest for all of eternity, we at “The Turn” are glad to see the brand finally laid to rest. The only fitting tribute to the bastardized version of something we held so near and dear in Philadelphia would be to have the final segment of the final broadcast somehow involve The Zombie. Rest in peace, real ECW, wherever you are.

Impact (2/4)
It’s a random Thursday in February. There is no pay-per-view this weekend; there is no title on the line. Yet, to watch Kurt Angle’s match against Tomko last night, you would think the guy was an up-and-coming talent making the most of his opportunity to fight on television. While it’s well established that we at “The Turn” have always been big fans of Angle’s, it’s times like this that we’re even more impressed with the 41-year-old. Last night’s win over Tomko wasn’t particularly distinguishable nor was it memorable. But, to watch it was to see arguably the most fundamentally sound guy in the business ply his craft in a way that should make veterans take notice and rookies take notes.

And Finally … With his surprise victory at the Royal Rumble this past weekend, Edge actually joins some elite company. In the 23-year history of the event, only two entrants have gone on to win the Royal Rumble match after entering in the 29-slot. Edge becomes the second man to do so following Brock Lesnar in 2003. Edge also becomes the third Canadian-born wrestler to win the event, joining Bret Hart (tied with Lex Luger in 1994) and Chris Benoit (2004).

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of January 22-28, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

The Royal Rumble was always one of my favorite pay-per-views when I was a kid. As an adult who, you know, still watches the same stuff he did 20 years ago, I’ve found that my excitement for the event has cooled a bit in recent times. I still dig the premise, but the event doesn’t really hold the intrigue or excitement it once did.

Still, I have to admit that this year’s installment has piqued my interest once again if only because I can’t get a solid read on who is going to walk away with a guaranteed title shot at ’Mania. Hell, it’s even possible that the men who will be walking into the arena with the top two titles on Sunday night may both be leaving 10 pounds lighter. That’s right … even The Undertaker.

My best prediction—albeit a safe one—is that somehow Triple-H wins the Rumble match and guarantees himself a title shot at ’Mania. My hope is that this comes at the expense of Shawn Michaels if only because it would finally … finally … end this version of D-X and make Michaels more desperate in his chase of a rematch with The Undertaker. That, my friends, is what you call a win-win scenario.

Regardless of how it plays out, The Royal Rumble is usually a good time and a fine pay-per-view buy if you’re only looking to get a few this year. There’s always a surprise or two and, with no football on this weekend (don’t even mention the Pro Bowl), you’d likely get stuck spending three hours listening to your Aunt Maria talk about her plantar wart surgery.

Hey, maybe WWE could use that as its next catchy slogan. “WWE Universe: Better Than Wart Surgery.”

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (1/22)
Can we show blood? No. What about imply the always-trusty lewd and lascivious conduct? Not a chance. How about insulting a woman for her body type going so far as to refer to her as “piggy”? Absolutely! See, that’s what we don’t get about WWE; either they’re so out of touch with the fact that they have a great deal of young, female viewers or, perhaps, they just don’t care. As fans of the industry, the Mickie James-Michelle McCool angle is painful to watch. It’s trite, sub-sophomoric, and not at all entertaining. As observers of WWE’s weak attempt to push the TV-PG gimmick—and that’s all it is, guys—we’re baffled as to why this is acceptable.

Raw (1/25)
So, wait—John Cena comes out and hammers Vince McMahon and is “punished” by getting a shot at the man who took the WWE championship from him? How does this work, again? Historically, those who have gotten on the wrong side of The Chairman are usually rewarded by getting the holy hell kicked out of them by whichever gigantic flavor of the month was deemed to be a contender. Yet, Cena runs down McMahon—going so far as to question his very manhood—and gets a main event match with Sheamus. That’s the way to win fans over to team Cena, WWE. Remember when Steve Austin or pre-Stephanie Triple-H would crap on McMahon only to be rewarded? Didn’t think so.

ECW On Syfy (1/26)
We’ve been saying all along that we do not believe Christian has a shot in this or any other world at defending the ECW title at The Royal Rumble this Sunday, but after watching Tuesday night’s episode of ECW, our opinion has changed. Now we’re of the belief that somehow before Sunday night Christian will lose the title because he is that big of an underdog. We’re not sure whether Ezekiel Jackson will sneak into Christian’s house and pin him there or if he’ll make him submit while he’s having his oil changed, but somehow Christian will not be the champion going into the match on Sunday night. Of course, we’re kidding, but that doesn’t change our belief that Jackson will finally capture the ECW title and free Christian from the WWE basement.

Impact (1/28)
Sometimes we at “The Turn” actually try to take the high road when it comes to wrestlers who we, to put it lightly, don’t much care for at this point in their careers. It doesn’t happen often, but behind the scenes we’ll wait and see if, by chance, wrestlers we would usually write off without a moment’s notice actually bring something different to their chosen employer. For three weeks now, we’ve kept our thoughts silent on the one-time dominant yet current-day punchline re-emergence of The Nasty Boys in TNA. Clearly, this is the most egregious of all of Hulk Hogan’s wrestling nepotism and could easily go down as the epitome of what went wrong—assuming this doesn’t pan out—during his takeover of TNA. Neither Nasty Boy belongs in the ring at this point in his career, much less given a sniff of the TNA World tag title. Here’s to hoping that the Nasties enjoy their time with TNA, don’t hang around long, don’t injure anyone or themselves, and take Bubba the Love Sponge with them on their eventual way out.

And Finally … This year’s Royal Rumble will be the first time in the 23-year history of the event that it is held on the last day of January. It’s also the second time that the event will be held in Atlanta, Georgia, the first being eight years ago. The king of that night’s main event was Triple-H, who then parlayed his victory into a main event win over Chris Jericho for the Undisputed championship at WrestleMania 18 in Toronto.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of January 15-21, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

By all the accounts I’ve read and based on conversations I’ve had with my peers much closer to the industry than I am, the incident—hell, let’s just call it a fight—between Awesome Kong and Bubba The Love Sponge at the Impact tapings earlier this week was both vicious and legit.

That’s right, not a month into the Hogan-Bischoff era we apparently have intergender violence backstage that magically becomes the topic du jour when it comes to TNA.

At a time where we should have all been focused on the results of the first Hogan-Bischoff pay-per-view, Genesis, which overall wasn’t terrible, we’re instead discussing something that may—or may not—be “real” (which is such a relative term in this business I almost hesitate to use it).

To recap the meaty wrestling stuff: A.J. Styles is now a Flair-protégé rulebreaker, Brian Kendrick and Ken Anderson are now with TNA, Tara is the Knockouts champion again, and Morgan and Hernandez are the TNA World tag champs. With that out of the way, let’s focus on the distraction.

The basis for this apparent feud is one based in the world outside of the Impact Zone, which tends to give it credibility. However, the fact that it involves a company run by Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, and ostensibly Vince Russo diminishes that credibility severely.

It was widely reported in the days following the horrific earthquake in Haiti that Bubba had tweeted his none-too-sympathetic feelings toward those affected by the disaster. Allegedly Kong—who was heading a wrestlers’ relief effort to the Haitian people—took issue with Bubba’s statement and attacked him at the Impact tapings this Monday night. Naturally, this became fodder for Bubba’s satellite radio program the following morning and, before long, guys like me were spreading their thoughts across the Internet.

There are few things about this whole scenario that genuinely bug me, but let me narrow it down to two. First, if this is, in fact, true, why in God’s name would TNA tolerate any part of it? Granted, Kong’s an athlete that can hold her own, but any sort of fighting between a man and woman backstage should probably be grounds for some sort of reprimand or dismissal. Plus, Bubs, now that you’re part of the TNA family, it’s probably better to keep the garbage you spew to your radio show.

My second issue is that if this is a work—which I’m inclined to believe it is once it becomes part of an angle—where does this fall on the poor taste meter of all-time bad angles? To be fair, it’s not as if they’re referring to anything specific about the earthquake or its victims, but with each day seemingly bringing another aftershock, it just seems too fresh to be an avenue for a wrestling angle.

Neither situation is ideal and, frankly, I’m disappointed in TNA either way at this point.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (1/15)
Alright, despite our well documented disdain for the Rey Mysterio Jr.-Batista, “David vs. Goliath, Part 12,201” angle, we have to admit that after much scouring we have found a very distinct and comforting silver lining to it all. If we have to suffer through this angle, which may come to an end at the Royal Rumble, at least Batista is on the losing end of it. There’s a delightfully satisfying feeling that comes from watching Batista fall further down the contender’s sheet on Smackdown. Last Friday night, Mysterio Jr. guaranteed himself a shot at The Undertaker—an admittedly bigger Goliath—at the Royal Rumble by defeating Batista in a steel cage match. While we have little doubt “The “Animal” will somehow interfere at the Rumble, our hope is that somehow Mysterio walks away the better for it—perhaps not with the gold, but just rid of Batista.

Raw (1/18)
As fans of both Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker, we’re genuinely excited to see a potential WrestleMania rematch between the two this spring in Phoenix. Their half-hour epic match on last year’s card was easily the high point of the evening and, arguably, one of the greatest bouts in the history of WrestleMania. That being stipulated … doesn’t the bar seem a bit too high? It’s not that both guys aren’t capable of stepping up their games to put on a solid match, because they are. But, when you’ve already done something as noteworthy as ’Mania 25 isn’t it reasonable to think that it’s going to be extraordinarily difficult to match it this time around? Of course, there’s a lot that still needs to occur for this rematch to happen, most notably Michaels must win the Royal Rumble which, sorry fans, we don’t think is going to happen. Still, their nose-to-nose confrontation this past Monday was the most compelling portion of Raw.

ECW on Syfy (1/19)
If somehow you caught only the first and last segments of ECW on Tuesday night, you probably would’ve been just as confused as the rest of us who tuned in for the entire hour. The night opened with Santino Marella, Tony Atlas, and Vladimir Kozlov murdering the English language while all part of the “Abraham Washington Show.” Honestly, aside from the comedy aspect—which was conspicuously absent—the segment added very little to professional wrestling, much less the world at large. Fast forward 50 minutes, and we’re treated to William Regal and number-one contender Ezekiel Jackson laying one of the most vicious beatdowns on ECW champion Christian we’ve seen in quite some time. It was a fine way to end what was an otherwise odd night of wrestling, and it actually got us intrigued in the eventual title match between Christian and Jackson at the Royal Rumble.

Impact (1/21)
Sooo … let us get this straight because it’s early in the morning and we may have imbibed a bit too much Nyquil last night to accurately recall what the hell just happened. Did TNA—17 days after Bret Hart’s appearance on Raw—just do a re-enactment of the “Montreal Screwjob” cast entirely of cartoon characters? Wait … not cartoons … those were wrestlers? Crap … that was a title match … on a Thursday? Wow. So, was the idea that … you know what, we can’t even fake it? We don’t have the slightest clue as to what TNA was thinking here. It in no way diminishes Hart’s appearance two-and-a-half weeks ago because it’s late; it has no relevance because the only player to even be remotely associated with it was Hebner; it wasn’t similar because Angle wasn’t on his way out of the company … or is he? Seriously, we’re just as lost as you.

And Finally … On this date 15 years ago, Shawn Michaels won the Royal Rumble held in Tampa, Florida, after being the unfortunate owner of the number-one slot. He becomes the first man in the then eight-year history of the event to go the distance in the Rumble match.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of January 8-14, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

What happened to my main man Samoa Joe? I actually sit there and watch Impact every week and I can’t make any sense of the dramatic fall from grace the man has gone through in what seems like less than a year.

Perhaps we all wanted to see something in Joe that, for better or worse, was not there. We at PWI certainly placed a large amount of our chips on the fact that Joe was going to be the legit, “Next Big Thing” in wrestling. He seemed to have the perfect blend of size, speed, and talent that it seemed inevitable he would rise through the ranks—probably flirt with WWE—but always end up a cornerstone for TNA.

Fast forward to last night and I’m finding myself geared-up for what would have been an indy fan’s dream match: Samoa Joe squaring off with Desmond Wolfe. Expecting something along the lines of a solid match filled with classic holds and near falls, I actually looked down at the clock on the cable box and lamented that the broadcast only had 33 minutes left. That’s right: I believed that Impact was going to devote some time to allowing this match to develop with both men showing us all just what we saw in them for all those years in the circuits.

One hundred eighty seconds later, the match was over, Wolfe was jawing with D’Angelo Dinero and Joe looked as mortal as I’ve ever seen him. To say I was disappointed would have been an understatement. I actually started to wonder if I’d seen the last remnants of Samoa Joe.

It’s not impossible that we—PWI as well as anyone else that thought Joe was the end-all be-all—got it wrong. Hell, we gave ink to Three Count back in the ’90s, so there is basis for comparison. Think I’m wrong? Feel like defending Joe or, even more tempting, agreeing that the Joe experiment failed? Head over to the official PWI blog and have at it. Keep it clean and your voice will be heard and likely responded to by a real, live PWI writer or editor.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (1/8)
Wow, remember how relevant both Kane and Dolph Ziggler briefly were in the past few months? Neither do we. Being buried deep in the Smackdown depth chart as evidenced by their latest broadcast match doesn’t give us much hope for a return to prominence anytime soon. Still, our sources indicate that there was a point within the past year that both guys were not only part of the WWE picture but seemingly on the cusp of legitimate championship chases. As it stands, they’ve been relegated to “fill-out-the-roster” status, which we kind of expected from Ziggler all along. But it pains us to see Kane used as such.

Raw (1/11)
It makes us sad to see a guy wrestle in a shirt. Is that weird? It’s like when you hit the pool in the summer and there’s the one guy who clearly has a big, full set of man boobs hidden underneath either a wrestling or Metallica T-shirt. We all get that Mike Tyson of today is clearly not the tank of a man he once was, so maybe that should be indication enough that getting in the ring is a bad idea. As underwhelming as the episode with Bret Hart was the prior week, Monday’s offering of Raw—helmed by Tyson—further indicates how weakly the storylines have progressed. We never thought we’d say this, but thank god for The Miz and MVP. It’s rare that a promo grabs our attention but, to be fair, the bar was pretty low.

ECW On Syfy (1/12)
The ECW championship match that will be taking place at the Royal Rumble later this month is finally set and now Christian can rest easier knowing that it will be Ezekiel Jackson who will set him free and defeat him for the title. Oh, yeah, that’s right, we’re projecting right here that Christian’s somewhat impressive run as ECW champion will come to an end at the Royal Rumble. Is it that we feel Jackson is that much better a wrestler than Christian? Well, no. Not at all, in fact. Actually, our hypothesis is based primarily on the fact that the only way for Christian to move up is to move down; the only way he’ll be free of ECW is to no longer be the face of it. We have no doubt that Christian will deliver a Herculean effort at the Rumble. Yet, we’re going to bet the farm on the idea that something deep in his soul maybe doesn’t force the kick-out. Call it a hunch.

Impact (1/14)
You know that group of uncles that your folks won’t allow you to associate with because, well, they’re really, really creepy? If not, consider yourself lucky; you’ve probably avoided years of therapy and one helluva repressed memory.

Still, if you’d like to live the nightmare, tune into Impact and check out “The Band” consisting of guys that resemble Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and Sean Waltman.

Seriously though, is anyone else as disturbed as we are by the faux NWO reunion? Hall is clearly still a mess, Nash is likely going to turn at any point, and Chyna’s diminutive love doll is just thrilled he can make rent. This angle must have some sort of intriguing ending or all it will do is confirm everyone’s fears about backstage connections to WCW’s “Hog-schoff” era.

And finally … Former WWE employee and current unemployed bum Shane McMahon will spend his 40th birthday today looking for a job and struggling to make ends meet, no doubt. Here’s to hoping the kid lands on his feet.

THE TURN: Skewering the Week Of January 1-7, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

By Tuesday morning, I honestly was exhausted. Not since the late-1990s had I experienced an evening where flipping between two live wrestling programs was mandatory. First, and foremost, I want to thank the legendary Stu Saks for allowing me to put together a small tome of the evening’s events.

In every sense of the word, the events of this week were historic. TNA finally—finally—pushed all of its chips into the middle of the table and attempt to make its case as a player in the industry. WWE countered with, easily, the biggest return in the company’s history by having Bret Hart serve as guest host. Sure, the rest of the show was painful to watch but, hey, who expects the writers to focus on the other 80 minutes of broadcasting, right?

I love weeks like the one we just experienced because, aside from the nostalgia, the industry suddenly creeps back into discussions across the nation. Fans come out of the woodwork to see what all the chatter is about. Some will stick around, some won’t, but who cares? For at least one week, wrestling is relevant again among folks who are not inclined to drop a C-note on an “authentic” Rey Mysterio Jr. mask.

Sadly, as it is with every peak, there will eventually be a valley. Realistically, for WWE, that will come very soon, depending on whether Bret Hart does become a fairly regular figure through the WrestleMania run. TNA, on the other hand, is going to run into something it has yet to experience during its existence: too damn many egos. Sure, you can make the argument that having guys like Kevin Nash, Jeff Jarrett, Kurt Angle and, at one time, Booker T was ego enough, but now they’re dealing with the big guns. There’s not a doorframe big enough in the Impact Zone to accommodate Hogan’s head, but TNA’s going to try.

The next few months should be pretty interesting times to be a fan. Enjoy it, because it’s been slim pickin’s for quite some time.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (1/1)
Remember when Smackdown started to suck a while back? Vickie Guerrero had way too much of a role in every aspect of the show and the biggest fan favorite on the brand was being screwed over on a weekly basis? Yeah, well, we’re back to that and this time around not only is it not working, it’s actually stripping away most of the credibility Smackdown had built up. Somehow, Rey Mysterio Jr. remains a part of the chase of The Undertaker and the World title. Unfortunately, the pesky Batista—you may remember him once as Edge—is catching all the breaks and enjoying the Guerrero bias. So, the angle that never really died with much satisfaction is back.

Raw (1/4)
With all the focus appropriately being on the return of Bret Hart to WWE television, many in the industry failed to recognize what seemed to be the most glaring issue of the entire evening: Raw was pretty much garbage otherwise. Seriously, we all can agree that more often than not Raw seems content with “mailing it in,” but Monday night’s episode felt extraordinarily weak. Perhaps, by comparison to the magnitude of Hart’s return, there really wasn’t much of anything that could’ve been done that would be worthy of a compliment. But, when Hornswoggle is featured as much as he was, the one-time future of Raw, Evan Bourne, is whooped soundly by Sheamus, and Vince McMahon gets the last laugh, you know the episode was not exactly a classic. Seeing Hart was pretty damn cool; seeing a typical Raw that might as well have been hosted by Abe Vagoda was pretty damn typical.

Impact (1/4)
Okay, stop us if you’ve heard this one: Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, Jeff Jarrett, Orlando Jordan, Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, Shannon Moore, Val Venis, Bubba The Love Sponge, and The Nasty Boys walk into a bar which proceeds to collapse upon itself because you’ve actually entered the fourth level of hell. The beer is cheap, the women are cheaper, and it’s a dry heat, but we digress. Listen, we admire the hell of out TNA for doing it, but the cast of characters mentioned above are so scatter-shot and risky that it’s hard to tell how this is all going to work out. At the very least—and we mean very least—we will all get to watch a monumental collapse that will make WCW’s gradual suicide seem like a distant memory. At best, TNA uses this sudden burst of interest to encourage new, and entertaining storylines filled with match-ups we never thought we’d see. Pardon us for not imagining that will be the case. It’s tough to take the group seriously when every guy who stood up and spoke about giving the young guys a shot and being all for the future are precisely the folks who made push-killing an art form.

ECW On Syfy (1/5)
As much of a red-headed stepchild as ECW is on any given week, the fourth brand of WWE (we think, technically, Superstars has more cred) had absolutely no chance at garnering any of the spotlight at this point in the month. To recap for the literally hundreds of thousands of you who did not tune in to Syfy this week, C.M. Punk and Shelton Benjamin moved on in the ECW Homecoming tournament, Ezekiel Jackson whooped-up on Vladimir Kozlov, and Christian still holds the title. Oh … how could we forget … Tommy Dreamer left the company thus, you know, ending all ties to what was once known as ECW. Kinda went under the radar, didn’t it?

And Finally … To correct a statement made earlier this week in the special Raw vs. Impact episode of The Turn: Little Allan L. of Trumbull, Connecticut, pointed out that TNA actually did make a couple of veiled references to WWE despite our assertion to the contrary. References to the guys “up North” and how one will never “win with all hearts” (or, Harts) made us out to be damn liars. So, well done Allan! Thank you for paying attention.

THE TURN’S MONDAY NIGHT SKIRMISH: From The Night Of January 4, 2010

By Frank Ingiosi

The following took place between 7:50 p.m, and 11:20 p.m. Eastern Standard Time:

7:50 p.m.: My ass hits the ugliest couch in Philadelphia with 10 minutes to spare. I am equipped with my iPhone for the inevitable text messages and have just enough Irish whiskey to get me through the first hour of Impact. By that point, my wife should be home from the gym (irony, no?) and serve as a very capable bar mistress. The plan is to keep her at bay with the occasional, “Hey, check this out, you remember __________,” or, “Oh, wow, look how old ____________ got!”, and my personal favorite, “Good God, check out the man boobs on _________.”

8:01 p.m.: Nice, albeit self-serving, intro to the Hulk Hogan era. Already better production values than we’ve seen in the past from TNA, which is a nice change of pace. Could do without the Nitro-esque fireworks display. To be honest, though, everything TNA does from this point on will be viewed through TBS-colored glasses.

8:04 p.m.: First appearance of new back-stage presence Bubba the Love Sponge … and the Hulk Hogan funk is all over this sucker. Objectivity forces me to say, “Let’s wait and see how Bubba does,” but my hopes aren’t very high.

8:13 p.m.: Have to agree with the live crowd’s assessment that the result of the first match resembled something not unlike bull excrement. A great X division Steel Asylum match that ends with a no-contest is really not the way I envisioned the night starting. Then again, I didn’t expect former WWE World champion Jeff Hardy making his … let’s call it “return” … to TNA following the match, either. A freshly shorn Hardy leveled Homicide—whose antics ended the match—with a serious chair shot before climbing and sitting atop the cage. Hardy meets up with Shannon Moore backstage following the segment. Good save, TNA.

Score: TNA-1; WWE-0

Is it fair to start the scoring prior to Raw even starting? Yes. I make the rules, so eat it.

8:23 p.m.: Impressive, off-the-cuff promo by Kevin Nash regarding Hogan’s arrival later in the evening. The man always seems at his best when he’s just talking to the camera. Still, my guess is he probably injured himself somehow while delivering the promo.

8:28 p.m.: Match number two ends after three minutes and sees ODB take the Knockouts title from Tara, who gives her the business following the loss. Quite the shame in that I’ve always had a bias toward Tara and felt she was undervalued as a wrestler. Ooh, was that Tara’s butt? Ah, they cut away … Grrrr.

8:29 p.m.: White limo pulls up backstage. Ric Flair walks out. Legends=double points. Ric Flairs=triple points. WHOOO!

Score: TNA-4; WWE-0

If Dean Malenko walks out next, I may shriek like a John Cena fan.

8:35 p.m.: Footage is shown of Mick Foley being barred from the Impact Zone earlier in the day. Color me intrigued to see how a man with half an ear sneaks his way into the arena.

8:38 p.m.: Krystal Lashley demands her husband’s release from TNA so that he can focus on mixed martial arts. Smart move by TNA, taking the mike out of Bobby’s hands. He doesn’t know how to use it anyway.

8:39 p.m.: Knockouts poker show/nudity tease was a weak pseudo-commercial for 5-Hour Energy (all over the table) and breast implants. That’ll never work … although I do have a desire to stay up until 4 a.m. and skim Cinemax, so go figure.

Score: TNA-3; WWE-0

Pandering to the lowest common denominator—me—never works.

8:45 p.m.: A man who resembles Scott Hall and the guy who voluntarily had sex with Chyna attempted to gain entrance to the Impact Zone but were thwarted by security as Hogan’s presidential motorcade is shown a few blocks away from the arena. Something tells me the ETA is, oh, let’s say 9ish.

8:50 p.m.: Hogan’s limo stops and picks up another surprise guest from another car. Meanwhile, Hall and Sean Waltman are in the Impact Zone looking … doughy.

8:52 p.m.: USA Network takes us to a live look-in at the Raw arena. This is kinda big.

8:55 p.m.: Hulk Hogan officially debuts on TNA wrestling to a modified version of his NWO theme music. The man looks to be in better shape than he’s been in quite some time. WWE counters with an old episode of NCIS.

Score: TNA-5 WWE-0

Tenay and Taz play it up as expected, yet I find myself pining for the cringe-inducing slobbering of Don West. Hogan reiterates TNA’s line regarding history being made, which leads me to … a flip.

9:00 p.m.: Goosebump-inducing intro to the return of Bret Hart. Back to Hogan.

9:01 p.m.: Hall and Waltman enter the ring to rekindle the NWO memories.

9:02 p.m.: Justin Roberts gets the honor of bringing out the “Excellence Of Execution,” who, believe it or not, actually shows up. The crowd is far more subdued than expected, but it may be out of a hushed awe … or the fact they were in Dayton, Ohio.

Score: TNA-5; WWE-2

9:03 p.m.: Waltman uses the word, “Par-tay.” Oof. Hogan warns them that it’s not the old days and that the image they have of the new TNA is all wrong.

9:04 p.m.: Bret Hart acknowledges what we’re all thinking, Hell must’ve frozen over.

9:06 p.m.: Hart is gracious to the fans and finally appears to get some sort of closure to a career that ended without him ever really having had that opportunity.

9:07 p.m.: Eric Bischoff arrives on Impact to break up an impending NWO fight, which now includes Kevin Nash … oh, crap … Bret Hart just called out Shawn Michaels, who obliges. Wow. That’s pretty cool.

9:09 p.m.: Hart calls for a truce between the two, while down in Orlando tensions subside, although it doesn’t feel like everything is resolved, despite Bischoff’s negotiating skills.

9:10 p.m.: Michaels admits his part in the “Montreal Screwjob” and tells Hart he deserved what happened.

My remote control thumb hurts like it’s 1998.

Dixie Carter is shown approving of the Hogan-Bischoff pronouncement of a new day in TNA. Bischoff changes the plans for the evening on the fly and symbolically tears up the itinerary for the night.
Back on Raw, Michaels is attempting to make amends in a somewhat passive-aggressive way by calling to light Hart’s great career while still crapping on his intentions. It’s an intense situation that’s being played masterfully by both men.

9:14 p.m.: Michaels and Hart hug and shake hands and, apparently, their 12-year-old feud is over.

9:15 p.m.: Now, it’s Vince’s turn. Hart calls out the man he once spat upon and punched in the eye.
Vince is a no-show.

Score: TNA-5;WWE-3

I like that we didn’t clear everything up just yet.

9:17 p.m.: Sting, who apparently saw the same barber as Jeff Hardy, is back in the rafters. Bischoff will do that to a man. Been done before; no points awarded.

9:21 p.m.: McMahon acts as if he had no clue Hart called him out during a backstage segment and intends to, instead, call Hart out later in the evening, so, you know, keep watching.

9:22 p.m.: Both TNA and WWE go with dueling ladies’ matches. WWE starts round one of the Divas championship tournament to find a replacement to the recently injured Melina. Match number one is a clunker between Maryse (the eventual winner) and Brie Bella, while TNA counters with a solid Knockouts tag title match pitting champion Sarita and Taylor Wilde against Awesome Kong and Hamada. My wife says, “That was 15 minutes of my life I’ll never get back,” plus, “That blonde is a crappy actress.” I don’t know whether she’s referring to Maryse, Taylor Wilde, or The Miz, who showed up after the match. I don’t care enough to ask.

9:29 p.m.: Hamada and Kong capture the gold after a very well-fought match, as a fatal four-way for the number-one contendership to the U.S. title begins on Raw. Loving Kong and Hamada as champs. Very deserving and entertaining duo.

9:30 p.m.: Dear God … we’re back to the faux strip poker game on Impact and, where there’s innuendo, there’s a guy who used to be known as Val Venis, but can’t say Val Venis because he was smart enough to not fight WWE for the name Val Venis. I’m saddened by all of this.

TNA-4; WWE-3

He seems like a good guy, he really does, but anywhere Val Venis goes points soon diminish. No one’s tuning in for Val Venis, including Val Venis. Word is he’s DVRing Raw, too. U.S. champion The Miz stays by ringside to add to the commentary on Raw. Love that he’s embracing his douchery and associating himself with the likes of Spencer Pratt. Perhaps the only way to find staying power for The Miz is to finally become the jackass that Matt Striker could’ve been.

9:36 p.m.: MVP wins a quickly paced match to become number-one contender to the U.S. title on Raw, while Mick Foley is once again denied access to the Impact Zone on Impact. Following shortly thereafter in his footsteps is former World tag team champs and current Hogan-ites The Nasty Boys, who are also shut out. Strike two, TNA.

Oh, and to clear things up, it’s not that WWE is doing much better than TNA because, frankly, it’s not. It’s just that it’s not doing much of anything, so, in that respect, it’s catching up by default.

9:40 p.m.: Matt Morgan and Hernandez quickly defeat Dr. Stevie and Raven in a largely forgettable match. Didn’t really do much of anything for anyone aside from lead into a promo by D’Angelo Dinero and Orlando Jordan backstage. No real heat behind Jordan’s debut, but Dinero’s self-reference as being a “chocolate cup of saving grace” earns TNA a half-point for awesomeness. TNA must take advantage of “The Pope’s” verbal skills going forward.

TNA-4.5; WWE-3

9:43 p.m.: Chris Jericho is unsuccessful in goading Hart back to the dark side while the night’s host takes the time to remind Jericho that he has a match later in the night and that he “screamed louder than anyone in The Dungeon.”

9:47 p.m.: Dinero takes an impressive victory over Desmond Wolfe on Impact, while D-X shills merch and goofs around with Hornswoggle and Santino on Raw. Funny how Triple-H has yet to be in the same frame as Bret Hart. I’m not saying anything, but I’m just saying …

9:49 p.m.: For the first time all night, we have commercial breaks at the same time. Quick run to the commode, refill on the drink, and back to the mental and physical atrophy in no time.

9:50 p.m.: Stu Saks texts me about the commercial on USA urging people to switch over to Spike to see Hulk Hogan and TNA. I missed it. A commissioned ad salesperson at USA will be fired within 12 hours.

9:52 p.m.: Raw returns with a Unified tag title match between D-X and Jerishow, whereas Impact returns by teasing strange happenings in the backstage area and a recap of the night’s events.

Turns out that the hub-bubbery backstage was none other than Jeff Jarrett, who was “making his way to the Impact Zone,” which I found funny. Is the Impact Zone only the actual ring area, or does it encompass the entire arena? If it’s not the arena, what do we then call the backstage area? Further, what product does Jeff Jarrett use to keep his hair so feathery soft?

9:56 p.m.: Another dueling commercial break. We’ve reached what I like to call the “indifference zone” of the night. Good time to check the PWI blog and feed the cats.

9:59 p.m.: Eric Bischoff puts the kibosh on an A.J. Styles-Kurt Angle match at Genesis and reschedules it for … tonight. Not a bad main event and definitely worth the other half point.

Score: TNA-5;WWE-3

10:00 p.m.: The Unified tag title match on Raw is in full swing with The Big Show in complete control of Triple-H. Over on Impact, Jeff Jarrett is warmly welcomed back to the ring by the TNA faithful. He responds by sleeping with their wives. All of ’em.

Aw, c’mon … there’s probably no basis to it, but sometimes the low hanging fruit is the tastiest.
The fans are really hot for Jarrett and Dixie Carter looks visibly perturbed at ringside. I’m having one of those moments where I don’t mind Jarrett. I measure this feeling in “moments,” because as quickly as it comes, it passes.

10:05 p.m.: Hogan pops up on the screen and tinkles all over Jarrett’s soliloquy, announcing that he’s Dixie Carter’s partner. Jarrett is now, suddenly, just another guy on the roster who needs to “prove” himself.

10:07 p.m.: Back on Raw, D-X retains the Unified title through some nifty double-team work on Chris Jericho—and I mean that in the most wrestling showy way possible. Michaels hits the Sweet Chin Music on Jericho, who’s tied up with Triple-H, to grab the victory. Jericho is now exiled to Smackdown. For those still following, Mick Foley finally … finally … makes his way into the backstage area on Impact.

10:13 p.m.: Randy Orton promises Vince McMahon that he will kick Bret Hart in the skull with the boss’ blessings, which are not given. To make matters worse for “The Legend Killer,” Ted DiBiase Jr. and Cody Rhodes threaten to boot him from Legacy if he doesn’t defeat Kofi Kingston later in the evening, playing off of last week’s stipulation.

Hey, anyone who picks up one of those Hulk Hogan trading card sets that were advertised on Impact, I wanted to let you know it comes with a special gift. PWI Editor-in-Chief and all-around badass Frank Krewda and I will come to your house and taunt you for being a dope. Then, Managing Editor Jeff Ruoss will hit on your mom for good measure.

10:19 p.m.: A guy who looks a lot like Samoa Joe defeats a guy who looks a lot like Abyss in a grudge match on Impact with what used to be the Kokina Clutch. Wow, what happened to those guys? Once pillars of the organization, they’re now used as lead-in for a Bischoff-Krystal Lashley segment.

10:22 p.m.: Roving cub reporter Bubba the Love Sponge comes across a bruised and battered Beer Money Inc. and assures us that he knows who is responsible. Meanwhile, WWE champion Sheamus is on Raw destroying the resolution to my television with his skin tone. Hell, I’ve been to Ireland, in the fall, and folks had more color. Love the guy and all but wow … we’re talking Soda Popinsky pale. Look it up, kids.

10:26 p.m.: While Evan Bourne falls to Sheamus in a non-title match on Raw, Bubba the Love Sponge sneaks The Nasty Boys into the arena on Impact. While I’m no astronomer, I find myself praying for a meteor of some sort to land squarely on that section of the building. Oh, no fatalities or anything morbid, just a big hole where the big holes are.

10:28 p.m.: Jeff Hardy and Shannon Moore walk away from the arena with what appear to be TNA contracts in hand and, God willing, phone numbers to real estate agents in the greater Stamford area in the other. Who would have ever thought that Hardy would one day possess the type of sway that allows him to get Moore work?

10:33 p.m.: Raw recaps 1997 … again. Apparently, something happened in Canada with Bret Hart.
Impact returns with The Nasty Boys destroying Team 3-D’s locker room. Can’t wait to, you know, see that angle play out. My money is on the guys who aren’t The Nasty Boys. And, on Impact, it’s time for our main event: Angle vs. Styles for the World title.

I’m liking that TNA has not resorted to the WCW tactic—yet—of mentioning Raw. The show is really trying to stand alone as its own product, for the first time in its existence, and that is refreshing.

10:40 p.m.: Randy Orton’s Legacy audition begins as he tries to defeat Kofi Kingston and keep his spot in the faction. TNA counters with yet another video game commercial. Okay, fine, I get it … we’re all video game playing nerds.

10:48 p.m.: Matches are both in full swing with Styles and Angle flirting with Match of the Year status and Orton and Kingston lulling me into a liquor-induced stupor.

Taz rhetorically ponders to Mike Tenay about how difficult it must be to be so close to retaining your title only to see your opponent come back. Wasn’t Taz ECW champion? What title has Tenay ever defended? Was he a Mathlete? I could see that. Very tough to win and even tougher to hold on to.

10:52 p.m.: Orton defeats Kingston and keeps his spot in Legacy to the apparent disappointment of Rhodes and DiBiase. Thirty-one channels away, Styles misses on a chance to nail the Styles Clash and Angle slaps on his anklelock, as Ric Flair makes his way to the top of the ramp.

10:57 p.m.: We finally reach the Bret Hart-Vince McMahon confrontation on Raw. Twelve years and 117 minutes later. Honestly, I was dozing during the commercial break. This better go long, and this better be good. Ironically, that was also the theme of my prom night. While McMahon buys time with his usual shtick, Hart makes his way to the ring to confront the chairman. This should be good and uncomfy.

10:59 p.m.: A.J. Styles retains the TNA World title in an early Match of the Year contender. Naturally, Hogan comes out to grab a bit of the attention. On Raw, McMahon and Hart take the same airtime to hash out what happened over the past 12 years between them. McMahon mentions that Hart slandered him in every “publication,” which I can only assume means PWI, which, again, I can only assume means me. Ipso facto: Vince McMahon mentioned me during his segment with Bret Hart.

11:03 p.m.: Mick Foley stumbles on something uncomfortable and, no doubt, bumbling going on with Val Venis and the ladies on his way to finding Eric Bischoff and a beating at the hands of the bloated NWO, who now is side-by-side with Hogan. Impact fades to black on that note.

11:04 p.m.: Hart and McMahon continue their in-ring therapy session. McMahon refers to himself as a “father figure,” while Bret’s eyes appear to roll into the back of his head with suppressed rage. Vince makes amends by nominating Stu Hart for the WWE Hall of Fame.

11:07 p.m.: McMahon thanks Hart for coming out and for what he brought to the company, which apparently ties everything up in a nice tidy … oh, wait, he kicked Hart in the ’nads. Raw fades to black and WWE gets a half-point per Mahoney.

Final Score: TNA-5;WWE-4

I have to say that while I’m not sold on the new direction TNA is taking, the group put on a better wrestling show last night. They put forth effort where they needed to, provided us with superior wrestling throughout, and broke up the Hogan segments as much as possible. In the long run, I still stand by my initial assessment that the new regime will do more harm to TNA than it will good, but I thought TNA was clearly the winner tonight.

Aside from the few times Bret Hart was on camera—admittedly the biggest wrestling moment since Hogan’s WCW debut—it was just another night of mediocre Raw. Overall, it felt like WWE rested on the fact that the mere presence of Hart would be enough to get past lazy writing throughout.

Round one goes to WWE-lite down south.