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THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of April 18-24, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

Monday night, I looked over at my wife staring at the flat screen with a look that could only be described as dumbfounded and I smiled. Not a wrestling fan in any way, shape, or form, her reaction to what we were watching (fine, what I was watching and what she was subjected to) made me itch to sit down and write the intro to this week’s “Turn.”

See, every once in a while, wrestling makes my life easy and, trust me, there’s nothing I like better on a warm, sunny Friday morning than knowing my column can essentially write itself thanks in part to something either WWE, TNA, or any other promotion did during the prior week. This week’s recipient of a genuine “Turn”-sponsored basket of mini-muffins is WWE’s go-to program Raw for its triumphant foray into the American political landscape.

For anyone who has been out of the country or in some sort of catatonic state this past week, let me bring you up to speed: Monday night’s Raw featured not only taped messages from all three viable presidential candidates—rife with five-year-old wrestling colloquialisms—but also the mandatory battle of impersonators that always goes over oh, so very, very poorly.

It was cringe-TV at it’s finest and, while my wife saw it as a further sign of the downfall of American civilization, I relished every skin crawling, cold-sweat-inducing, grotesquely out-of-touch second of it. The only thing that could have made Senator Obama’s “Do you smell what Barak is cooking?” and Senator Clinton’s “people’s elbow” references seem more ridiculous would have been if Senator McCain—who quoted Ric Flair’s “To beat the man” warning in a more grammatically correct manner—showed his age by rockin’ a Toots Mondt reference.

I really wish everyone had seen this but, looking at the early numbers for Raw this past Monday (reportedly only a 3.0) not many of you did. Let me implore you to find the segments somewhere on the Web and, if possible, watch them with a non-wrestling fan. That should really give you a feel for just how ridiculous it was. Still, I’m left with wondering whether Monday night’s ploy was more of a move up for the sport or a move down for politics.

Politicians pander to virtually everyone in this country. If you head up a group of pro-left handed midgets with red hair, they’ll hold a summit for you to make you realize that your vote counts and, naturally, they’ll fight for your cause once they unpack their bags at the White House. Maybe we, as wrestling fans, should take some satisfaction in the fact that for the first time in my memory they cared so much about soliciting our votes that they even chose to attach their names to the sport, let alone tape messages for it. Have we become a block of voters—the ’tweeners of the NASCAR and university crowd—that are now worthy of political suck-up-itude?

If so, let me be the first to welcome the black hole that, as my wife rightly guessed, will be sucking up the world any moment now.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (4/18)
Matt Striker may prefer to be in the ring chasing championship gold and showing off the talent that has brought him to the place he currently holds in WWE. And, from time to time, he’ll treat us to a very nice match—although last Friday night’s loss to Hornswoggle wasn’t one of them. Still, as we’ve said in the past, Striker’s best chance at a long and lasting future with the company may be as a manager/commentator. The guy has Bobby Heenan-like skills. Yeah, he’s that good when he wants to be.

Raw (4/21)
It’s somewhat ironic that on the night Raw featured the three final candidates for the U.S. presidency, the theme of the evening was a return to monarchy. WWE crowned its latest King Of The Ring on Monday night when William Regal—carnival barker for the former King Booker—ascended to his rightful place atop the company’s ceremonial throne. It just seems fitting, doesn’t it? Finally, that accent and smugness will go to some good use. All is right with Raw … well, except for the angles, storylines, and repetitive feuds. Hell, they have a British king. There’s your silver lining.

ECW (4/22)
You know what’s most frustrating about ECW? No, it’s not Mike Adamle doing choppier work than your local butcher, but rather the fact that it’s nearly impossible to determine where guys stand. Last month, Shelton Benjamin was looking as if he’d regained the form that made him a hot prospect a few years ago. Tuesday, he lost to Kofi Kingston who, despite being very impressive, doesn’t seem to have gotten any mention as of yet as a title contender. Chavo Guerrero—the disgraced former champ—is competing on Smackdown, while Smackdown’s Edge is meddling with Kane on ECW. It’s funny, but if ECW actually had some semblance of structure it may be easier to accept. Whoa … we didn’t say “enjoy,” just “accept.”

Impact (4/24)
Thank you, TNA. Thank you so very, very much. Due to his interference in the TNA World title rematch last night between Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner will now be part of a three-way dance for the gold at Sacrifice. What does this mean to TNA loyalists and lovers of the awkward? At least three weeks of Steiner’s wonderful prose and wandering promos. Listening to “Big Poppa Pump” insult people on the mike is like watching the star football player from high school tackle an algebra problem. Sure, he may get there in the end, but initially it’s going to be a damn mess of rambling theorems and sweaty brows. Love it.

And Finally … Have insomnia? Just get in from the bar and your favorite cable channel—for some strange reason—isn’t showing dirty movies? Do yourself a favor and flip over to ESPN Classic around 1:00 AM EDT and catch awesome old episodes of AWA wrestling. Each night for the past few weeks the channel has been featuring episodes, in their original order, that are as cheesy and tremendously entertaining as you remember them to be.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of April 11-17, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

On May 1, 2006 Joey Styles went from being the great, constantly-amazed voice of the original—and only—ECW, to being the guy who lashed out at all things WWE on the company’s flagship program. Was it scripted? Very likely. But, as anyone who follows the industry can tell you, behind much of the stuff you hear on television—scripted or not—there’s always a nugget or two of truth. Styles’ vitriol that night may not have been entirely spontaneous but you can bet for damn sure there was a shred of honest sentiment in his rant.

Exiled to the new WWECW, Styles tried to infuse into the brand some of the spirit of the original promotion, but was seemingly met at every turn by resistance in varying forms. I don’t know, nor will I venture to guess, what life was like behind the scenes, but I can tell you that, from the start, the new WWECW just didn’t have “it.” As time progressed, the brand quickly turned into something that resembled the old product in name only. Today, Kane is the champion, and somehow “hardcore” is now a stipulation rather than a mandate.

On Tuesday night, Styles handed over the lead announce spot to Mike Adamle in order to move on to a different spot within the company. If Paul Heyman and the other ECW originals’ departures took away the heart of the first ECW, then the soul certainly departed on Tuesday night.

Styles tried to make the new brand seem like it once was, but to say he was fighting a losing battle would be a gross understatement. Victory never was part of the equation when ECW was resuscitated and brought back in its current, moribund form. It was a cash grab from the start, and will continue to be until WWE decides to pull the plug. Although Styles certainly wasn’t the reason the couple dozen loyal WWECW fans turned in each week, he certainly made the experience much more palatable.

Good luck to Styles, wherever he lands within the company (early word is with wwe.com), and best of luck to Mike Adamle, who takes over what is, perhaps, the least desirable spot in wrestling commentating. He’s going to need it.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (4/11)
Flair and Michaels it is not, but still the showdown between Batista and HBK at Backlash later this month could end up being a half-decent match. We like the angle of a scorned devotee avenging his idol’s demise against the heavy-hearted legend that took him out; plus, we’re thankful it wasn’t Triple-H in the spot where Batista currently resides in this mini-feud. Our concern is that half of the match at Backlash will be filled with Batista, whose in-ring style doesn’t exactly lend itself to entertaining matches and certainly doesn’t appear as if it will feed off of Michaels’ repertoire very well, either. It could go either way from a fan’s standpoint, although it’s more likely that we will get the vicious, street-fight bloodletting that would favor the massive “Animal,” as Michaels seems to be able to adapt better than Batista. Regardless of how it ends, we have to admit the buildup has been better than expected.

Raw (4/14)
If you thought the “Glamazon” Beth Phoenix seemed angry when she held the title, imagine what a bundle of crazy she’s going to be now that she’s missing her most expensive accessory. A very impressive six-month title reign came to an end on Monday night when Mickie James—no stranger to crazy—pulled off a shocking upset of Phoenix on Raw. The way we see it, one of two things will happen: 1. Phoenix will become vulnerable and fall back into line with the rest of the female wrestlers in WWE, or, 2. Phoenix will destroy everyone and everything in her path to regain the title. We’re going with the latter.

ECW (4/15)
While we at “The Turn” generally don’t condone—and from time to time, actually make fun of (crazy, I know)—segments such as the “Diva Dance Off” that was on ECW the other night, we’re going to give this installment a pass. With WWE making one of its infrequent visits across the pond, we’re okay with the company breaking out some silly and treating the intensely loyal fans overseas to that which we in the States take for granted. It’s like a clown going to visit sick kids, or a stripper for your grandfather. Sure, it may make you uncomfortable, but they seem to enjoy it. So go on, England. Enjoy our strippers.

Impact (4/17)
One of our all-time favorite X division wrestlers recaptured the gold on Impact last night, when Petey Williams cashed in his guaranteed title shot and defeated a battered Jay Lethal who had just finished a successful title defense. While everyone at “Turn” headquarters are thrilled for the “Maple Leaf Muscle,” we’re still a bit perplexed and, dare we say, bummed that there’s any cashing in of anything in TNA. Clearly—clearly—this is a WWE thing and one that the big company up north does very, very well. Hopefully this will extinguish the “cashing” in of guaranteed title shots in TNA for quite some time.

And Finally ... Samoa Joe’s impressive TNA World title win at Lockdown last Sunday night has already become one for the promotion’s record books. With today being the fifth day of his reign, Joe officially becomes the longest tenured TNA World champion (since TNA’s break from NWA) to not have worked as part of the WWE, besting the only other non-WWE wrestler, Sting, by two days. Armed with this knowledge, it’s somewhat fitting that it would be Scott Steiner staring down the “Samoan Submission Machine” and his much-coveted title at this point. Could Booker T and/or Matt Morgan be next?

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of April 4-10, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

From my perspective, the TNA weekly flirtation with the MMA universe isn’t a terrible thing and, in fact, could end up being one of the smarter moves the promotion makes in the coming months. And, quite honestly, it could be the first time TNA truly slips one past WWE, who would undoubtedly love to tap into the incredibly lucrative MMA market.

With rumors abounding that MMA icon Frank Trigg’s recent appearance as a guest commentator could lead to a more involved role with TNA, and the possibility for this Sunday’s World title match between Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle to spiral off into a shoot fight, it’s safe to say the promotion is cozying up to MMA in a way WWE has yet to truly achieve.

That’s not to say the big boys up north couldn’t snap their fingers, fill up giant, old-timey bags of money (you know, the comically large silent movie ones with the dollar sign on the outside) and grab the MMA spotlight away from TNA in a heartbeat … because, they could. But, given the oftentimes-frosty relationship between the industries, it’s somewhat intriguing that TNA has been able to pull off more of a MMA feel to their show more quickly than the competition.

Everything from Angle’s in-ring “warm-up” sessions against Tomko and A.J. Styles to the personalized faux-shoot interviews with B.G. and Kip James reflecting on their fractured partnership has the flavor of MMA. While the formula of shoot-style interviews and guys like Frank Trigg work well with MMA, the jury is still out when it comes to wrestling. In the end, TNA risks the possibility of simply making a better program for the fans it has while not really bringing in any outside fans, especially MMA supporters.

Very likely, the backlash from those MMA supporters who have sought for years to distance their sport from professional wrestling would increase drastically the more often TNA and MMA were mentioned in the same breath. Feeling the integrity of their sport is being linked to an industry that, quite frankly, hasn’t had the most stellar reputation recently, will undoubtedly drive many to rebel and disparage any future TNA-MMA relationship.

Regardless of how it plays out, TNA’s dance with MMA is making for better television and a more intriguing perspective on the state of the promotion.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (4/4)
Anyone recognize the gentleman getting his doors kicked in by Victor “Double Double E” Kozlov last Friday night? Boy, to think of the long, strange trip Matt Bentley’s gone through since his days of dipping Traci Brooks on the TNA ramp. It’s amazing the guy’s still out there putting his body on the line. Once a highly touted graduate of Shawn Michael’s wrestling academy with both ROH and ECW (the original one—you know, with the excitement and fun) experience on his resume, Bentley seemed a lock to catch on with either WWE or TNA and work his way to the top. Now, he’s getting slaughtered by a pseudo-Ruskie with questionable English. Here’s to hoping Matt can catch on and finally show the world what he’s capable of.

Raw (4/7)
What’s better than a Raw World title match between two of the brand’s top guys at Backlash? How about a mess of top guys all going for the gold in a “Fatal” four-way that you probably could have seen coming from a mile away with one eye closed and the other squinting. Champ Randy Orton—who continues to be under-appreciated despite shouldering the load while John Cena was on the shelf and Triple-H wasn’t ready to hold the strap again—will take on the aforementioned challengers as well as the eternally nasty and highly watchable JBL at Backlash. Our early pick here at “The Turn” is, once again, for Triple-H to walk away champion. Although, each time we pick Hunter to win, he doesn’t. Maybe we have a gift. A great, beautiful, wonderful gift.

ECW (4/8)
A quick mea culpa on our behalf as a few weeks back we failed to mention that Nunzio was part of the scant few ECW Originals still appearing on WWE television. To be entirely honest, we’re not even sure that Nunzio realized he was still part of the ECW roster, let alone the company. Wow, think of this—if the guy was getting direct deposit, it would’ve been as if he never had to have contact with the company except for the once or twice a month he was dusted off and allowed to wrestle. Regardless, we’re sorry for omitting one of the ECW Originals, although he probably didn’t mind the snub.

Impact (4/10)
There was a line in the Oscar-worthy 1994 cinema masterpiece Dumb & Dumber in which a seemingly angry Jeff Daniels calls out Jim Carrey by saying, “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber you do something like this … and totally redeem yourself!” Well, for those of you out there who hate TNA’s Lockdown for either its cheesy gimmick set-up or the obstructed view of watching a show through a cage all night, boy do we have something for you! How’s this? Every tag team on the roster that isn’t already part of the show will be chained together and thrown into the “Six Sides Of Steel” for a “Cuffed In The Cage” match. That way, you can have 12 men, with limited mobility, in a confined space, and the almost 100 percent guarantee of someone getting seriously injured, all in one match! You’re welcome, fans!

And Finally … For all the criticism of TNA’s Lockdown pay-per-view, the show consistently provides at least a few memorable moments, and this Sunday’s offering shouldn’t be any different. Our recommendation at “The Turn” would be to pay special attention to the TNA World title match (we’ve got Joe via submission) and the previously discussed train wreck in waiting, the “Cuffed In The Cage” match. While the latter will make wrestling purists cringe, it should satiate the spot monkey in all of us who’s just begging for something over-the-top to happen.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of March 28-April 3, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

When is a 3.92 considered an embarrassing Nielsen rating? How about when you’re coming off your biggest pay-per-view of the year and simultaneously saying goodbye to arguably the best wrestler of all time?

Raw pulled in a 3.92 rating on Monday night, and, by all accounts, this was not what WWE was hoping for the night following WrestleMania 24. Further, with the night obviously being a farewell broadcast for Ric Flair, numbers north of 4.0 seemed very attainable. But, alas, that did not come to fruition and the night ended up being well viewed, but not to the extent expected.

Interestingly enough, the next time someone from the industry bashes the fans for their opinions on the business, consider this: The overall rating for Raw was a 3.92; however, the final segment of the night—Flair’s farewell—drew a 3.99 and ended with a 4.7 during the overrun. Maybe it’s not that we fans don’t know what we’re talking about, but rather that we know what’s good and what’s simply regurgitated garbage.

Speaking of a tremendously well-informed and intelligent fan base, keep your nominees coming in for the “Turn” Hall of Fame. The response has been great thus far; however our crack team of geniuses and shut-ins are still considering the options and determining who will get the call to televised wrestling immortality. Send your e-mails to: pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com and feel free to suggest anyone who in your opinion has contributed to the betterment—or gradual decline—of televised wrestling. All submissions will be considered and the inductees will be revealed on Friday, May 2, 2008.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (3/28)
The final Smackdown prior to WrestleMania was filled with intrigue, excitement, and, naturally, some soft-core female “wrestling” disguised as a “Wet ’N’ Wild” water fight. That’s right fellas—we’re having a water fight between two women not involved in WrestleMania two nights before WrestleMania. Now, while we at “The Turn” would be the first to concede that both Michelle McCool and Cherry are incredibly attractive and, thus, entirely deserving of the latent ogling we call “fanhood,” their catfight felt just a bit disjointed, don’t you think? Not that there’s really a bad time for two scantily clad women to engage in a water battle, but having it two nights before ’Mania is kind of like ordering chicken wings at a five-star restaurant. It may be your favorite food, but why not give the place the chance wow you, eh?

Raw (3/31)
Remember that brief period of time we at “The Turn” affectionately named—and didn’t trademark, thank god—the “Golden Era” of Intercontinental championship competition? Well, it happened, we assure you. The problem now, as we see it, is that not only has that time passed, but the well is so dry that the man who was advertised as our World championship savior is now holding the gold and the best challenger they can find for him is the “Money In The Bank” winner. Now, don’t get us wrong—the match between Y2J and C.M. Punk on Monday night was quite enjoyable. The issue is that Jericho—god love him—is actually above the I-C title at this point in his career. You don’t see former World champs having I-C runs afterwards (with apologies to Ric Flair). And, having the guy with the guaranteed World title shot in a match that he could, and did, lose cleanly, is definitely not good. Should we really be sold that Punk is a legit title contender, now? The match itself was good, but the damage it may have caused very likely outweighs the upside of it.

ECW (4/1)
The only thing more boring than watching paint dry would have to be watching grass grow. Now, assume you were watching grass … that you just painted, dry, and then grow. Voila—you now have a Mike Knox-Stevie Richards feud! To be fair, we at “The Turn” love Stevie Richards. We were stoked when he was on a roll at the end of last year, and felt encouraged when it seemed like ECW was rewarding him with increased face time on television each week. Knox, again to be fair, never did anything for us. His greatest contribution to the company—thus far—was bringing the delightfully vapid Kelly Kelly to our attention. Aside from that, you could shave his head and beard and called him Snitsky and we couldn’t tell the difference with a damn DNA test. Point is: let Stevie be Stevie, and let Knox be Snitsky … but not against Stevie.

Impact (4/3)
Remember when the addition of competitors to a match was a big thing involving huge names like Hogan and/or Savage? Well, move over gents, we’ve got two new shockers worthy of enshrinement on the surprise member wall of fame. That’s right James Storm and Matt Morgan fan—your prayer has been answered! Last night, both men—that’s right, we said both—were added to the Team Tomko vs. Team Cage match at Lockdown later this month. So, to recap, in the past month we’ve seen: a “Fish Market” streetfight, Storm and Morgan as relevant, and Karen Angle leave her husband. While we’re at it: In prospective future news, Shawn Waltman returned to TNA last night with Johnny Fairplay and assisted Vince Russo, who triumphantly reformed S.E.X. (look it up) in capturing the TNA World title in a three way match with Jeff Jarrett and Sonny Siaki.

And Finally ... We're kind of torn over whether Dwayne “Don’t Call Me Rock” Johnson’s roast to begin the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony last weekend was a good thing or not. At times, Johnson came off as if he had never left the sport that made him famous; at other points, he seemed disingenuous and very, very Hollywood. Either way, his segment—which is rumored to have gone on for quite some time—came off well on television and, more importantly, is making people talk. We recommend you check it out and let send along your opinion—to pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of March 21-27, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

Finally … ’Mania weekend is once again upon us and I, for one, couldn’t be happier. However, due to a couple of rather noteworthy happenings this week, we’re going to have to alter the set-up of your trusted “Turn” this week to properly accommodate the magnitude of both events.

So, with apologies to the diehard Smackdown and ECW fans out there, enjoy the expanded “Turn.”

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (3/21)
While their match on Sunday likely won’t be the best of the night, Edge and The Undertaker’s contest certainly has plenty of drama and implications, especially after last Friday night’s Smackdown. Edge and his minions savagely attacked ’Taker before the show went off the air which, if history is any indicator, should do little more than anger the “Dead Man.” Attacking The Undertaker prior to WrestleMania is like poking a tiger with a really short stick. Our bet: ’Taker goes 16-0 and takes back the gold.

Raw (3/24)
Our intention was not to make the expanded Raw section read like a eulogy to Ric Flair’s career; however, it’s hard to go in any other direction. With possibly the final Raw under his belt as an active competitor, Flair heads into WrestleMania 24 with only one thing on his agenda: survive, and look good doing so.

We at “The Turn” have been—by our own admission—unabashed Flair slappys since as far back as we can remember. Is he now what he once was? Absolutely not. No one can make the argument that the man whose 30-plus year in-ring career could come to an end Sunday night is the same man that led the Four Horsemen in the ’80s or rarely went without championship gold throughout the ’90s. Time and the direction of the business have ensured that we’re getting a different version of Flair today then in years past.

Still, that doesn’t mean the man’s body of work shouldn’t be revered for what it is, nor should his place in the history of the sport be looked at any less fondly. For a vast many wrestling fan, Ric Flair was, is, and forever will be their vision of what professional wrestling is.

No, he’s not the best technical wrestler of all time, but few can refute that, throughout the span of his career, the man melded wrestling acumen with showmanship in ways few ever did. A byproduct of such success is not only resentment, but also a legend that he, himself, could never possibly live up to.

We encourage everyone—even the Flair haters—to realize how special the moment will be Sunday night if it is indeed the “Nature Boy’s” last match because it will truly be a piece of history.

Of course … if Flair somehow pulls off the victory, we’ll just rerun this when he does lose.

ECW (3/25)
Ever wonder what it would look like to have a 24-man tag team match? Neither did we. But, alas, ECW gave us just that very opportunity on Tuesday night as the participants of the battle royal at WrestleMania 24 competed with Snitsky getting the win for his squad of ruffians. While we’ve gone on record as saying that if ECW 2.0 had to be part of ’Mania, the battle royal/title match was the way to go, the buildup has been less than enthralling. Still, our bet: Big Daddy V will walk away from ’Mania as a champion. Seriously.

Impact (3/27)
Last night, TNA toyed with the fans’ collective emotions by going live for its broadcast of Impact and, by all accounts, the show came off much better than expected. Regardless of how sluggish your angles or whether or not the fans are truly into the product, there is something about a live broadcast that really makes people stand up and take notice.

Perhaps it’s the mystery of what could happen now that fans aren’t drawn into reading spoilers online for the prior two weeks; maybe it’s just the thrill of those in attendance being able to tell their friends and families that they’ll be on TV tonight and not some time in April. Whatever it is, last night’s Impact came off with a renewed energy and excitement that TNA has lacked for quite some time.

The capper of an evening of surprisingly well-paced matches was Sting’s long anticipated return to the ring and partnering with Christian Cage’s squad. But, in true TNA “what the hell?” fashion, Sting was attacked after the match by none other than longtime rival … James Storm. Wait … James Storm? Where did he come from, and why does he have anything to do with Sting?

Thanks, TNA. Just when we were feeling good about you and your MMA training segments with Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle, and the highly entertaining blood feud between Booker T and Robert Roode, you throw us the proverbial curve ball that is James Storm and his apparent disdain for Sting. Kudos.

And Finally … Bet you didn’t know this WrestleMania fact: Kurt Angle holds many WWE distinctions. Among them, he is the only wrestler to lose two titles at the same WrestleMania event. At 2000’s WM16 in Anaheim, Angle lost the Intercontinental title to Chris Benoit in the first fall of a three-way match with Chris Jericho. In the second fall, Angle dropped the European strap to Benoit. Jericho defeated Benoit to win both belts in the third fall.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of March 14-20, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

Ladies and gentlemen … fine, lady and gentlemen (let’s be honest, guys): Boy, do we have an announcement for you! In honor of “The Turn’s” 26-month anniversary, we at The Turn offer up the latest of literally dozens of shrines to the greatness that is professional sports.

We are opening the doors to a select few who have made televised wrestling what it is today—for better, or worse. That’s right, your absolute favorite Friday workplace time-killer is starting its very own, uber-exclusive Hall Of Fame. Yes, that’s a capital “O” in “Of.” We’re that damn important.

So, here’s the deal: You … yes, you … will help the brain trust here at “Turn” headquarters in sunny Center City Philadelphia come up with the best of the best in televised wrestling, and those few chosen souls will be inducted into, and forever enjoy, the notoriety of being a “Turn” Hall Of Famer.

Now some of you may be asking—perhaps aloud—“What the hell, dude?” and, well, let us tell you what the hell. There have been so many tremendously bad and surprisingly good performances on televised wrestling—we’re talking non-PPV here—over the past 20 years. It was high time such achievements were recognized.

Each week we devote 1,000 or so words to what was offered up to the fans on television the prior week. Hopefully, through the “Turn” Hall Of Fame—or THOF, for short—we can take back some of the responsibility that comes with being a fan and give credit, or criticism, where it’s deserved.

So, here are the criteria:

1. There are no specific categories. We’re not looking for the “best” or “worst” of all-time, but rather folks whose body of work on televised wrestling is worthy of inclusion in THOF. Look for overall contribution to either the betterment or detriment of televised wrestling.

2. Consider all televised wrestling over the past 20 or so years. Yep, that’s right—if there’s an indy promotion in your state that has been running a show with one wrestler who you feel deserves mention, nominate him (or her). Better yet, if you have a link to an online clip of to their greatness, forward that along as well. It could only help your nominee’s chances.

3. There are two possible ways to get into the THOF and that is either as a wrestler or as, what we’ll call, “builder.” Builders would be the folks that may have stepped into the ring on occasion, but are best known for the stuff within a show that helps make it more of a, well, television show.

There you have it. Nominees will be accepted up until April 25 with the first-ever class of THOF inductees being announced right here—in this very column—on May 2. The class can be as big as necessary depending on the feedback we receive. Shoot an e-mail to: pwi_ingiosi@yahoo.com, and let the nominations begin.

Remember, we’re not giving out lifetime achievement awards, here. Arguably, some of the greatest wrestlers of all-time did not contribute to televised wrestling anymore than some of the worst.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (3/14)
No matter how many times we see it happen, when The Undertaker appears in the ring in a cloak of darkness, it’s still awesome. Ending what was otherwise a public execution of a match, ’Taker came out late in the four-on-two drubbing of Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels by Edge, Chavo Guerrero, Curt Hawkins, and Zach Ryder and chased his ’Mania opponent off. We’re calling it now: While the ladder match is usually impressive anyway, the Edge-’Taker battle tops our list of all-time most intriguing bouts at the springtime classic.

Raw (3/17)
Another excellent outing from the top brand. Again, giving credit where it is due, Raw certainly gets fans excited for ’Mania this time of year, and Monday was no exception. Consider this: We were treated to a show that saw 350-year-old Ric Flair come off the top rope, Chris Jericho introduce the Intercontinental title belt as a guest on his talk show, a possible split of London and Kendrick, and a cameo by ECW’s Colin “Whipwreck” Delaney (as reader Andy Cain refers to him) all in one show. Top notch, yet again.

ECW (3/18)
How does one go from wrestling on Raw the night before to teaming with Jesse and Festus in a six-man contest the following evening? Somehow, C.M. Punk pulled off the feat, although the goofy duo had far more to gain from their decent showing. Still, what is most puzzling of this whole scenario is the way the enigmatic Punk is being used.

Impact (3/20)
Hello, this is Frank Ingiosi—the real, live human being who plays Frank Ingiosi in such magazines as Pro Wrestling Illustrated, The Wrestler/Inside Wrestling, and Cat Fancy—and I wanted to take a moment to break a cardinal rule imposed on everyone at “The Turn” staff. Generally, we try to not use insider wrestling terms seeing as how, well, we’re not insiders. But, last night’s “whipping” of Peyton Banks and her amazing no-sell (there’s your term) was embarrassing and indicative of why TNA’s women’s division should be about three deep. To say Banks “pretended” to feel pain would be an insult to mimes everywhere. Thanks for letting me get that out there.

And Finally … Happy Easter to those who celebrate it this weekend and, if you’re jonesing for some wrestling with your scripture, feel free to pickup a copy of WWE’s Vengeance 2003 for the APA Invitational barroom brawl in which the Easter Bunny is a participant. Nope … we’re not kidding.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of March 7-13, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

Grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfy. I’m looking to unburden for a moment or two here.

I sat down to write this week’s column about six times since Tuesday morning’s news broke that Jeff Hardy was being suspended by WWE for violating the company’s substance policy. While I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a fan of Jeff’s, I’m certainly not someone who dislikes the guy. He has a place in the company and fills a niche in the sport that most people seem to love.

Yet, while running through the gamut of feelings I had over the past four days regarding arguably the top WWE name to get pinched by the substance policy, I kept coming back to a particularly cheesy fable that was thrown around far too often in law school, but it bears repeating here.

In it, a scorpion asks a frog to allow him to ride on the frog’s back across a river. At first, the frog resists due to his suspicions that the scorpion will sting and, subsequently, kill him. The scorpion reassures the frog that it’s not in his interest to kill the frog because, were he to do so, they would both sink mid-ride and die. Apparently that’s good enough for the frog and he agrees, but he is stung halfway across the lake. As they’re about to sink to their ultimate demise, the frog admonishes the scorpion. But the gleeful scorpion responds, “I’m a scorpion. It’s my nature.”

When WWE welcomed back Jeff Hardy as if he were a conquering hero returning from war, the buzz phrase surrounding his resurrection was “he put his demons behind him.” Remember that? The demons—never confirmed, although speculated about wildly—apparently jumped ship somewhere between Jeff’s day-glow phase in TNA and his triumphant second stint with WWE. Immediately, Jeff was thrust back into wrestling relevance and, within two months of returning, he was a champion once again. It appeared that finally—finally—those demons were gone for good.

I’m not going to go into a long, drawn-out recap of everything Hardy’s achieved in the past year and a half. Anyone who’s watched WWE could attest to his meteoric rise to a legitimate top guy. In fact, I’m not even going to crucify the man for what seems to be another case of someone going all Rob Van Dam on us. Hardy’s apparently got enough issues that he doesn’t need one more schlub lambasting him for screwing up. If anything, I’m offering a sense of clemency for this recent misstep.

Now, let me explain: In no way am I justifying or overlooking anything Hardy might have done to earn his suspension. Actually, it’s quite the opposite, as I’m just as disappointed as anyone to see such a fall from grace. But here, much like the story of the scorpion and the frog, I think we’re seeing a situation in which the worst not only should’ve been expected, but—if not for desperation—it probably could have been prevented. However, and here’s were it’ll get dicey, I’m having trouble determining which party is the scorpion and which is the frog.

WWE, desperate for a new top guy they can mold into a cash cow, gives Hardy every opportunity to be showcased. Hardy, seizing this rare opportunity, goes all out by taking massive bumps and performing at his trademark daredevil style every night. Is it the nature of the business? Absolutely. Does Hardy have to torture his body each night to maintain his spot? Bet on it. Was WWE thrilled to see the fan reaction to Hardy and the inevitable windfall it brings? You’re nuts if you say otherwise. But, once again, I’m wondering who is the frog and who is the scorpion.

WWE knew what it was getting in Hardy—a death-defying high-flyer who has allegedly battled substance abuse issues in the past and who could fill that void between the edgy Triple-H and the wholesome John Cena. Conversely, Hardy knew what would be expected from him in WWE: flinging his body from the highest possible points for roughly 300 days a year, with ultimate redemption and exposure as his prize.

Maybe, in the end, some blame should be affixed to everyone involved. Similarly, maybe both deserve some semblance of sympathy. Hardy apparently still has much to deal with and, in some strange way, WWE may actually be the best possible place for him to do so. Still, it’s both tremendously disappointing to see this next chapter in the life of Jeff Hardy play out as such, and intriguing to see how WWE responds. Without humanizing or demonizing either party, I’m hoping that, for once, the well-being of the man takes precedence over the success of the business … as naïve as that may sound. It’s in everyone’s interest for Hardy to get through this.

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (3/7)
We try to avoid tearing down the same person twice in a row, but those out there who caught the Kane-Chuck Palumbo match last Friday night can now count themselves as one of the few fortunate folks who have seen a sloth wrestle a puddle of molasses. Slow … we’re saying they’re both lumbering and not particularly quick. Most men or Italian women could grow a full beard in the time it felt like it took to finish that match.

Raw (3/10)
Chris Jericho promised us that he’d be wearing championship gold, but we can’t imagine he expected that to be the Intercontinental strap. A very surprising—and record—eighth Intercontinental run for Jericho should start to put him into the place WWE needs him to be. Here’s to hoping a bit of success doesn’t quell his recent nasty streak.

ECW (3/11)
We kill ECW nearly every week, but when they get something right—hell, when they get something okay—we give credit. If ECW has to be included in WrestleMania 24, the 24-man battle royal and same-night title match works for us. If anyone needed a gimmick match for ’Mania, it’s ECW.

Impact (3/13)
The Rock ’n’ Rave Infection? One of the “Turn” staffers had a bout of that in college. Ironically, picked it up from a yippy, add-nothing-to-the-conversation redhead. Funny how art imitates life sometimes, eh?

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of February 29-March 6, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

For wrestling fans—especially WWE fans—this is honestly the best time of the entire year. In the two-plus year existence of “The Turn,” I can honestly say that this is the most fun time to cover wrestling. The worst time, you may ask: September. Not much buzz following the August pay-per-views and really no lead-up to next month’s pay-per-view. In fact, September could be considered a vast wasteland for televised wrestling. It's like turning 20 or going on your second date; just something you have to go through to get to the good stuff. Expect a “Best Of” this September, assuming I start generating some “best” material soon.

Thank god for the late-winter/early-spring chunk of the wrestling year. We’re knee-deep in WrestleMania buildup, TNA is actually starting to break up the barrage of pointless segments with wrestling again, and promotions such as Ring of Honor and CHIKARA are showcasing some of the best talent in town. This is certainly my favorite time of the wrestling year, hands down.

On top of the excitement that comes with being a writer this time of year, there’s also the undeniable fact that, across the board, televised wrestling is getting stronger. Take, for example, Raw this past Monday night. Generally, an opening segment as tragic as Big Show’s argument with either a pre-taped or poorly miked Floyd Mayweather would set the tone for the rest of the night. But, the wrestling gods of spring smiled down on us fans yet again and somehow—despite what must have been mass McMahon-induced hysteria behind the curtain—we were treated to a very good show.

The same can be said for Smackdown, ECW, and TNA. While none rose to the level of a “must see” this past week, all seemed to step their games up to the point of widespread entertainment. It’s the type of competition—mind you, to a much lesser degree—that we all fondly recall during the “Monday Night War” era. Sure, there were clunkers from time to time, but the solid programs far outnumbered the garbage, which is what made that time so intriguing.

Will we ever get back to the point where, week in and week out, all televised wrestling becomes so compelling that we once again wear out the buttons on our remote controls? In a word: no. In two words: hell no. Sad as that may be, it should prompt everyone to enjoy the times like this even more. As I’ve said in the past and will very likely say again this time next year: It’s good to be a wrestling fan.

So, ignore your friend, call out from your job at Radio Shack, and plop yourself down in front of the tube once again. Only leave to replenish snacks or catch a local indy show. It’s safe to enjoy wrestling again.

Of course, the expiration date on this is generally the second week of April

Enjoy “The Turn”: Encouraging sloth since 2006.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (2/29)
They don’t get much virtual ink here, or anywhere else for that matter, but this week’s “Turn” Team to Watch is Smackdown’s Jesse and Festus. With a nice win over Smackdown World champs John Morrison and The Miz last Friday night, Jesse and Festus opened a few eyes and, although they couldn’t repeat the performance on ECW Tuesday night, the Deliverance duo is still worth a look.

Raw (3/3)
We thought there was potential when Chris Jericho and JBL squared off in both men’s return to active competition. At the very least—while the wrestling may have been choppy—we should’ve gotten a nice battle on the mike, right? Well, sadly, no. While that lasted all of a hot minute, we now finally appear on the cusp of what should’ve happened all along: “Y2J” going back to the dark side. And, what better way for WWE to do it than to have him directly opposed to their most fan-friendly Raw wrestler, Jeff Hardy? Still, how great would it have been with all of the “Save Us” buzz surrounding Jericho’s return if the person he was coming to rescue the fans from was, say, John Cena (who was on the shelf with an injury at the time). No one would’ve seen it coming and Jericho would have vaulted right to the top in both terms of watchability (yeah, I made that word up) and merchandise. He could’ve been a rulebreaker from the start and stolen the hearts of the angry fans longing for the anti-Cena. Swing and a miss on that one, eh?

ECW (3/4)
We assume that this is how ECW’s latest budding angle was presented at a WWE production meeting: “Okay, here’s the pitch: We take The Undertaker, revert him back to his old ‘American Badass’ gimmick and have him stalk and then possibly feud with Kane! It’s gold I tell you! Gol … oh, ’Taker’s not interested? But we have all that denim and the motorcycle. Hmm. What about Chuck Palumbo?” And, hence, we’ve got the start of a Palumbo-Kane battle that makes fans everywhere question just how much memorabilia did Kane steal off the set of See No Evil to be treated like this. Of course, the names and dates have been omitted because, well, it never actually happened. Wouldn’t want Stephanie firing us next.

Impact (3/6)
Aside from being from our beloved “Motor City” and actually possessing the body type of a Buick, we at “The Turn” didn’t think we could love Rhino any more than we did last week. Hell, we didn’t think we could love him any more than we did Wednesday night. But, after coming out last night and laying waste to the TNA drinking championship belt—which was, yes, a spinner—and cutting a brutally vicious promo on James Storm, Rhino has the undying gratitude of “The Turn” forever. We at “The Turn” love Rhino McRinoson (he needed a last name) and, tonight, we want you to love him, too. Nevermind that he got his giant ass kicked by Storm later in the night. Selective memory is best, we find.

And finally … One of “The Turn’s” all-time favorite managers is reportedly still recovering from a pretty substantive jaw surgery, so today’s final shot is a call back to the legendary Bobby Heenan. On his keen senses during a mid-match shouting session, “The Brain” let loose with this nugget: “You don’t have to yell at me! I’m not blind!” Always seeing with his ears Heenan was. Get well soon, sir.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of February 22-28, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

It was a sad moment this week when I finally came to the realization that a few minor past indiscretions (let’s call them “sophomore year of college”) will very likely prevent me from one day reaching my lofty dream of becoming President of the United States.

Aside from a lack of any discernable public service and a general disdain of the large groups in general, I figured I was just as qualified as anyone to be President. Hell, I was a political science major in college, and I believe myself to be a relatively well plugged-in aficionado of the world governmental environment. Sure, I didn’t go to Har-vard and, fine, my campaign funding skills involve asking my wife if it’s “cool” for me to use our savings on some yard signs, but, hey, I’m a man of the people—and it’s those common folk that I was hoping would carry me all the way to Washington.

So, now that I realize I must suspend my informal consideration of one day possibly running for the highest office in the land, I’ve set my sights on a new position that is practically begging for the strong leadership qualities and basic ingenuity that a chap like me can bring to the table.

That role: Jack Tunney.

That’s right—I want to be the next Jack Tunney of WWE. For those of you whose idea of the “golden age” of wrestling was during Evolution’s run a few years ago, here’s a refresher: Jack Tunney was the most powerful man in the WWF in the 1980s when he lorded over the company as its all-seeing president. Whenever a tough decision needed to be made, it was Tunney’s monotone, Canadian voice that handed down some of the most important edicts of the day.

Since the Tunney era ended—followed briefly by a President Gorilla Monsoon administration—there really hasn’t been that pseudo-figurehead to oversee the contract signings, make the tough calls on controversial matches, and basically take up space on the payroll. That is, until now.

I feel that there would be no better person to fill the role of new-Tunney than myself. Tired of a world run by general managers? What’s a general manager, anyway? I’ll tell you what it’s not—it’s not a president. General managers have been ruining the sport for far too long. It’s time someone reined in the Vickie Guerreros and William Regals of the world. Oh, and on that topic—it’s U-maga, Regal, not U-manga. Where did the ‘n’ come from … where?!

See—forcefulness like that is what the company needs, and I’m just the man to bring it on a night-to-night basis. So, when it comes time to vote for an unofficial position with no real power or prestige, I’m your man. Remember me come November—I’m not above write-in votes.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (2/22)
With WrestleMania 24 right around the corner, fans nowhere were clamoring for a rehash of arguably the worst match of the previous year’s event—Kane and The Great Khali. Yet, that’s exactly what we received last Friday night on Smackdown as Kane finally got retribution—some 300 days later—over Khali in a match dominated by sluggish movement, crippled English, and two behemoths with thyroids that must look like softballs. Although Kane pulled out the victory, one can only imagine that, with ’Mania coming up and nothing on the horizon for either man, this feud is far from over, and that’s a shame.

Raw (2/25)
If anyone can explain to us what in the blue hell the purpose of the “Brand Supremacy” match at WrestleMania 24 is, we will give you the greatest prize of all time—the undying respect of the staff at “The Turn.” Hey, that’s the best we can do with a budget of zero. Seriously, if there ever were a throw-in match simply to have another contest with a title affixed to it, this would be it. WWE has a lot of fleshing out to do over the next four weeks if they expect anyone to care about a brand supremacy match. If Smackdown wins, does it get to move to Monday nights with greater production value and the eternal blessing of Papa Vince? We don’t think so, either.

ECW (2/26)
We haven’t said much about Colin Delaney here in “The Turn” and for good reason. See, often times we’ll pick out an up-and-coming talent and praise his abilities and outlook for the future of their career and then—just like that—he’s gone. Remember Bobby Lashley? Yep, that was us. We’re feeling pretty good about our anointing of Kofi Kingston; however, we’ve even laid off of him for a while. So, for Colin’s sake, let’s just say “Good Luck” and leave it at that for now.

Impact (2/28)
Last night on Impact, controversy surrounded the finish to the most anticipated match in the history of the sport since Hulk Hogan took down Andre the Giant. The hotly contested ladder match—the greatest since Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels—saw the status of TNA’s drinking championship left in doubt as Rhino interfered in the finish, seemingly costing the apparently acrophobic James Storm the title he so covets. Wait … we were waiting on a ruling from the Russian judge, but … yes, it’s official! This is the worst angle in all of wrestling right now. Congratulations, TNA, you officially have the crappiest angle on television!

And finally … In honor of today being the extra day of leap year 2008, it only seems fair to recall a couple of little known facts in the career of an all-time great “leaper” in wrestling history—of course we’re talking about “Leaping” Lanny Poffo. As many fans know, Poffo—who was actually selected as number 426 of the top 500 wrestlers of the PWI years some time ago—is actually the younger brother of “Macho Man” Randy Savage. What’s more interesting, however, is that while Savage was born in Columbus, Ohio, the man who would become “The Genius” is a son of Calgary, Alberta. Yep … that’s about it. Thank God we only have to come up with something once every four years aboot this guy, eh?

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of February 8-14, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

How does someone become part of the WWE upper-echelon without winning one of the two top prizes in the whole company or even marrying into the boss’ family? He puts together a string of impressive wins and exciting near-misses and caps them all off with a bona fide Match of the Year-worthy victory over a surefire Hall of Famer on Raw.

Count me as one of the non-believers that when Jeff Hardy returned to WWE—supposedly a little older and much wiser—he was going to somehow be anything more than the high-flying mid-carder that teen girls, and spot-monkey fans, squealed for. I figured Hardy would simply return to fill a niche in the Intercontinental title picture—which he did nicely—before flaking out once again and going AWOL within the year.

Consider this my mea culpa.

Sure, Hardy has not ditched that which has made him popular among his hardcore fan base. He’s still eccentric, complete with torn panty-hose gloves, goofy hair, and piercings. But, there’s something different about Jeff Hardy 2008. He’s not a gimmick—at least not to the extent he once was. No, this Hardy is, dare I say it, mature.

Hardy’s matches are very well paced, and for the first time in his career it seems as if he is actively stringing together his move set in anticipation of what his opponents will do. He’s not simply eyeing the quickest route to the top of the turnbuckle, as in years past. Hardy seems intent on out-wrestling opponents and not just stubbornly sticking to what he thinks he should be doing. The guy has grown into a very watchable commodity and, even better, a legitimate world title contender.

While Hardy’s time to shine may not come right away, it seems imminent at this point. It’s as safe a bet as any to assume that, by WrestleMania 25 in 2009, Hardy will have held a world title. He’s not there just yet, but with a clean victory over Shawn Michaels on Monday night and no sign of ceding his position anytime soon, Hardy is for real.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (2/8)
They could easily be written off as just another talented tag team that is simply part of a temporary angle, but Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder are actually looking very good and may actually have some staying power post-Edgehead. The tandem was very highly touted since being brought up to the WWE main roster, and being thrust into the top angle on Smackdown certainly helped buy them some time to showcase their abilities. Working against them is the glaring fact that tag teams in today’s WWE generally don’t have much of a shelf-life, regardless of promise. Hawkins and Ryder could very well be the group to break that streak, although history shows that they’re probably just auditioning for singles spots with the company.

Raw (2/11)
Ever have a friend who was way too close with his siblings? There’s just something creepy about it, right? Everyone knows a guy that has a really attractive sister and, eerily enough, he acknowledges it like it’s nothing. For all those folks who have ever heard a guy say “Yeah, my sister’s hot, so what?” boy do we have a skin-crawling angle for you. Nothing overt has happened yet, but the strange and uncomfortable kinship between reformed buccaneer Paul Birchall and his sister Katie just doesn’t seem right for some reason. We can’t quite put our finger on it yet, but something just ain’t right.

ECW (2/12)
Fine, we at “The Turn” are willing to admit that this next part is tantamount to wrestling heresy, but The Miz and John Morrison—admittedly two of the most annoying competitors in all of wrestling—could really be a great rulebreaking team. We’re talking—and hold your hate mail—along the lines of pairing a Rick Martel and Rick Rude. Whoa—don’t freak out! We know, we know. That’s crazy talk. Martel and Rude were two of the greatest narcissists in WWE history, but that’s the angle that Miz and Morrison are taking. They both love and over-value themselves to levels unseen in years. Fans hate them to the point that if they could only develop that level of masked likeability then our analysis wouldn’t be too far off. It’ll take time and, in today’s sport, that’s not a luxury they’re afforded.

Impact (2/14)
In a move more befitting a network sitcom, A.J. Styles—who has become a favorite of “The Turn” despite his current position as TNA’s resident lacky—was accidentally married to Karen Angle last night on Impact when the minister presiding over the Angles’ wedding vow renewal lost his glasses during an in-ring fracas. Yep, hijinx ensued and Styles’ unrequited love for Karen was made known to the world. Whatever will happen now, you say? Well, obviously, they’re not married, although it pains us to actually have to explain that. The only direction in which this can now go that will keep even the most brain dead of fan interested is to now cause a rift between Angle and Styles, leading to a feud. Sadly, nothing TNA has done over the past few months leads us to believe we’ll be so lucky. Look for our man Styles to end up dressed up as something seasonal and this angle to go nowhere. Here’s to hoping we’re wrong.

And finally … It’s hard to believe that No Way Out has never hosted a Raw World championship match. The pay-per-view’s close proximity to WrestleMania is one reason (then-Raw champ John Cena was in a tag team main event in 2007), and another reason is that it was a Smackdown-only pay-per-view in the years prior to that. Usually, this close to WWE’s premier event, it is easy to figure out what the ’Mania main event will be. At No Way Out, we’re going to get the presumed WrestleMania main event—Raw World champion Randy Orton defending against John Cena—a month early. So what does that leave for WrestleMania? Who knows. That’s all the more reason to watch No Way Out on Sunday.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of February 1-7, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

Well, it was only a matter of time before Mr. McMahon found a reason to expose his curiously hairless lower extremities on national basic cable. Apparently, having one of his children join his notorious club was reason enough.

The most desirable aspect about clubs is their exclusivity. The thing about exclusivity, however, is that people have to actually want to be a part of it. McMahon’s “Kiss My Ass Club” is innovative in that it somehow finds a way to be exclusive while also being undesirable. Hornswoggle almost joined this club on Monday night, but, in one of the most self-serving, utterly pointless moments in recent Raw memory (well, at least since the last time the boss’ posterior was exposed), the lil’est McMahon chose to bite the ass that feeds him—quite literally—and hilarity ensued.

Okay, fine … hilarity may be overstating it a bit. Come to think of it, there’s really nothing about the KMA initiation ceremony that’s funny. In fact, there may be nothing more indicative of how out of touch with the viewing audience those who come up with ideas like that are.

Something tells me that we haven’t seen the end of the club, although topping a leprechaun biting a 62-year-old man’s rump is pretty hard to beat. Such comedic genius is usually reserved for all-time greats like Carrot Top. Yet, as long as the right people behind the curtain keep laughing at it, expect to see folks kissing Mr. McMahon’s ass for as long as he has an ass to kiss.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (2/1)
Do you think Finlay ever believed he would last in professional wrestling for over 30 years? In a sport as vicious and physically demanding as wrestling, guys who can stay healthy enough to both have a successful career and some sort of staying power are rare. Finlay, on multiple levels, has enjoyed both in-ring success and longevity. Although he wasn’t always in the spotlight and has yet to hold a major world championship in the U.S., Finlay has, by most accounts, enjoyed a great career. So, with that in mind, do you think Finlay ever believed that 30 years into his wrestling career, he’d be dancing a jig with a leprechaun alleged to be his boss’ illegitimate son? Maybe he deserves better than that, or maybe the fact that that he can do so just shows how he can take each day as its own thing. Either way, Finlay continues to impress even at this stage of his career. A world title reign is very likely not in the cards, but a harder worker you may not find in WWE.

Raw (2/4)
Raw hasn’t had a guy who’s been given more chances to succeed and, for one reason or another, wasn’t able to get over the hump this much since Chris Masters stole roughly seven to 10 minutes of our television viewing time on a weekly basis. Yet, for some reason, fans keep going back to Ken Kennedy as if he were a multi-time world champion who was in the thick of yet another chase for the gold. Just when we at “The Turn” were starting to, well, turn away from Kennedy, the man cuts a promo on Monday night against Ric Flair that made us remember just why Kennedy used to fascinate us. With perfectly placed, tremendously demeaning “Whoooos,” Kennedy convinced us that—while he very likely won’t end Flair’s career at No Way Out—he’s still worthy of our attention, gold or not.

ECW (2/5)
For the six fans of the original ECW that still follow the new version of ECW in hopes that it takes a drastic turn back toward what made the brand memorable in the 1990s, here’s a spot of good news: Stevie Richards will make his triumphant in-ring return to WWE television. That’s right: After getting a very brief push nearly several months ago, and looking very, very good in the ring at the time, Richards was out of the picture with an injury and had been forgotten about in ECW. Now, as one of only two Originals still being paid by WWE to show up for work, Richards will return to a brand where Chavo Guerrero Jr. is the champion, C.M. Punk has one foot out the ECW door, and Kelly Kelly is the female wrestler with the most advanced skill set. Welcome back, Stevie.

Impact (2/7)
He’s hot … he’s spicy … apparently, he’s delicious … and, yet there’s something about Curry Man that’s strikingly familiar. Is it his oddly mesmerizing dance? Possibly. Could it be the plate of curry that doubles as a nifty little hat? No doubt about it. Still, there’s something about his build and general in-ring ability that leads us to believe that we’ve seen him wrestle before on American soil. Heck, there’s a good chance we’ve seen him wrestle in Orlando. Call it a hunch. Wherever it is that Curry Man has fallen from, he’s already attained the status of most favored masked wrestler of “The Turn.” Sure, it’s still cool to see Tiger Mask IV in a TNA ring (and his match with A.J. Styles last night should have convinced the non-believers), but Curry Man is a perfect distraction from the running Shark Boy gag each week.

And Finally … Few can argue against the irrefutable fact that TNA has an almost abnormal affinity for gimmick matches or bouts with unusual stipulations. From the Lockdown pay-per-view’s night of cage matches to a veritable plethora of other gimmick bouts, TNA has assumed the mantle once held very famously by WCW. While this year’s version of Against All Odds on Sunday will showcase four gimmick/stipulation matches (“Barbed-Wire Massacre,” “Feast Or Fired” case match, X division streetfight, and the beer drinking championship), it does not hold the record for gimmick/stipulation matches in a single AAO card. Last year’s offering of AAO holds the dubious distinction of showcasing five—yes, five—gimmick/stipulation matches out of the nine bouts on the card, including Christy Hemme taking on Big Fat Oily Guy in a tuxedo match. Apparently, they’re not all home runs.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of January 25-31, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

I try … God knows I still try. I will literally sit there for a half-hour during Impact and imagine a world without the X division and how empty and entirely devoid of all meaning TNA would have us believe it would be.

Problem is, I just don’t care anymore.

Now, let me be quick to point out that I don’t dislike the idea of the X division, nor do I have anything against the wrestlers that are a part of it. In fact, many of them rank among a small group I’d like to see go on to bigger and better things down the line. The problem is, if the X division was, at one time, the “heart and soul” of TNA, it certainly doesn’t hold such a lofty spot anymore. And, because of the decreased level of reverence with which TNA obviously holds the division I, as a fan, have followed suit.

Think about it for a second; how ridiculous has the X division become in the last year? Kurt Angle was its champion for a brief period of time, the wrestlers engaged in Jackass-style practical jokes, and now they’re constantly on the verge of being completely dismantled.

In fact, it’s that last one that bothers me the most, I think. It’s like that awful couple in high school that constantly was on the verge of breaking up. You know them—originally you liked them together; thought she was “good” for him. Eventually, after all the near misses and painfully repetitive bickering, you finally get to the point where not only do you think them breaking up is a good thing, but, quite honestly, you don’t care. You watch the pending train wreck because, well, they force it on you. Same goes for Thursday nights.

The X division used to be the most exciting part of TNA. The X division used to be the heart and soul of TNA. The X division used to be something novel that TNA had over WWE—talented cruiserweights in compelling angles who were as entertaining as any wrestler in the sport today. Today, this dog-and-pony show of an X division that we’re fed on a weekly basis has more of a WWE feel than TNA’s heavyweight division stocked with Vince’s castoffs.

Wrestling has taken a back seat to ridiculous promos and individual persona development. Instead of finding that perfect balance between angle development and great wrestling, the scales have tipped way into the show and not the sport. It’s because of this that I couldn’t not care less whether there’s an X division match following the Motor City Machine Guns’ match with Team 3D at Against All Odds. This isn’t the X division we as fans wanted or deserved.

In a related story: Sharkboy is now imitating Steve Austin. Enjoy!

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (1/25)
An open note to Eve—the 2007 Diva Search winner—who will be moving to the Smackdown brand as soon as next week: Hey, Eve, it’s lovely to meet you. We at “The Turn” just wanted to give you the same respect we’ve given each of your predecessors by letting you know what to expect as a Diva Search winner and new member of the blue brand. The best thing you can do, in our humble opinion, is put every single penny you earn into a savings account and leave it there. Live off the land and, whenever possible, beg, borrow, or steal. Plan on doing something you’re not entirely comfortable with, quite likely with either an older man or a girl right around your age. Most of all, don’t forget to write when you’re scrounging for a job at the auto show this time next year after you and WWE “amicably” part ways. Hell, the fact that you’ve even stayed around long enough to see 2008 is an accomplishment, right?

Raw (1/28)
Commissioner William Regal announced that there will be an “Elimination Chamber” match at No Way Out to determine who will be the number-one contender heading into WrestleMania after Royal Rumble winner John Cena cashes in his title shot at the same pay-per-view. The lineup reads like a lineup of the usual suspects, with Shawn Michaels, Triple-H, Chris Jericho, JBL, Umaga, and Jeff Hardy all participating. The odds-on favorite right now, as far as we see, has to be Triple-H. He’s hungry, tends to perform well when it almost counts, and hasn’t had his hands on the gold for far too long (excluding the hot minute he was champion again a few months back). If it’s not Triple-H’s time to jump back to the top of the heap at ’Mania, we don’t know when it will ever be.

ECW (1/29)
After weeks of vignettes promoting the Jamaican sensation Kofi Kingston, it’s been nice seeing him compete the past two weeks as part of the ECW brand. Kingston is a tremendously athletic and knowledgeable young wrestler who has yet to be spoiled by the WWE experience, which means he should be good for a few months of solid wrestling and development. Assuming he’s not buried beneath the rubble that is the crumbling ECW empire, Kingston could legitimately have a very bright future with WWE.

Impact (1/31)
Contract signings—they just never, ever go as planned. If we’ve said it once, we’ve said literally hundreds of times: If a pen, table, and nearly 300-pound men are involved, expect the worst. Once again, TNA decided to rebuff conventional wrestling wisdom and have Samoa Joe sign a five-year contract extension in the middle of the hexagon last night for all the world to see. Naturally, not only did Joe not sign the agreement, but Jim Cornette’s resident goon, Matt Morgan, was dropped through the table, much to no one’s surprise. Perhaps the only thing shocking about the whole series of events was that Kevin Nash—who was by Joe’s side throughout—didn’t roll Morgan over and sign the contract himself.

And Finally … Love him or hate him, WWE is just thrilled that you tune in to see him. Following John Cena’s shocking return to action at the Royal Rumble the night before, the rating for Monday’s Raw jumped up to one of its highest in nearly a year, pulling in a 3.9 for the night. The Cena-less week prior—leading into the Rumble—Raw drew a 3.5.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of January 18-24, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

Welcome to the world of high definition television programming! The future is now … unless you consider that HD capability has been around for nearly a decade. In that case—if you want to be a jerk about it—the future is then!

With the popularity and proliferation of HD-ready televisions and the mainstream conversion from analog to digital programming coming sooner than most people realize, WWE made the huge financial leap (and, according to the numbers, it was huge) to an all HD format for its three brands.

Of course, if you don’t have an HD-ready television you can still watch the programs, but, as someone with a sweetass flatscreen HD TV, I can promise you that the experience is completely different. Plus, with HD, the product itself is so crystal clear and so well done that the storylines are actually different. That’s right, we privileged folk get to see a completely different program than anyone else. For example, I bet you non-HD suckers didn’t know that Shannon Moore is actually a guy and not just the topless woman he appears to be on your regular TV. Who knew?

Okay, fine. It’s not that cool. HD programming is exactly the same as non-HD with the obvious exception that you can now see much more of the Divas then once legally allowed and I’m fairly certain that the “Ric Flair” we’ve all known and loved for the past five years is actually just spray-tanned chicken skin thrown on a mannequin.

The clarity of HD programming, while awesome, is quite unforgiving, especially in a profession where the wardrobe is generally somewhere between softcore porn and figure skating: spandex, and not much of it.

In the end, WWE’s move to HD was a smart move and yet another way the company allows fans greater access—for better or worse—to their talent. The only other drawback I can see with the HD programming at this stage of the game comes with the new sets that were constructed for the move and the bevy of epileptic seizures it will induce. The glowing, bastardized version of Freemont Street does provide something of a 3D effect and seems cool the first few times; after that, it kind of makes Cloverfield seem like steady camerawork.

The Week In Televised Wrestling:

Smackdown (1/18)
Ric Flair and MVP’s upcoming match at the Royal Rumble may only hold as much intrigue as the “Nature Boy’s” retirement situation does. A rather innocuous match with only enough buildup to whet the fans’ collective appetite, the potential that it could be Flair’s last match—retired by a man in a bodysuit—is really the only interesting factor, which is a shame. If Flair had remained part of the Smackdown brand, post-draft, and was able to run a program such as this with MVP for a bit longer, it could have only paid off huge dividends for the “highest paid superstar in Smackdown history.” For now, we can only wonder what would have been and look forward to yet another convoluted Flair victory on Sunday.

Raw (1/21)
The rumors circulating the Internet appear to be true, assuming that the tremendous amount of thinly veiled innuendo on Raw is any indicator. There is a very high likelihood that once again, in conjunction with WrestleMania, there will be yet another WWE Diva gracing the pages of Playboy magazine and that would be the blissfully unaware Maria Kanellis. Following in the footsteps of greats such as Sable (no longer with WWE), Torrie Wilson (on the shelf with a nasty back injury), Candice Michelle (ditto, collarbone), Christy Hemme (now in TNA), and, of course, Chyna (too easy). Come to think of it, the only Diva that still cashes a regular WWE check is Ashley Massaro, and she was in hot water with the company a while back. Here’s hoping Maria fares better than her predecessors.

ECW (1/22)
You know what they say: 20th time’s a charm! Sure, it’s only been four shots at C.M. Punk over the past month, but finally—finally—Chavo Guerrero Jr. fans everywhere can rejoice, for their idol has climbed the mountain! Well, ECW’s not really a “mountain” per se. More like a small hill or knoll. Actually, ECW kind of reminds us of one of those piles of backfill you’d find near a construction area. You know, the one that you and your buddies would climb as kids and play “King Of The Mountain”? Yeah, one of those. Chavo Guerrero Jr. is king of the dirt hill, and C.M. Punk is finally liberated from those 10 pounds of fool’s gold that was weighing him down.

Impact (1/24)
Hopefully our fellow fans were cognizant enough to realize how fortunate they were last night to catch a match involving both the legendary Tiger Mask and the curiously familiar Curry Man on Impact. Both are legends of Japanese wrestling and worthy of as much face time—so to speak—as possible on any wrestling program. While their tag match with Jimmy Rave and Lance Hoyt surely did not do their collective skills justice, it still was quite a scene and worthy of being checked out if you missed it.

And Finally … This weekend’s Royal Rumble pay-per-view is one of WWE’s most time honored and enjoyable cards. Throughout the 20-year history of the event, there have been plenty of memorable moments, although one is overlooked—and for good reason. At the first Royal Rumble held at the world famous Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario, the Jumping Bomb Angels defeated The Glamour Girls to win the WWF women’s tag team championship in, get this, a two-out-of-three falls match. It signaled the only time a women’s tag team championship match was held during one of the company’s staple events. The title was retired in 1989.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of January 11-17, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

It’s funny how one’s subconscious works. A person can actually forget things that they once knew and, perhaps, used regularly only to have it revived back to the forefront of their mind by something completely random.

As someone who scored a remarkable—nay, breathtaking—720 on the verbal portion of his SAT test (this was back when 800 was perfect), vocabulary words were my forte. Yet I forgot how great, let alone appropriate, the word “vitriol” was until I sat through JBL’s scathingly personal promo cut against Chris Jericho on Monday night. Quite honestly, I still get chills re-reading a recap of the pure evil Layfield that spewed across the airwaves on Monday night.

And, naturally, I loved every second of it.

It’s been said that behind every joke there’s a scintilla of truth. Taking sports entertainment for what it is, I have to imagine that deep down JBL doesn’t truly feel Chris Jericho is a coward, nor does he want the man’s children to see their father as a failure … right … right? See, that’s the beauty of what JBL can bring to WWE as an active competitor: doubt.

Believing myself to be a semi-intelligent human with basic knowledge of how this industry works, even I was convinced that Jericho would get the thrashing of a lifetime were he to show up at the Royal Rumble. Hell, I was so stimulated by JBL’s tirade against Jericho’s cowardice that I was compelled to call my own father a coward, completely disregarding that Dad had done nothing to deserve the insult.

Hate JBL if you must, but finally—finally—Raw has a rulebreaker worthy of such a lofty status as the most hated man on Monday nights.

In a related story: TNA is running a segment on the weekly injuries sustained by Sharkboy that includes his shark family.

That gap just keeps getting wider by the day, doesn’t it?

The Week In Televised Wrestling

Smackdown (1/11)
It’s somewhat interesting to see the position that Batista is holding on the Smackdown brand. The former World champ of the blue brand has become something of a utility big-name on Friday nights with last week’s victory over MVP being a perfect indicator of the reliance WWE has on “The Animal” right now. The funny thing is that regardless of the manner Batista is used, he seems only a minute or two away from winning the gold again. For fans of his, this should be good news; everyone else should prepare themselves for a steady diet of spinebusters and rope shaking. Still, it’s hard to determine whether Batista is the right man to be the face of Smackdown since the brand’s grace period that came with being the only WWE product to maintain both the sports entertainment and pure wrestling talent simultaneously is quickly coming to an end.

Raw (1/14)
We at “The Turn” don’t take you up the ring ramp and behind the curtain often, but how hilarious was it on Monday night when Ken Kennedy’s promo popped up on the TitanTron with the videotape time code at the bottom? For anyone who missed it, Kennedy appeared on the big screen following Shawn Michaels’ match to talk a little smack and taunt HBK in the process. Throughout the segment—which obviously was not played up as if Kennedy were backstage during it—a time code similar to the one you see at the bottom of every family home video your Aunt Louise has taken in the past 20 years was on screen throughout, essentially confirming that little that appears up there is “live” and certainly none of it is “via satellite.” Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the McMahon family den backstage.

ECW (1/15)
If we were in the business of sending fruit baskets to professional wrestlers—which we’re not, thank you restraining order—then the winner of this week’s offering would be Edge for his interference in the third, and final, match between Chavo Guerrero and C.M. Punk. No, it’s not that we’re big fans of Chavo, who finally got the win, but more so that Edge’s chair shot to Punk essentially draws his attention to the Smackdown World champion and not the ECW brand inching him ever so much closer to not being on Tuesday nights. Here’s to hoping Punk’s in-ring aggression drives him to Friday nights sooner rather than later.

Impact (1/17)
While Impact was relatively solid last night, highlighted by Christian Cage’s ascent to the number-one contender’s spot, TNA truly showcased its talent through the show after the show. Following the regular broadcast of Impact, TNA aired TNA Global Impact, an hour-long special documenting the brand’s January 4 trip to Japan. It was an impressive feat for the brand that has been accused of relying far too much on its status as an alternative to WWE rather than just standing on its own. The special followed some of TNA’s top stars, including The Steiners, Team 3D, A.J. Styles, Christian Cage, and Kurt Angle as they prepared for the trip, all along capturing the thoughts and emotions that came with competing in front of some of the world’s most discerning and enthusiastic fans. For fans of pure wrestling this is a must watch, especially the superb match that saw Kurt Angle defeat Yuji Nagata with the anklelock to concluded the show.

And Finally … With only 10 days to go until the 2008 edition of the Royal Rumble, here is another tidibit from the card’s storied past. The last time the event was held in Madison Square Garden was 2000, with a WWF World title match between Triple-H and Cactus Jack as the main event. However, it was the Rumble match itself that made the card memorable. The Rock was named the winner despite being eliminated almost simultaneously with The Big Show. This odd finish was strikingly similar to the 1994 Rumble match in which Bret Hart and Lex Luger were declared co-winners.

THE TURN: Skewering The Week Of January 4-10, 2008

By Frank Ingiosi

It may have been the lack of sleep, or it very well could have been our undying love of all things conspiracy theory, but the 30-40 minutes or so I spent the other night reviewing the very widely publicized commercial for the upcoming Royal Rumble still feels like time well spent. For the six or seven of you who may have not seen this commercial as of yet—which seems impossible because it’s running ad nauseum of late—here’s the scenario: Half of the WWE roster gets on a subway car and, naturally, mass chaos breaks out.

The obvious nod to both unprovoked violence and the fact that the Rumble will be taking place in New York City’s famed Madison Square Garden is fine from a pay-per-view advertisement standpoint. Hell, I’ll go as far as saying that the first six-dozen or so times I saw it I thought it was clever. My issue with the commercial came only recently and, oddly enough, it was probably the most glaring misstep in the ad that was the least noticed.

With all the fervor of Kevin Costner’s Jim Garrison reviewing the Zapruder film, I sat up in bed and rewound and replayed in varying speeds the end of the meticulously produced commercial. The end, again for the half-dozen of you, shows Shawn Michaels giving a guilty shrug to the camera after delivering a superkick to Michael Buffer just as he’s launching into the catchphrase that made him a millionaire. Seems rather innocuous, right? Sure it is, but here’s the thing—Michaels’ foot is co